Confessions of a Labor & Delivery nurse

[Anonymous]

1. I don't like going to the OR for c-sections. Actually most of us don't.

2. Dad, stop asking me how much the baby weighs. I know you're excited, but your wife's vagina doesn't have a secret scale in there. The baby JUST came out and is lying on your wife's chest.

3. Stop commenting on how big your son's testicles are, it makes you seem perverted.

4. I don't have secret epidural agenda. In fact I don't really care what you do for pain management, I'm here to support whatever choice you make.

5. Grandma, its great you did it without an epidural, but don't make your daughter feel guilty if she chooses too .

6. Charge nurse, can I have a minute to go pee? I haven't gone in 8 hours!!

7. If your water breaks and you are GBS positive , do not wait 12 hours before coming in. Because. you. will. get. chorioamniotis.

8. No, Dr. I'm not increasing the pitocin if the baby is in fetal distress. We have a protocol jackass.

9. My hand doesn't have a telescope so nope, I don't know the color of your baby's hair.

10. What? You brought the nurses chocolate? We love you long time.

11. I don't mind picking up trash on your floor and wiping your behind and cleaning your vomit, but don't be fooled, I do have a Masters degree and I kinda know what I'm doing.

12. Moms, labor and delivery is the easy part. Trust me.

13. Not all babies are cute. But they all are precious.

14. Labor and delivery is an art and science. Most of us do care and enjoy our job.

15. Things can go badly quickly. I've seen it. Be flexible and open in your birth plan.

16. Birth is a miracle and amazes me EVERYTIME, And I've seen hundreds and hundreds of births. I've been known to cry on occasion!

[kylenkodysmom]

I'm trying to get into school for nursing. I want to be a L & D nurse. Do you HAVE to have your masters degree?

[Anonymous]

I always loved my l&d nurses. They made me feel relaxed and joked with dh. Made it a very nice experience.

[rmgriffberg]

 gotta say i love #8!

[Irenesmommy]

I opened this half expecting to see insults about body hair, and how some women are wimps, my smile grew as I read, thank you for this! and I may even send some chocolates down to the nursing staff where I delivered, even though it's been 5 years :)

[ms.ames]

Omg I'm laughing soo much it hurts my sides! Twatty Billows. I would have never kept a serious face hearing that name. Kudos to you on that one!!

Quoting Anonymous:

Actually, moms frequently do bring us gift baskets and treats, we love it and I've never worked at a hospital where it isn't allowed.

The most horrible name I've heard was a little girl named Twatty Billows (I'm not even close to kidding, I can't make that up)...it was really hard to scrub the shock off my face and say, "Oh! Beautiful name! That's definitely different!".

[mich.el.le]

#4 *coughbullshitcough*

# 7 not always true

#10 lol I baked everyone choc chip cookies and gave all the nurses goodie pales with cookies and lotion

#14 MAybe on your end. From the mother's end it's simply nature. :)

[JenB1983]

Lol, when I had my daughter all the nurses fawned over her. Of course, we were also one of the only two people on the floor. But, my main nurse went on and on about how pretty she was. S/O and I were laughing, saying that we were glad she was cute. The nurse laughed and said she definitely one that would be referred to as a "FLK".....funny lookin kid. :-P

[carterscutie85]

bump.

[Anonymous]

5. Grandma, its great you did it without an epidural, but don't make your daughter feel guilty if she choices too 

It's chooses*

[method209]

I loved my labour and delivery nurse, she made me very comfortable.  I would love to have her again if we have another child.