13 year old dd snuck out tonight update

[Anonymous]

I KNOW I'm gonna get bashed to hell for this but I need some serious advice.





Let me start by saying, dd is NORMALLY very well behaved. She's not rude or disrespectful, can have a bit of an attitude at times but she's 13, a slight attitude at times is to be expected, no?



Very early this morning Dh wakes up to use the restroom and go check on the kids and make sure they are all covered up since its freezing tonight and when he peeks in dd room she's not there. He checked both bathrooms and she's not in either. He wakes me up and says P is not in the house. I jump out of bed and run all over the house and she's nowhere. All of a sudden Dh phone goes off, its some kid, we will call him T. He says sorry P I can't meet you all at the school my mom is still awake. So Dh CALLS T and finds out that dd and a few other friends were gonna meet at our neighborhood park and then one of there cousins who is FUCKING 17 is gonna take them driving around. **dd was using Dh phone because hers took a crap and won't turn on** well she had erased the texts and numbers from Dh phone so if this kid hadn't text we would have had no idea what was going on. Dh was able to get one of the other kids phone numbers from T that did meet up at the park and Dh called it and found out THEY WERE 15 FUCKING miles away!!!!!! Dh told them to stay right there and then called the cops and Dh and the cops went to where they were. Dh said all the kids (6 total) were detained and parents were being called, the 17 year old was put in cuffs and in the back of a cop car. Dd was released to Dh but we have to take her to the station at 11 to speak with an officer.



What in the FUCK was she thinking? Oh that's right SHE WASN'T! all and I mean ALL trust is gone.



I have no idea what to do with this. I never snuck out as a teen, she has never had any huge disciplinary problems, the most is she was grounded for not picking up her room. We have rules and consequences for not following the rules. We are told Alllll the time what good parents we are because we have structure and discipline and are our kids parents not friends.



I need advice, how do I punish this? What do I do to make her understand what a big deal this is? I'm at a complete loss.





Ok now go ahead and tell me what a compleat failure as a mother I am, can't make me feel worse than Ialready do.


UPDATE

Hey everyone. Just wanted to update. We went to the police station and the officer that Dh talked to took Dh, me and dd to a room to talk. He asked her questions about the 17 year old she and the others were with, apparently the reason he was arrested was for a warrent he had for his arrest for marijuana possestion. The officer also wanted to put the fear of God in to her, he has a teen dd as well and knew what we must be going through. He told her what very easily could have happened to her and her friends.

Dd is grounded, all privileges have been taken till further notice. Dh and I talked with her at length about how wrong she was and how she has lost our trust and how disappointed we are in her.

I think she gets it, she cried to us, and apologised to us both and SWORE it was the only time, although I'm not sure how much of that I believe at this point. Dh got the alarms on his way to work and will.install.them when he gets home tonight.

[krystyneh]

All you have to do is stay strong and stick with how you are punishing her. Make sure your DH also sticks to it. A few of my friends that used to sneak out would get punished and they would still sneak out so when they would their parents would call the cops on them as runaways and a lot of them would get arrested to scare the crap out of them and it worked.

Quoting Anonymous:

Ty, her phone is nit being fixed like we were going to do for atleast a month, she has lost all other privileges, it just doesn't seem like enough for the "crime" kwim?I am calling her youth pastor later today and talking with him about all this. She's not aloud anywhere but school and church till further notice.

Quoting krystyneh:

First off I don't think you are a bad parent. I would ground her. Take away computer, phone, tv and anything else electronic. I would ground her for a month. I would tell her she's only allowed to go to school then back home and that's it. I never snuck out as a teenager either but I know ones that have and their parents did far worse then what I've suggested u to do.

[Krystle1216]

I would ground her for a good month school and home straight to her room no tv electronics phone radio etc.. I would also make her watch videos on teen car accidents, not to just scare the crap out of her but to show her what her actions could have lead too.. there are to many stories about teens riding around and goofing off and getting into an accident where many of them die or are left seriously injured.

[Diva-Mami]

I would have left her at the police station over night

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Because all the kids in the truck other than him were 12 and 13. We have a curfew for miners around here and he was helping them break it, he's also going to be 18 in February according to dd, so yes I'm guessing there was a law or two broken. I don't know why we have to take her in, that's what the cop said to do, so were doing it. I have no problems taking her in, maybe it will scare the shit out of her.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why was the 17 year old handcuffed? Were they breaking the law? Why does your child have to be questioned by police? What were they doing that would warrant police involvement?

[shygurl3166]

My sister did this at 13. My parents didn't do a whole lot... I'm sure they thought they did. My sister ended up having oodles of issues. Nip it in the tush now. Ground her for a month, only school and home, no allowance, no electronics. Including tv. I'd aso give her a talking to and explain what could have happened. I'd also tell her if it happens again, the punishment will be significantly worse. I'm sorry I can't imagine how scared you were.

[Anonymous]

If you don't know why you had to take her in you should have told them no and consulted an attorney. You have rights.

Quoting Anonymous:

Because all the kids in the truck other than him were 12 and 13. We have a curfew for miners around here and he was helping them break it, he's also going to be 18 in February according to dd, so yes I'm guessing there was a law or two broken. I don't know why we have to take her in, that's what the cop said to do, so were doing it. I have no problems taking her in, maybe it will scare the shit out of her.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why was the 17 year old handcuffed? Were they breaking the law? Why does your child have to be questioned by police? What were they doing that would warrant police involvement?

[eykelley]

This is a tough one. :(
I never snuck out as a teen, becuz my parentals would have KILLED me! Literally!

My advice is to ground her for 1 month. No TV, comp, cell, video games, nada. No friends, no group activitys. She goes to school, she comes home. U can find things at home that NEED to be done and add on more chores. U could make her do community service.

Gl!

[mrssummerlin]

Beat the demon out of her and pour holy water on her... She has obviously been possessed by something stupid!!!





Seriously though, put that kid on full lock down, the kind where you take her to and from school everyday, no friends, no phone, no toys, nothing but books upon books. Make her life hell until you see fit because she doesn't deserve fun and freedom acting that reckless and stupid.



It's a slippery slop momma, get a hold of her now before she ends up in jail or worse. I'm speaking from my own personal experience here of my life as a teen. No joke, reel her in and FAST!

[Anonymous]

They are probably having you bring her in to give her a stern talking to or they are going to get your permission to do a scared straight session with her.

Quoting Anonymous:

Because all the kids in the truck other than him were 12 and 13. We have a curfew for miners around here and he was helping them break it, he's also going to be 18 in February according to dd, so yes I'm guessing there was a law or two broken. I don't know why we have to take her in, that's what the cop said to do, so were doing it. I have no problems taking her in, maybe it will scare the shit out of her.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why was the 17 year old handcuffed? Were they breaking the law? Why does your child have to be questioned by police? What were they doing that would warrant police involvement?

[dreamalong]

First, you are not a failure as a mother.  It sounds like this was an impulse, and certainly a bad decision and he probably already regrets it.  It sounds like she and her friends planned this and she wanted to do what her friends were doing. 

My concern is that you are over-reacting. 

I would talk to the other parents and see what they are doing.

I think that begin arrested for the first time was really scarey and taught her a lesson.

Certainly she has now lost your trust. 

I would suggest limiting her use of her cell phone to call her friends.

She will have to earn her cell phone back, and it would take her a long time to have it back permanently.

Talk about trust, and that she has lost your trust. 

Tell her how panicked you were when you discovered she was gone.

Tell her the rules are that you must ALWAYS know where she is, and the must have your permission to leave home at any time, but especially after hours.

With teens, friends are more of a priority than home rules. 

You want her to tell you when things happen, but you have to understand the importance of friends.