I feel like such a failure right now. Christmas really took it's toll on mine and SO's finances. We didn't even go mad with gifts but all our monthly bills came out at the same time as Christmas plus I still had a loan I was paying off. We also had my DD's birthday on 2nd Jan so that was more money.
Well today I have woken up with less than I thought. I have half a loaf of bread, a big carton of milk, some cereal, a pizza and frozen stew left. I had enough to give my children breakfast and have enough for the morning too, I was also able to give them toast for lunch with a small biscuit each, I found in the bottom of the jar. For dinner I can give them pizza but have nothing to accompany it and don't have any desert (they usually get something sweet after their evening meal).
My SO has gone to work for his friend today, painting a house but he will only bring home $40. I have a pre pay electric and gas meter which are both about to run out too. Plus my SO will have to buy something for the children to eat tomorrow and a meal for us also.
We are not on benefits, my SO works part time and I am not allowed to work at the moment due to mental health issues and I feel like a complete failure for not being able provide properly for my children. My SO says everything will be ok and once I start working from home and the weather permits his work to increase, things will go back to how they used to be............full cupboards all week long, no worries of gas and electric, me not feeling so useless.
I know he's right but I can't help but feel that if I was stronger in my mind and just got better quicker than we wouldn't be in this position now. I feel like I have let myself, my children and my SO down.
Sorry just needed to get it out there, please I don't need a bashing.
***My SO can get a sub from his part time job but not until the offices open up on Monday. It is just for this weekend we will be struggling this bad food wise but come next week, his sub will still not help us become as comfortable as we were before Christmas***
***without my income my children will have to get used to being told no a lot more and I hate it, I wanted to give my children all the things I never had, love and a home included***