Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

No, you may not get a vasectomy and end my ability to procreate!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I just gave birth to our third and fourth children, and my husband has now stated on multiple occasions in the month since they were born that he plans to get "cut".  My suspicion is that he is totally overwhelmed right now.  Knowing him, he would regret the choice.  Regardless, this is upsetting me for two reasons.  

1- Getting "cut" is a circumcision.  Getting "snipped" is a vasectomy.  I have held my tongue, but I feel every inch of my body tense up every time he says it.  It sounds stupid.  He doesn't need to get "cut".  He was circumcised 30 years ago.

2- He knew very well from the beginning of our relationship that I am opposed to permanent sterilization as a birth control method within the context of marriage.  I very clearly stated that a vasectomy or tubal ligation would not be something that I would consider.  I said that I could not feel good about making that choice as a couple, and I was not willing to enter a marriage that kept that possibility open.  And years later, here we are... married.  And here he is... talking about getting a vasectomy.

This is not about beliefs on vasectomies.  It isn't about who gets to decide.  It's about honoring your partner enough to respect their beliefs and make good on the promises that were made and arrangements that were agreed to before the marriage.

Am I wrong?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:18 PM
Replies (11-20):
by Ruby Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:23 PM
3 moms liked this
Sounds like he us making a responsible decision. He realizes his limits.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:24 PM
If he gets snipped it's affecting HIS ability to have children. You would still be capable....just not with him (unless it fails). Are you pro-choice? Because it's HIS body, HIS choice in this scenario.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:24 PM
3 moms liked this
Your husband is trying to express to you that he doesn't think he wants anymore children.

It's time for the 2 of you to sit down and really discuss birth control options.
by Emerald Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:24 PM
2 moms liked this

Yeah, you are wrong.  Chances are, with 4 kids, he DOESN'T want anymore.  4, by today's standards, are quite a few.  Providing college and all the rest of it for that many kids is a LOT.

And it's HIS body.  If he chooses not to father any more kids - fine.  It's not like you don't have any, or even that he's doing it without telling you.  He doesn't want more kids, and is willing to take steps so that HE doesn't have more kids.  Nothing big about that.  And a wise choice, I might add.

by Gold Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:25 PM
This is pretty much what I'm thinking .....

Quoting scperdomo:

Its not about who is right or wrong, clearly, after 4 kids, your husband's position has changed. Its a conversation you and your husband need to have.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Tayla on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:25 PM
Things change. People change. He might have agreed to that years ago without fully thinking it through. If he does it will you love him less. If so how can you say you even loved him at all? It's his body and his choice. You can disagree but will you let it rip apart your life?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Emerald Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:26 PM

Quoting Anonymous:

I would respect the arrangement that we made prior to getting married.

Quoting KeenaStarr:

How would you feel if the roles were reversed?


Well, you know - things change.  Not everything can be set in stone prior to getting married and having kids.

by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:26 PM
I don't know about where you live and what kind of medical facilities you use but here , all of the doctors we have ever met with require both the husband and wife to be at the consult of a sterilization procedure to make sure both parties are on board and understand fully the effects of the procedure and any possible side effects.
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:26 PM

So if he still goes ahead and does it what are your beliefs about divorce?

by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:27 PM
Your title screams nothing but selfishness, and he's not ending your ability to procreate. He's ending his. It sounds like he's done having kids.
Hypothetically, if you wanted to get your tubes tied would you expect him to respect your decision? Or would you rather he demand you were not?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)