1. I don't like going to the OR for c-sections. Actually most of us don't.
2. Dad, stop asking me how much the baby weighs. I know you're excited, but your wife's vagina doesn't have a secret scale in there. The baby JUST came out and is lying on your wife's chest.
3. Stop commenting on how big your son's testicles are, it makes you seem perverted.
4. I don't have secret epidural agenda. In fact I don't really care what you do for pain management, I'm here to support whatever choice you make.
5. Grandma, its great you did it without an epidural, but don't make your daughter feel guilty if she chooses too .
6. Charge nurse, can I have a minute to go pee? I haven't gone in 8 hours!!
7. If your water breaks and you are GBS positive , do not wait 12 hours before coming in. Because. you. will. get. chorioamniotis.
8. No, Dr. I'm not increasing the pitocin if the baby is in fetal distress. We have a protocol jackass.
9. My hand doesn't have a telescope so nope, I don't know the color of your baby's hair.
10. What? You brought the nurses chocolate? We love you long time.
11. I don't mind picking up trash on your floor and wiping your behind and cleaning your vomit, but don't be fooled, I do have a Masters degree and I kinda know what I'm doing.
12. Moms, labor and delivery is the easy part. Trust me.
13. Not all babies are cute. But they all are precious.
14. Labor and delivery is an art and science. Most of us do care and enjoy our job.
15. Things can go badly quickly. I've seen it. Be flexible and open in your birth plan.
16. Birth is a miracle and amazes me EVERYTIME, And I've seen hundreds and hundreds of births. I've been known to cry on occasion!