I don't think I want anything to do with the b**** ever again, I'm mad and hurt--it's a long'en
From the time I was a kid, my mom has left me off and on. Sometimes for weeks, sometimes for months,sometimes for years. She usually didn't call or anything while she was gone, but if I got in touch with her somehow she'd make empty promises of coming home then ignore me for the remainder of the time she was gone. She left to go be with well-to-do men who could support her drug habit. She left me with an abusive alcoholic who she knew wasn't my dad (she isn't certain who my dad is). She'd eventually come back when they got tired of her. (She was going out of state btw) sometimes I'd go with her when she went out of state.
When I was 11 is the first time I went with her when she was staying more than a week. While I was with her she'd have me help her find drugs,she'd have me carry them in case we got caught, she'd steal my money for them,etc. We ended up living out of a car, then the car got taken away as well so we were homeless with no food, no water,nowhere to go,etc.So she called the abusive alcoholic I mentioned early (her husband at the time) and we went back to him. I was 12 when we back to him. During this year a lot happened. I attempted suicide for one. I was in the hospital a month and she only came to see me to tell that I was so worthless I couldn't even kill myself correctly. The 2nd big event of my life as a 12 year old was being raped several times by my uncle. It only went on for a month and then I told on him. He went and hid several states away, refused a lie detector,etc but yet my family called me a lying whore saying he was too nice. They said that if he was going to rape someone he would rape my cousin (who was living with them at the time) not me because she was older and prettier. I was severely depressed, I was doing drugs, etc.
Close to my 13th birthday my mom left for good. She never called, never wrote, left while I was at school so didn't say bye, anything. It was like she just disappeared. Fast forward to when I'm 15. I move out of the abusive alcohlic's home and into the home of my now husband. My mom connects to me via Facebook. She tells me she is sorry, but won't explain any of the questions I ask. I forgive her anyways. So we start talking. We don't talk alot, a phone call here and there, but eventually she convinces me to come visit her. So I do. Several times. Each time she has been high. Each time she has taken my money. But I ignored it. Eventually she tells me she is off drugs. She tells me she has a job. She ask to borrow money with promises of paying me back. I even bought her a car. But today is the final straw.
Today I get a phone call. She's in jail. She went to Wal-mart high and stole 800$ worth of stuff. She had drugs in her pocket and resisted arrest. She swung at an officer as well. I'm done. She always told me she loved me. She would take me to fun parties and we would get drunk together and bond. She would talk about how much she missed me. She would talk about how she would take so much back if she could. She wanted me to come live with her and move out of my husband's home because she says it isn't the life someone of my age should have. She told me that she didn't want to miss out on anymore of my life. I feel like she lied about all of that. If it were true then WHY would she do this and risk 20 years in jail (she has a lot of previous felonies as well). Why would she choose to leave me like this? Not only leave me, but leave me when she knows my best friend just died a couple of months ago. I'm mad, I'm hurt, and I'm thinking it is time to give up on her.
Vent over. Any advice?