Dh wants to go to a movie tomorrow

[Devious333]

We both want to see The Hobbit, we haven't been on a date together since May of last year, but I don't like leaving dd (or even ds, really) at dh's parents house. Dd is 9 months, is crawling and will find stuff to put in her mouth. Their house isn't child proof, they don't have a gate for their stairs, she can get into the kitchen and pick stuff off the floor (they don't sweep often), and when we were over there a couple weeks ago, their little dog growled and snapped at dd over food on the floor (he's not a kid dog and even growls at ds), scratched/bruised her face. So when we were over there on New Years Eve, I didn't get to hang out and talk to adults...I was stuck making sure dd didn't get bit by the dog or pick something off the floor because my nieces are pigs and leave food and stuff all over the place. Dh and everyone was playing a board game and, as usual, I didn't get to participate...I tried but I kept having to stop dd from going into the kitchen or from going near the dog.

Anyway. I told dh I wanted his mom to come over here, mostly because of dd, but ds is allergic to something in their house. Everytime he goes over there his eyes get red and puffy, he sneezes, coughs, etc. He has allergies anyway but he's never like that at home. We go over to their house for holidays and when we eat dinner with them. They rarely come to our house.

MIL won't put her dog in her room while dd is there because her dog retaliates by shitting or pissing somewhere. I don't go anywhere or do anything unless dh is at home with the kids or we all go together...and hiring a babysitter isn't an option because I don't know anyone here and I don't like people who aren't family watching my kids. MIL told dh today that she would like it if the kids went to their house tomorrow so she could do laundry...so idk if she'll come over to watch them. I told dh just to go the movie with his dad or something. I could tell he was kind of frustrated when I said that but I don't want dd getting hurt.

How would you feel about this? And I don't think I'm overreacting...I don't like the idea of my 9 month old choking, falling down stairs or being mauled by a dog, knowing these possibilities, would you feel the same?

Eta: Lol some of you think I'm making up excuses, yet a lot of women on here are SAHMs because they don't trust daycares or anyone to watch their kids. How am I any different than you?

[Devious333]

Yeah :\ when we lived near ds's grandma, she would take him for a night or stay with us so we could go out. We got used to taking ds everywhere. We don't do a lot these days anyway because dh works so much and I work overnights on the weekends. I would rather people think I'm a nutjob than come home to an injured kid.

Quoting Anonymous:

I would tell her to come to you and use your washing machine. You won't enjoy yourself if you worry about dd and ds the whole time. For the record I understand. My kids are 2 and 3 and never been with a babysitter who wasn't family (usually my mom). We live over 1000 miles from home so we get a date night maybe once a year (if that).

[Aleta775]

You need to find a regular baby sitter that is not family, and that is willing to come to your home. Family doesn't always make the best baby sitters. We didn't have a choice. We don't have any family in this state. If we want to have a date or do anything we have to get a baby sitter. 

Do you have a university or college around you? You can post an add for students that are taking courses to be teachers or taking child development courses. I found the most amazing baby sitter ever that way. She's wonderful and my dd loves her. 

[Devious333]

I guess I don't see how I'm hurting my marriage...when you have kids, this shit is to be expected. If you go into a marriage thinking it's all rainbows and butterflies, you've got the wrong idea. He's lucky I even said "maybe" since I work tonight, overnight, and will be tired tomorrow. If he can't stand by how I feel about our kids, which he does, then he isn't worth it.

Quoting Bknotnobody:

This.



I think you're overreacting. Tell mil your washer works just fine.



Either way you're hurting your marriage.



Suck it up buttercup and find a sitter!

Quoting Anonymous:

I think you need to get to work to find a babysitter. relationships require dedication and work. you can't just tell dh no and expect to have a strong marriage.

[Aleta775]

A marriage is also about making time for each other, and you are not doing that. 

Quoting Devious333:

I guess I don't see how I'm hurting my marriage...when you have kids, this shit is to be expected. If you go into a marriage thinking it's all rainbows and butterflies, you've got the wrong idea. He's lucky I even said "maybe" since I work tonight, overnight, and will be tired tomorrow. If he can't stand by how I feel about our kids, which he does, then he isn't worth it.

Quoting Bknotnobody:

This.



I think you're overreacting. Tell mil your washer works just fine.



Either way you're hurting your marriage.



Suck it up buttercup and find a sitter!

Quoting Anonymous:

I think you need to get to work to find a babysitter. relationships require dedication and work. you can't just tell dh no and expect to have a strong marriage.

[Devious333]

We have a comm. college. This town is very small, there isn't much here. When dd is older I will probably look into that stuff more. Thanks.

Quoting Aleta775:

You need to find a regular baby sitter that is not family, and that is willing to come to your home. Family doesn't always make the best baby sitters. We didn't have a choice. We don't have any family in this state. If we want to have a date or do anything we have to get a baby sitter. 

Do you have a university or college around you? You can post an add for students that are taking courses to be teachers or taking child development courses. I found the most amazing baby sitter ever that way. She's wonderful and my dd loves her. 

[Devious333]

When you have young kids that's difficult. Kids come first. Always.

Quoting Aleta775:

A marriage is also about making time for each other, and you are not doing that. 

Quoting Devious333:

I guess I don't see how I'm hurting my marriage...when you have kids, this shit is to be expected. If you go into a marriage thinking it's all rainbows and butterflies, you've got the wrong idea. He's lucky I even said "maybe" since I work tonight, overnight, and will be tired tomorrow. If he can't stand by how I feel about our kids, which he does, then he isn't worth it.

Quoting Bknotnobody:

This.





I think you're overreacting. Tell mil your washer works just fine.





Either way you're hurting your marriage.





Suck it up buttercup and find a sitter!

Quoting Anonymous:

I think you need to get to work to find a babysitter. relationships require dedication and work. you can't just tell dh no and expect to have a strong marriage.

[mattiehatter]

You could always consider finding someone on Care.com or sittercity.com . Message back and forth, meet them, have a meeting with your kids and potential sitter.

[Aleta775]

I get it. I've been there. However it does sound like you need to loosen up a little bit. There are good and trust worthy baby sitters out there that are not blood relatives. Plus, you deserve the break. Kids sometimes do come first, but you shouldn't back burner your dh either. He obvisouly loves you and wants some special time with you. Loosen up. 

Quoting Devious333:

When you have young kids that's difficult. Kids come first. Always.

[Devious333]

I will try. Ty.

Quoting mattiehatter:

You could always consider finding someone on Care.com or sittercity.com . Message back and forth, meet them, have a meeting with your kids and potential sitter.

[mattiehatter]

I think some of them even have background checks and references. Sorry just adding. Good luck.

Quoting Devious333:

I will try. Ty.

Quoting mattiehatter:

You could always consider finding someone on Care.com or sittercity.com . Message back and forth, meet them, have a meeting with your kids and potential sitter.