Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

13 year old dd snuck out tonight update

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I KNOW I'm gonna get bashed to hell for this but I need some serious advice.





Let me start by saying, dd is NORMALLY very well behaved. She's not rude or disrespectful, can have a bit of an attitude at times but she's 13, a slight attitude at times is to be expected, no?



Very early this morning Dh wakes up to use the restroom and go check on the kids and make sure they are all covered up since its freezing tonight and when he peeks in dd room she's not there. He checked both bathrooms and she's not in either. He wakes me up and says P is not in the house. I jump out of bed and run all over the house and she's nowhere. All of a sudden Dh phone goes off, its some kid, we will call him T. He says sorry P I can't meet you all at the school my mom is still awake. So Dh CALLS T and finds out that dd and a few other friends were gonna meet at our neighborhood park and then one of there cousins who is FUCKING 17 is gonna take them driving around. **dd was using Dh phone because hers took a crap and won't turn on** well she had erased the texts and numbers from Dh phone so if this kid hadn't text we would have had no idea what was going on. Dh was able to get one of the other kids phone numbers from T that did meet up at the park and Dh called it and found out THEY WERE 15 FUCKING miles away!!!!!! Dh told them to stay right there and then called the cops and Dh and the cops went to where they were. Dh said all the kids (6 total) were detained and parents were being called, the 17 year old was put in cuffs and in the back of a cop car. Dd was released to Dh but we have to take her to the station at 11 to speak with an officer.



What in the FUCK was she thinking? Oh that's right SHE WASN'T! all and I mean ALL trust is gone.



I have no idea what to do with this. I never snuck out as a teen, she has never had any huge disciplinary problems, the most is she was grounded for not picking up her room. We have rules and consequences for not following the rules. We are told Alllll the time what good parents we are because we have structure and discipline and are our kids parents not friends.



I need advice, how do I punish this? What do I do to make her understand what a big deal this is? I'm at a complete loss.





Ok now go ahead and tell me what a compleat failure as a mother I am, can't make me feel worse than Ialready do.


UPDATE

Hey everyone. Just wanted to update. We went to the police station and the officer that Dh talked to took Dh, me and dd to a room to talk. He asked her questions about the 17 year old she and the others were with, apparently the reason he was arrested was for a warrent he had for his arrest for marijuana possestion. The officer also wanted to put the fear of God in to her, he has a teen dd as well and knew what we must be going through. He told her what very easily could have happened to her and her friends.

Dd is grounded, all privileges have been taken till further notice. Dh and I talked with her at length about how wrong she was and how she has lost our trust and how disappointed we are in her.

I think she gets it, she cried to us, and apologised to us both and SWORE it was the only time, although I'm not sure how much of that I believe at this point. Dh got the alarms on his way to work and will.install.them when he gets home tonight.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:44 AM
Replies (21-30):
RyansMom6204
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:54 AM
First off you are not a complete failure as a mom. You have done everything right from what you said. She is 13yrs old and decided to sneak out probably due to peer pressure and wanting to be a little rebelious. Ground her from everything and have her help you and spend time with you as much as possible alone. Also talk to her about how dangerous what she did was. She probably did not think of the consequences of her actions.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:55 AM
1 mom liked this
Were going tomorrow to get temporary alarms then were gonna research alarm companies and have one installed.

Quoting Anonymous:

Lord I have no idea how I would punish my kid. I guess I would ground them and take everything away. I'd also get alarms for the windows and doors so of she tries to sneak out again they will go off. I'd be livid.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:56 AM
Having to earn your trust back is punishment in itself! Teens take for granted how great it is for their parents to trust them, and don't realize how much it truly sucks when they dont! So now it's time I not only ground her, but snoop snoop snoop. Take away cell phone, etc. ask for passwords to Facebook, twitter. Check in with her teachers regularly. Show her what life is like when you lie to parents and now they no longer believe anything she says. She will absolutely hate it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:56 AM
If the 17yr old would have put them in that car without their parents permission it would have been considered kidnapping and the police involvement comes from the kids taking off without their parents permission meaning runaways.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why was the 17 year old handcuffed? Were they breaking the law? Why does your child have to be questioned by police? What were they doing that would warrant police involvement?

angelmj
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:56 AM
Well I use to sneak out all the time, I mean like a few times a month sometimes. My parents did everything they could to prevent it and nothing ever worked. My parents were strict and I would have to find freedom without their consent. GL with this one I'm sure she will try again some time. You can ground her, you can take away her rights and privileges but it won't help anything. I'm just speaking from my own personal experience. Maybe she is not as strong willed as I was to get into trouble.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
rosemagic01
by Ruby Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:57 AM

Some states have curfews for kids driving at night and he/she had a ton of kids in the car I know in my state you have to wait something like 6 months after getting your license before you can have 2 under 18 people (and no more) in the car with you while driving. Its possible this state had one or more of these types of laws in place. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Why was the 17 year old handcuffed? Were they breaking the law? Why does your child have to be questioned by police? What were they doing that would warrant police involvement?


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:57 AM
That's great! Good luck

Quoting Anonymous:

Were going tomorrow to get temporary alarms then were gonna research alarm companies and have one installed.



Quoting Anonymous:

Lord I have no idea how I would punish my kid. I guess I would ground them and take everything away. I'd also get alarms for the windows and doors so of she tries to sneak out again they will go off. I'd be livid.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:58 AM
For one, 17 year olds have no business hanging out with 13 year olds!!! 17 is next to being a legal adult, at 13 you just became a teen.


Quoting Anonymous:

Why was the 17 year old handcuffed? Were they breaking the law? Why does your child have to be questioned by police? What were they doing that would warrant police involvement?


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:58 AM

my only comment is that i wouldnt have called the cops. ou will regret that later

MrsNewman
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:59 AM

I think having the cops there when you found her probably scared the shi* out of her. That along with grounding her, and taking away all electronics, should hopefully scare her straight and she'll never do it again.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured