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13 year old dd snuck out tonight update

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I KNOW I'm gonna get bashed to hell for this but I need some serious advice.





Let me start by saying, dd is NORMALLY very well behaved. She's not rude or disrespectful, can have a bit of an attitude at times but she's 13, a slight attitude at times is to be expected, no?



Very early this morning Dh wakes up to use the restroom and go check on the kids and make sure they are all covered up since its freezing tonight and when he peeks in dd room she's not there. He checked both bathrooms and she's not in either. He wakes me up and says P is not in the house. I jump out of bed and run all over the house and she's nowhere. All of a sudden Dh phone goes off, its some kid, we will call him T. He says sorry P I can't meet you all at the school my mom is still awake. So Dh CALLS T and finds out that dd and a few other friends were gonna meet at our neighborhood park and then one of there cousins who is FUCKING 17 is gonna take them driving around. **dd was using Dh phone because hers took a crap and won't turn on** well she had erased the texts and numbers from Dh phone so if this kid hadn't text we would have had no idea what was going on. Dh was able to get one of the other kids phone numbers from T that did meet up at the park and Dh called it and found out THEY WERE 15 FUCKING miles away!!!!!! Dh told them to stay right there and then called the cops and Dh and the cops went to where they were. Dh said all the kids (6 total) were detained and parents were being called, the 17 year old was put in cuffs and in the back of a cop car. Dd was released to Dh but we have to take her to the station at 11 to speak with an officer.



What in the FUCK was she thinking? Oh that's right SHE WASN'T! all and I mean ALL trust is gone.



I have no idea what to do with this. I never snuck out as a teen, she has never had any huge disciplinary problems, the most is she was grounded for not picking up her room. We have rules and consequences for not following the rules. We are told Alllll the time what good parents we are because we have structure and discipline and are our kids parents not friends.



I need advice, how do I punish this? What do I do to make her understand what a big deal this is? I'm at a complete loss.





Ok now go ahead and tell me what a compleat failure as a mother I am, can't make me feel worse than Ialready do.


UPDATE

Hey everyone. Just wanted to update. We went to the police station and the officer that Dh talked to took Dh, me and dd to a room to talk. He asked her questions about the 17 year old she and the others were with, apparently the reason he was arrested was for a warrent he had for his arrest for marijuana possestion. The officer also wanted to put the fear of God in to her, he has a teen dd as well and knew what we must be going through. He told her what very easily could have happened to her and her friends.

Dd is grounded, all privileges have been taken till further notice. Dh and I talked with her at length about how wrong she was and how she has lost our trust and how disappointed we are in her.

I think she gets it, she cried to us, and apologised to us both and SWORE it was the only time, although I'm not sure how much of that I believe at this point. Dh got the alarms on his way to work and will.install.them when he gets home tonight.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:44 AM
Replies (321-330):
Devious333
by Ruby Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:07 AM
1 mom liked this
Does she have any school activities? I think if my parents would have kept me busy (in other words, paid for shit for me to do, or let me pay for it) or would have let me do fun things, I would have been less likely to misbehave. Kids need to be kept busy...I'm not saying it's like a 100% thing but maybe get her involved in sports or dance or something she likes doing.
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Devious333
by Ruby Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:08 AM
LOL. Right. Not all teens are the same.

Quoting Anonymous:

*worked. 

Quoting Devious333:

Lol okay. Let us know how that works out for you!



Quoting Anonymous:

Communicating better and taking a child psychology course.

Quoting Devious333:

So...the 13 year old just needs a slap on the hand and that's it? What do you suggest?





Quoting Anonymous:

Fucking nazi bitch. You think your daughter will listen?? NO, being that strict will make her more rebelious.

Quoting Anonymous:

She would live in the dark ages for a month. Everything electronic would be taking. Tv, cellphone, games, toys, whatever she has that brings her enjoyment. I would go to a bookstore and find a book on teenagers and have her read out loud to me every evening.




Give her a task to do that she doesn't like, perhaps cleaning a room or bathroom. When it comes towards the end of her punishment I would give her a room to clean. I would hide a note in the room that says the punishment is over. If she cleaned properly she would find the note. If she doesn't she would stay on punishment until she did it correctly. Since the problem is her room I would hide the note in her room.




She needs to know how serious what she did was, I would not take this lightly because she is just 13 take it light and what the hell will she do at 16. I am normally not for being so stern but I am learning from my friends that have daughters that you have to be stern with love.




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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:15 AM
Lol I don't have any advice I did that shit all the time. My parents just now learned about it due to thinking you can trust teens lol no you can't. When I told m parents I thought they were going to pass out my mom started to actually shake. I was thought of as a great easy kid.
TranquilMind
by Ruby Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:55 AM

Tell all the ones who don't have teens that you don't want their advice; they don't have anything to add.  Their cute tiny children are still perfect. 

I have teens, by the way.  I actually think your husband handled it well.  They aren't likely to forget being picked up by the police and having their parents called, and they aren't likely to repeat it if they are basically good kids.

One thing you need to know is that really good kids will do STUPID THINGS IN A GROUP.  This is why they need probably more supervision as teens than they did as 10 year olds! 

I guess, having gone through some stuff with the oldest (though not this in particular), I'd want to know why she did this.  What was so important that she had to sneak out.  There is an underlying reason. Does she fall easily to peer pressure?  Is she in a rush to grow up and seem "cool".  Was there a guy she wanted to see (worse, probably). 

I think you did a great job and that is the most important thing to uncover now.  What is her motivation?  I read a really good book recently called "Hold on to Your Kids" which told the reader in very plain language how to get the kid to open up and talk.  It was really helpful to me, and I thought I'd read all the good parenting books.  You will learn more if you simply reflect back what she is saying without judgment than if you talk to her for 10 hours in the normal, lecturing, parental way (guilty here!). 

_diva_
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:02 AM
My kids aren't teens yet but I think u handled that great. I would probably would still be screaming at her lol but I know I was a bit of a butt head from time to time to my folks and I got my shit taking away and a good long talking to. I wasn't a bad kid just did dumb shit occasionally haha :) bit anyway what u have done and are going to do sounds good to me!!
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_diva_
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:04 AM
Bitch please...

Quoting Anonymous:

 She sneaked out. "Snuck" is not a word.


A 13 year old sneaking out? Sounds like you have a dysfunctional family.Time for some serious talks and some consistent discipline.

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britishmummy
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:56 AM

I'm just curious, I might have missed a line or two, but why did you call the cops?

You aren't a bad parent at all, you have a teenager! I was a VERY well behaved child, but I still would sneak out every now and again, it's part of being a teen I guess. My mother would ground me but I had to be a little rebelious. I'm sorry they were 15 miles away, and 17 is a little old. Times are odd and kids grow up fast sadly.

lady-t3984
by Gold Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 4:06 AM
First of all,parents have to STOP blaming themselves for everything. You and DH sound you are good parents. And,actually you have a good DD,she's 13,it could've been peer presssure. I do think the trip to the police station may scareher straight. I'm the proud mother of 6 daughters,from ages 38 to 18. And, we have been blessed to have very good mannered intelligent daughters. But,my baby-girl has tried my patience. I just keep praying,and reminding her ,that her choices in "her" life will follow her forever. Best luck to you.




WithHope
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 6:48 AM
I did more than my share of crazy stunts as a kid, miraculously I survived. My antics in no way reflected on my parents some kids just need to "experiment." That of course isn't to say you don't have every right to be pissed and react in the manner you did. Just as much as she "needs" to experiment, she "needs" consequences & guidance. You handled it reasonably and I hope the other parents realize you protected their children from what could have been a very dangerous situation!
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Itzy0ll0tl
by Silver Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 7:33 AM

as a person, who was a teen, and did a lOT of things wrong, I might say you are over reacting.

he snuck out once. and wasnt doing anything illegal.

as a mother, I dont know yet, my D Dis 5.. and dont know how I will react on the future. 

 I did have an English teacher once, I was friends with her son. he used to tel l me that , his mom, would let him skip class, only IF he told her where he was. I pointed out, that I never saw him skip class. and he said, that after his mom said it was OK, but she had to KNOW where he was. it stopped being fun. when I was 14. I thought this is hwo I wanted to treat my children. but times change, and I seriously dotn knw what I would ahve done in your shoes :)

 

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