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Confessions of a Labor & Delivery nurse

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

1. I don't like going to the OR for c-sections. Actually most of us don't.

2. Dad, stop asking me how much the baby weighs. I know you're excited, but your wife's vagina doesn't have a secret scale in there. The baby JUST came out and is lying on your wife's chest.

3. Stop commenting on how big your son's testicles are, it makes you seem perverted.

4. I don't have secret epidural agenda. In fact I don't really care what you do for pain management, I'm here to support whatever choice you make.

5. Grandma, its great you did it without an epidural, but don't make your daughter feel guilty if she chooses too .

6. Charge nurse, can I have a minute to go pee? I haven't gone in 8 hours!!

7. If your water breaks and you are GBS positive , do not wait 12 hours before coming in. Because. you. will. get. chorioamniotis.

8. No, Dr. I'm not increasing the pitocin if the baby is in fetal distress. We have a protocol jackass.

9. My hand doesn't have a telescope so nope, I don't know the color of your baby's hair.

10. What? You brought the nurses chocolate? We love you long time.

11. I don't mind picking up trash on your floor and wiping your behind and cleaning your vomit, but don't be fooled, I do have a Masters degree and I kinda know what I'm doing.

12. Moms, labor and delivery is the easy part. Trust me.

13. Not all babies are cute. But they all are precious.

14. Labor and delivery is an art and science. Most of us do care and enjoy our job.

15. Things can go badly quickly. I've seen it. Be flexible and open in your birth plan.

16. Birth is a miracle and amazes me EVERYTIME, And I've seen hundreds and hundreds of births. I've been known to cry on occasion!

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:24 PM
Replies (11-20):
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:31 PM

Bless you.  :)  

by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:31 PM

What is wrong with going to the OR for c-sections?  Is it the sanitation?  I had to have 3 (last one an emergency) and only the attending dr seemed bothered by it (I think he thought I was put under by the remarks, until they told him I was awake).

by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:32 PM
1 mom liked this
I know 15 is true. I was doing natural labor with no medicine but ended up needing an emergency c section because baby was stuck. Also just wondering but if you are breastfeeding exclusively and you don't want to have your child to have formula and a nurse keeps saying you should about five times in one hour can you ask for a different nurse to check on you or do anything for them to stop asking. My nurse even after I said no formula she kept wanting me to give her my daughter for her to give her a bottle.
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:32 PM
thank-you lol
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by Beach Bum on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:32 PM
2 moms liked this

Lol some of those were funny. I'm bringing chocolates to my delivery in July

by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:32 PM
Lol one of my nurses when i delivered my youngest a few months back was trying to hand out my cards to all the other nurses--i was literally still sitting with my knees open waiting to be stiched up---i was like can you give me just a minute!

I do brazilian and full body waxing
by Anonymous 8 on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:33 PM
1 mom liked this
What the heck is a blue waffle?

Op- why didn't I think to bring chocolates? Maybe they would have smiled once or maybe even twice. :-)

Quoting Anonymous:

Ever seen a blue waffle?
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:33 PM
Thank you for all you do! I'm hoping sometime in the next 5 years I can start nursing school to be a L&D nurse. I loved my births, and nurses, and I want to give that to another woman.
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by Anonymous 9 on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:33 PM
chorioamniotis? I was GBS positive but never heard that
by Anonymous 10 on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:33 PM

i didnt even like being there for both my c section. 

but i do think my planned one was worst than my emergency one, mostly because of the waiting. 

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