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Confessions of a Labor & Delivery nurse

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post


1. I don't like going to the OR for c-sections. Actually most of us don't.

2. Dad, stop asking me how much the baby weighs. I know you're excited, but your wife's vagina doesn't have a secret scale in there. The baby JUST came out and is lying on your wife's chest.

3. Stop commenting on how big your son's testicles are, it makes you seem perverted.

4. I don't have secret epidural agenda. In fact I don't really care what you do for pain management, I'm here to support whatever choice you make.

5. Grandma, its great you did it without an epidural, but don't make your daughter feel guilty if she chooses too .

6. Charge nurse, can I have a minute to go pee? I haven't gone in 8 hours!!

7. If your water breaks and you are GBS positive , do not wait 12 hours before coming in. Because. you. will. get. chorioamniotis.

8. No, Dr. I'm not increasing the pitocin if the baby is in fetal distress. We have a protocol jackass.

9. My hand doesn't have a telescope so nope, I don't know the color of your baby's hair.

10. What? You brought the nurses chocolate? We love you long time.

11. I don't mind picking up trash on your floor and wiping your behind and cleaning your vomit, but don't be fooled, I do have a Masters degree and I kinda know what I'm doing.

12. Moms, labor and delivery is the easy part. Trust me.

13. Not all babies are cute. But they all are precious.

14. Labor and delivery is an art and science. Most of us do care and enjoy our job.

15. Things can go badly quickly. I've seen it. Be flexible and open in your birth plan.

16. Birth is a miracle and amazes me EVERYTIME, And I've seen hundreds and hundreds of births. I've been known to cry on occasion!


Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:24 PM
Replies (41-50):
SRUsarahSC
by Platinum Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:38 PM

I LOVED my L&D nurse...she cried when I delivered (kid was stuck, in distress, they were pulling on my cervix, OR was nowhere near ready, it was a disaster). And I loved that all the nurses were just as excited to find out the gender of my baby as I was....they even wrote their guesses down on the extra white board in my room :)

mamivon2
by Silver Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:38 PM

agree with 13. my dd was just ugly when she came out

Leah3333
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:38 PM

My hospital says that we can accept gifts as long as they are less then $100. Most of us feel a little silly when people buy us stuff,  but food treats are yummy and I had a little old lady make me a scarf one year. I loved it.

Quoting Anonymous:

Actually, moms frequently do bring us gift baskets and treats, we love it and I've never worked at a hospital where it isn't allowed.

The most horrible name I've heard was a little girl named Twatty Billows (I'm not even close to kidding, I can't make that up)...it was really hard to scrub the shock off my face and say, "Oh! Beautiful name! That's definitely different!".


Byrd15
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:38 PM

Hahahah I will keep the chocolates in mind for when I have my daughter in May. :)

This made me laugh, thank you so much for what you do everyday! <3 <3 <3 <3

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eykelley
by Silver Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:38 PM
Omg! Thank u for putting this up! I start my new position at a big hospital in the WIS (women infan services!) department on the 14th and I'm so excited! I've worked adult acute care forever! I'm ready to be helping w/ the babies and mommys. Oh- I'm a tech too. But, I'm in nursing school to get my BSN and then hoping to get my NP in pediatrics. :D
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NiCo86
by Platinum Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:38 PM

 what percent of women poo while delivering?

 

ETA** This was my biggest concern going in to labor LOL I told my DH to lie to me if I did, and he told me I didn't, but I don't know if he's lying or not LOL

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alexsmomaubrys2
by Ruby Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:39 PM

This is what I am going to school for! Thank you for posting. I am going to get my Masters and become a Midwife, that is the end goal.

.Funfetti.
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:39 PM

I loved all my nurses....the doctors? Not so much. 

For my first baby, my daughter, the nurse was a saint! I even have her in the baby book, I took a pic :) She helped me thru 17 hours of med free labor and did every trick in the book so i could feel at ease. 

For my last baby, it was doctor's(resident?) first birth and I have a pic with him...and my vagina...but his face is of amazement holding my son. He kept saying how great I was for doing it med free. 

For that last one, after everyone had left a nurse came in and asked me how it feels to do it med free because she never had anyone do it before and she was curious. I'm not going to lie, they made me feel like a queen. I have nothing but GREAT memories from all 3 of my deliveries. 

Leah3333
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:39 PM

I am an ER nurse, but I know when things don't go as planned and then things turn out being ok, we are excited and happy... Relieved.

Quoting SRUsarahSC:

I LOVED my L&D nurse...she cried when I delivered (kid was stuck, in distress, they were pulling on my cervix, OR was nowhere near ready, it was a disaster). And I loved that all the nurses were just as excited to find out the gender of my baby as I was....they even wrote their guesses down on the extra white board in my room :)


Mandi812
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 8:39 PM

13. Not all babies are cute. But they all are precious.


TRUE STORY.  I have actually told friends their baby was not cute.  But I still loved them.

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