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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

No, you may not get a vasectomy and end my ability to procreate!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I just gave birth to our third and fourth children, and my husband has now stated on multiple occasions in the month since they were born that he plans to get "cut".  My suspicion is that he is totally overwhelmed right now.  Knowing him, he would regret the choice.  Regardless, this is upsetting me for two reasons.  

1- Getting "cut" is a circumcision.  Getting "snipped" is a vasectomy.  I have held my tongue, but I feel every inch of my body tense up every time he says it.  It sounds stupid.  He doesn't need to get "cut".  He was circumcised 30 years ago.

2- He knew very well from the beginning of our relationship that I am opposed to permanent sterilization as a birth control method within the context of marriage.  I very clearly stated that a vasectomy or tubal ligation would not be something that I would consider.  I said that I could not feel good about making that choice as a couple, and I was not willing to enter a marriage that kept that possibility open.  And years later, here we are... married.  And here he is... talking about getting a vasectomy.

This is not about beliefs on vasectomies.  It isn't about who gets to decide.  It's about honoring your partner enough to respect their beliefs and make good on the promises that were made and arrangements that were agreed to before the marriage.

Am I wrong?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:18 PM
Replies (31-40):
wilesmomma
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:30 PM
His body his choice
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
arrlmr2010
by Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:30 PM

I wasn't present when my husband had his consultation and I didn't sign anything. We are in CA 

Quoting ibelieveinpink:

My husband got his without my signed consent. We're in WA.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know about where you live and what kind of medical facilities you use but here , all of the doctors we have ever met with require both the husband and wife to be at the consult of a sterilization procedure to make sure both parties are on board and understand fully the effects of the procedure and any possible side effects.


rawrmommysaurus
by Silver Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:30 PM

what form of BC are you using now?  Are you against hormonal methods?  If not, do your research and find one that is right for you.  I am of the firm belief that you (meaning couples) should wait at least a year before doing a permanent form of BC.  

If you are against it then I would get a few books on natural family planning and read them with DH.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:31 PM
They don't all require signed consent but all that we have met with wanted both of us present at the consult.


Quoting ibelieveinpink:

My husband got his without my signed consent. We're in WA.



Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know about where you live and what kind of medical facilities you use but here , all of the doctors we have ever met with require both the husband and wife to be at the consult of a sterilization procedure to make sure both parties are on board and understand fully the effects of the procedure and any possible side effects.

zoo003
by Gold Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:31 PM

We live in Oregon and my dh didn't need my signed consent either. 

OP-things change/people change.  Maybe when the two of you discussed the arrangements before marriage, he was open to it.  However, 4 children later, he may have a change of heart and is happy with only having 4 children. 

Quoting ibelieveinpink:

My husband got his without my signed consent. We're in WA.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know about where you live and what kind of medical facilities you use but here , all of the doctors we have ever met with require both the husband and wife to be at the consult of a sterilization procedure to make sure both parties are on board and understand fully the effects of the procedure and any possible side effects.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:31 PM

I'm in MI, as far as I know, DH didn't have to sign anything when I got my tubes tied. It was the day after #3 was born, and we both agreed to it long before I did it, and we had both talked with the doctor about it- he knew we both agreed. Not sure if DH would have even been consulted.

Quoting ittybit2012:

I signed the paperwork for my tubal without my ex's consent.  I told him two was enough and he agreed.  

Quoting ibelieveinpink:

My husband got his without my signed consent. We're in WA.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know about where you live and what kind of medical facilities you use but here , all of the doctors we have ever met with require both the husband and wife to be at the consult of a sterilization procedure to make sure both parties are on board and understand fully the effects of the procedure and any possible side effects.



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:31 PM

He'll be fine in a few weeks or months. Just needs breathing time...

TheMrs407
by Emerald Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:31 PM
His body, his choice, even if he changes his mind.
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Mommavieve
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:32 PM
2 moms liked this
Sorry, but I'm 100% pro choice. His body, his choice. Also, why do you care what term he uses for it?
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:32 PM
Every state is different. If it makes a difference all of our major hospitals and surrounding clinics are associated with universities.


Quoting arrlmr2010:

I wasn't present when my husband had his consultation and I didn't sign anything. We are in CA 


Quoting ibelieveinpink:

My husband got his without my signed consent. We're in WA.



Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know about where you live and what kind of medical facilities you use but here , all of the doctors we have ever met with require both the husband and wife to be at the consult of a sterilization procedure to make sure both parties are on board and understand fully the effects of the procedure and any possible side effects.



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