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13 year old dd snuck out tonight update

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I KNOW I'm gonna get bashed to hell for this but I need some serious advice.





Let me start by saying, dd is NORMALLY very well behaved. She's not rude or disrespectful, can have a bit of an attitude at times but she's 13, a slight attitude at times is to be expected, no?



Very early this morning Dh wakes up to use the restroom and go check on the kids and make sure they are all covered up since its freezing tonight and when he peeks in dd room she's not there. He checked both bathrooms and she's not in either. He wakes me up and says P is not in the house. I jump out of bed and run all over the house and she's nowhere. All of a sudden Dh phone goes off, its some kid, we will call him T. He says sorry P I can't meet you all at the school my mom is still awake. So Dh CALLS T and finds out that dd and a few other friends were gonna meet at our neighborhood park and then one of there cousins who is FUCKING 17 is gonna take them driving around. **dd was using Dh phone because hers took a crap and won't turn on** well she had erased the texts and numbers from Dh phone so if this kid hadn't text we would have had no idea what was going on. Dh was able to get one of the other kids phone numbers from T that did meet up at the park and Dh called it and found out THEY WERE 15 FUCKING miles away!!!!!! Dh told them to stay right there and then called the cops and Dh and the cops went to where they were. Dh said all the kids (6 total) were detained and parents were being called, the 17 year old was put in cuffs and in the back of a cop car. Dd was released to Dh but we have to take her to the station at 11 to speak with an officer.



What in the FUCK was she thinking? Oh that's right SHE WASN'T! all and I mean ALL trust is gone.



I have no idea what to do with this. I never snuck out as a teen, she has never had any huge disciplinary problems, the most is she was grounded for not picking up her room. We have rules and consequences for not following the rules. We are told Alllll the time what good parents we are because we have structure and discipline and are our kids parents not friends.



I need advice, how do I punish this? What do I do to make her understand what a big deal this is? I'm at a complete loss.





Ok now go ahead and tell me what a compleat failure as a mother I am, can't make me feel worse than Ialready do.


UPDATE

Hey everyone. Just wanted to update. We went to the police station and the officer that Dh talked to took Dh, me and dd to a room to talk. He asked her questions about the 17 year old she and the others were with, apparently the reason he was arrested was for a warrent he had for his arrest for marijuana possestion. The officer also wanted to put the fear of God in to her, he has a teen dd as well and knew what we must be going through. He told her what very easily could have happened to her and her friends.

Dd is grounded, all privileges have been taken till further notice. Dh and I talked with her at length about how wrong she was and how she has lost our trust and how disappointed we are in her.

I think she gets it, she cried to us, and apologised to us both and SWORE it was the only time, although I'm not sure how much of that I believe at this point. Dh got the alarms on his way to work and will.install.them when he gets home tonight.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:44 AM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:07 AM
Were not that strict, she has her freedom, atleast what freedom is appropreate for a 13 year old. If she wants to try it again she's gonna be in for a rude awakening, were putting in temporary alarms on the doors and windows tomorrow and then having an alarm system installed. I refuse to make it easy for her to pull this shit. I never would have thought she would do this but now that she has there will be a lot of changes happening.

Quoting angelmj:

Well I use to sneak out all the time, I mean like a few times a month sometimes. My parents did everything they could to prevent it and nothing ever worked. My parents were strict and I would have to find freedom without their consent. GL with this one I'm sure she will try again some time. You can ground her, you can take away her rights and privileges but it won't help anything. I'm just speaking from my own personal experience. Maybe she is not as strong willed as I was to get into trouble.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:08 AM
Google true stories of teens who took off like she did and never made it back home, like a documentary.
Quoting Anonymous:

How would I do that? Maybe have the officer we talk to rip into her? I am so happy she's safe. I told her when she got home how lucky she was something awful didn't happen to her. God! Anything could have happened.



Quoting Anonymous:

Thank God she's ok, Maybe have her scared straight somehow to see what could happen to her from all te crazies out there.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:08 AM

I don't think your a failure, but why did you call the cops?  Were they drinking?  I think that is a bit of an overreaction.  I would have went and picked her up, but not involved the police.


As for punishment, I would take away her cell phone and computer.  Don't let her go out except for school and back.  I would put alarms on the windows and doors and not let her know the code.


SAnders224
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:09 AM
I think watching videos is a little extreme.

Quoting Krystle1216:

I would ground her for a good month school and home straight to her room no tv electronics phone radio etc.. I would also make her watch videos on teen car accidents, not to just scare the crap out of her but to show her what her actions could have lead too.. there are to many stories about teens riding around and goofing off and getting into an accident where many of them die or are left seriously injured.
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happy41ce
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:09 AM
Sounds like my teenage days.. Sigh lol
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LogansMommy0328
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:09 AM
Don't think your a bad mom your not she's a teen this kind of thing happens alot. Stick to your guns! Don't give her anything luxury back meaning computer or phones, tv stuff like that and sit down and have a calm talk with her don't get heated because she probably won't talk to you of you do. GL mamma
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rosemagic01
by Ruby Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:09 AM
1 mom liked this

This is what I would do. Just because its a first offense. 

When I got to the police station I would ask to talk to the cop that is going to talk to DD first. Tell him to rip into her. Make sure he puts the fear of god into her about the fact that little girls her age can get left in places and horrible no good very bad things can happen to sweet little girls out on the streets even in the safest of communities. I would tell him to tell her little horror stories about what can happen on the roads accidents and what not when there's so many kids piled into a car. Seriously just tell him "give her the riot act tell her all the horrible things that can happen" then let him go to town.

The next month she's on house arrest. No leaving unless its school. No extra fun no nothing. To school to home and no trips even to the food store or walmart or any other out of the house trips. She does her home work she does chores around the house she has no internet/phone access what so ever. Then on top of her home work she has a weekly report week 1-3 have on different things. Print up horror stories about little girls who have disappeared. Little girls who left in the night. Little girls who went meeting up with friends or on a walk in their city or just simply disappeared and no one knew how or why from their very own bedrooms. Reports on all of it. The 4th report on what she's learned. What she wants to change. What goals she wants in her life. What her choices and those actions to get to those choices will effect everything in her life. What lying and sneaking will cause in her life. 

After that month to month she would have to gain over time trust.  It wouldn't just be given. I would say 3-4 months before she gets her freedom back to normal. But after a month start giving it back. Show her life can be a lot harder if she wants to act like a grown up. Sadly kids are in such a rush to be free an adult. I might even hand her more responsibility for her own stuff (her own laundry her own room her own bathroom making her own lunch/breakfast. Helping with dinner etc) Then I would consider volunteer work to help make her understand she can be a kid free and fun or she can act like an adult and understand that comes with boat loads of responsibility and work and kids glorify it as something better than what they could have if they behaved.

keisha613
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:10 AM
1 mom liked this

I have a 13yr old DD so I'm all ears in this post.  If this happened to our family last night, I would probably go with grounding her and taking away electronics.  Worse thing she's done so far is opening a facebook page w/out my permission and I password locked all internet for her.  I didn't even sign the consent form for her to use internet at school.  She can do research for all her assignments at home, with me watching.   I also grounded her from wearing some new shoes I bought her for a while.  I bought them for back to school but said she couldn't wear them until returning from winter break.  She had to start school with old shoes.  That's teenager hell.  Did you get her some cool Christmas swag?  Postpone her wearing/using it until she gets her act together.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:11 AM
Besides the things you're already doing......hard physical labor. Anything and everything you can think of! Considering its winter, this may not work......but my dad had me get the weeds out of the cracks in the side walk. I had to use a butter knife to do it, lol. That isn't necessarily hard physical labor...but even mundane tasks will do, lol.

And maybe having her volunteer at a seniors center, at the church doing chores, and I agree a walk thru at the local jail or juvenile detention center is a great idea.

What did she have to say about all of it? She had to have been shocked when her dad showed up with the police!

Jessica_Esqueda
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:11 AM

Put an alarm on her bedroom door and window until she's earned your trust back. 

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