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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

No, you may not get a vasectomy and end my ability to procreate!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I just gave birth to our third and fourth children, and my husband has now stated on multiple occasions in the month since they were born that he plans to get "cut".  My suspicion is that he is totally overwhelmed right now.  Knowing him, he would regret the choice.  Regardless, this is upsetting me for two reasons.  

1- Getting "cut" is a circumcision.  Getting "snipped" is a vasectomy.  I have held my tongue, but I feel every inch of my body tense up every time he says it.  It sounds stupid.  He doesn't need to get "cut".  He was circumcised 30 years ago.

2- He knew very well from the beginning of our relationship that I am opposed to permanent sterilization as a birth control method within the context of marriage.  I very clearly stated that a vasectomy or tubal ligation would not be something that I would consider.  I said that I could not feel good about making that choice as a couple, and I was not willing to enter a marriage that kept that possibility open.  And years later, here we are... married.  And here he is... talking about getting a vasectomy.

This is not about beliefs on vasectomies.  It isn't about who gets to decide.  It's about honoring your partner enough to respect their beliefs and make good on the promises that were made and arrangements that were agreed to before the marriage.

Am I wrong?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:18 PM
Replies (21-30):
azpreemiemom
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:28 PM
1 mom liked this
If he doesn't want anymore kids, you have no right to force him to have more children.
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ibelieveinpink
by Platinum Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:28 PM
1 mom liked this
My husband got his without my signed consent. We're in WA.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know about where you live and what kind of medical facilities you use but here , all of the doctors we have ever met with require both the husband and wife to be at the consult of a sterilization procedure to make sure both parties are on board and understand fully the effects of the procedure and any possible side effects.
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ittybit2012
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:28 PM

People change.  Haven't YOU changed your position on some things during your marriage?  

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:28 PM
Wow !!! Way to go on telling him what to do with HIS body . And we all change our pov because we dont know what life will throw at us . As the saying goes " nothing is set in stone " ... He may think 4 kids are enough but sounds like you wanna be a Michelle douggar . And it wont end your ability to procreate , it will end his !!!
MumsTheWord571
by Platinum Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:29 PM
A lot of urologist offices won't allow a married man to get a vasectomy without spousal consent. My dhs urologist made me sign in the office before they did the procedure.
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cklamour
by Gold Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:29 PM
Hehehehehe

Quoting Anonymous:

So if he still goes ahead and does it what are your beliefs about divorce?

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ittybit2012
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:29 PM

I signed the paperwork for my tubal without my ex's consent.  I told him two was enough and he agreed.  

Quoting ibelieveinpink:

My husband got his without my signed consent. We're in WA.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know about where you live and what kind of medical facilities you use but here , all of the doctors we have ever met with require both the husband and wife to be at the consult of a sterilization procedure to make sure both parties are on board and understand fully the effects of the procedure and any possible side effects.


Tal0n
by Platinum Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:29 PM

Yes.  You're wrong.

PaperClip811
by Silver Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:29 PM
1 mom liked this

 I would be upset about the principle of the matter. You guys had this discussion, long ago and it would bother me that he would just decide that was no good. But if he approached me wanting to reconsider that arrangement/decision I would listen.. it's a partnership and perhaps there are reasons behind him feeling differently now.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:29 PM

Anything like this should always be an open conversation and joint decision between the adults in the marriage.

A friend of ours never wanted kids. He talked about getting snipped, but chose not to. He got divorced, met a woman we introduced him to who wanted kids, and got snipped a month after they got married without telling her. Needless to say, that was a short marriage.

You both need to sit down, and have a conversation about what BOTH of you want.

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