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I give up!!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I cannot to it all. I wish the sahm and breastfeeding bashers truly knew how hard it actually is! Your life consists of being a maid to your children and husband, a cook for your family and any potluck/event you or your dh is invited to, a teacher to your children,the food sorce so when baby is hungry you can't just prop up or hand them a bottle you have to stop whatever your doing to make sure your baby is happy, your job is 24/7 with no sick days or vacation, your needs and wants come dead last to make sure your dh and children are happy, 99% of the time your are never alone to have quite time, you have to deal with all the grocery shopping with the kids, the bills, all the Dr appointments, school events and meetings, if your in school your homework comes after everything including your sanity, any problems or stress falls on you because you are the go to person, you never get good sleeping because someone always needs something from you, your dh will be a lazy ass when home because "he works and you don't " . I just give up on trying to better myself. I can't do everything for everyone else and still have time to work on losing weight, go to school to get a career, and keep my sanity. Every ounce of me goes to every one else and I get forgotten about.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 3, 2013 at 1:21 PM
Replies (61-66):
by Platinum Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:25 PM

I understand your frustrations.  I think nearly every mother has been there at some point.  Especially when we have young children in the home.

I learned a long time ago that I needed to accept that "having it all" didn't mean I could have it all at once.  There are many. many times in life when one thing or another has to take priority.  You focus on each thing in its time and accept that doing your best isn't anyone else's best.

You also need to look at your definition of "bettering" yourself.  No all life learning comes from formal education, a great deal of it actually comes from living the life you have right now and adapting to the situation with as much grace and fortitude as you can.  It is finding what works and what you can let slide for a while.

Give yourself permission to let something go.  Ask for help.  Take a break and focus only on the absolutely important and rest for a couple of days to restore your sense of well-being and then refocus and decide what is "this needs to happen NOW" and what is "this can wait"  

Best of luck.

by Platinum Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:48 PM

I wouldn't put up with that from my dh.  Demand better and stick up for yourself.  You are his partner, NOT maid and NOT slave.

by Gold Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 2:54 PM
U gotta know ur limits and demand more of ur husband. I have 3 kids one is 7 weeks n my oldest is 4...I get it I do but u gotta kick ur dh in the ass and demand he do his share.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:43 PM

Quoting Anonymous:

hey, in that case, he's all yours!

Quoting Baybeelove88:

I knew that SOB had another wife!!!!! Lmao

Quoting Anonymous:

this is an issue for me as well, and i am constantly amazed that being married can be more frustrating and harder than being a single mom. 

yes, yes, he works. wonderful. thats great. how about doing some dishes and helping pick stuff up in the evening after the kids are in bed? oh, sorry, you're too busy playing COD? great, nevermind then i will just do all the dishes from the big yummy meal i made but can't eat because anything i eat after 4 pm makes me puke. 

oh and thanks for NOT picking up all the toys on the floor, no problem, i will do that too, and then all that bending over will result in? you guessed it, more puking!

somehow, when dh is gone for school (2 months every year) i am broke as fuck but eveything runs smoothly. the kids are less whiney, the house is cleaner, we eat healthier. and i am not frustrated because the only other adult in the house doesn't help with fuck all other than paying bills.

so in essence, i feel your pain.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Anonymous 15 on Jan. 3, 2013 at 7:21 PM

There's not a lot of support here, is there? Let me tell you, I'm where you are right now. I work part-time, but I identify more with SAHMs because I work through the night and when I get home, my kids are just waking up. I'm with my kids ALL day long despite having a job. I'm not going to start a SAHM/working mom argument because it's unnecessary. I will tell you one thing though, the ONLY thing in my life right now that is not chaotic IS my job. You know it's bad when you can't wait for Monday. That should tell you a little bit on how I view the SAHM  lifestyle. I'll bow down to any mother that does it day in and day out and does it well. It's just plain hard. There's no getting around it. I consider myself a damn hard worker and many who know me will agree, but I probably put on the biggest fake smile out of anyone I know. I often wonder if others are living like me. I'd love to be a fly on the wall in some random household. Maybe it is just me. I can't tell you how many times I've literally cried myself to sleep and constantly wonder how so many people can make it look so easy and I can't seem to manage anything. I think my most stated words in the last three months have been "I suck at life". I just don't know how one can be on their feet ALL day, going going going, be completely exhausted and still turn around and have it appear that nothing has been done. That's my life. If no one believes in mental stress, I challenge them to live my life. I told my mother just today my goal for 2013 is to find a therapist or a life coach or something. I know what my problem is too. It's my husband, it's my need for perfection, and my complete inability to say no. Are you a perfectionist? Perfectionism is an evil inside my brain. I don't care what anyone says -- it's not a good characteristic. I don't know how to "let go". I don't trust my husband to manage finances; therefore, that stress will always fall on me. I don't even trust my husband to drive his family around; therefore, I'm the one driving everywhere. I hate that. It never used to bother me, but in the last 2-3 years, it bothers me so much that I've become the man of the house, as well as the woman. I drive, get out and pump gas, pay for stuff in the store and walk behind him anytime we're out in public.  I say he wants a mother to do everything for him and a wife to fuck. I guess that's what I'm here for. Job title? Maid and slut. I can't trust the man to do anything. He's proven that to me many times over. If I die tomorrow, I don't trust him to watch our children. I went shopping one day and came home to find out that all my children had ate the entire day was $5 nasty breadsticks from the gas station. I can't even trust him to take care of himself. He's not even 35 yet and he's on blood pressure and cholesterol medication. I recently found that he didn't take his medication for EIGHT MONTHS. His triglycerides were through the roof. I went with him to the doctor and listened to the doctor flat out tell him to start planning his funeral before he's 50. The doctor asked ME if I wanted to go to a nutritionist to find out what to cook for him. I just about died right then and there. I challenged the doctor to come to my house and try to find even one box of processed food in my home. I make 99% of all our food from scratch; however, I can't spoon feed this man. He'll leave home and go to McDonalds or get up in the morning just to drive to the gas station to buy a 2 liter of Mountain Dew because I refuse to buy it for him. I ... just ... don't ... know.... what ... to .... do! I tell him if I ONLY had to work 40 hours a week, my life would be stress free. Men - no, my man - does NOT get it. The world falls on my shoulders because I let it and I don't quite know how to change that. Besides divorce? I let things stress me out and my husband's complete lack of appreciation, compassion, and mental ability is killing me. I know this. It's a sad fact. Marriage is not supposed to be like this. Every night before I go to bed, I'm around picking up HIS dirty clothes, his dishes off the floor (and usually cleaning up the liquid that was IN his glass that my daughter flipped over onto the carpet) and then making HIS dinner. I'm usually cussing under my breath the entire time. No one is supposed to be this miserable. I'm completely burned out, sleep deprived, and downright bitter. My husband will help, but never without an argument first. I would love to know what's it like to have him out of the house for a couple weeks. That or do a wife swap. I bought groceries the other day and spent $80 for the WEEK. He yelled at me. He's completely out of touch with reality and frankly, he has no frickin' clue how easy he has it. Even if he showed an OUNCE of appreciation towards what I do, I think I could manage these duties with a smile on my face but it's not there. He tells me if I would spread my legs more than maybe he would help. I could manage my household better without him. I feel your pain. Oh my god ... do I feel your pain.  I wish we weren't anonymous so I could just message you for a shoulder to cry on. I need it. Sounds like you need it too. I don't really know what to say. Sounds like we're in the same boat. And I don't mean to make your post about me. I'm just struggling right now and this post seemed appropriate to let it all out. Hang in there. At the very least, it feels better to get your frustrations out, right? I hope your life gets better.

by Ruby Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 7:24 PM

You need to do something that is 100% for you mama. It's SO easy to get stuck in a rut! Change up your routine, make playdates with friends that YOU enjoy, get into a hobby or take an exercise class! I know it gets rough sometimes, but it's so worth it! Hugs!

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