Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

No, you may not get a vasectomy and end my ability to procreate!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I just gave birth to our third and fourth children, and my husband has now stated on multiple occasions in the month since they were born that he plans to get "cut".  My suspicion is that he is totally overwhelmed right now.  Knowing him, he would regret the choice.  Regardless, this is upsetting me for two reasons.  

1- Getting "cut" is a circumcision.  Getting "snipped" is a vasectomy.  I have held my tongue, but I feel every inch of my body tense up every time he says it.  It sounds stupid.  He doesn't need to get "cut".  He was circumcised 30 years ago.

2- He knew very well from the beginning of our relationship that I am opposed to permanent sterilization as a birth control method within the context of marriage.  I very clearly stated that a vasectomy or tubal ligation would not be something that I would consider.  I said that I could not feel good about making that choice as a couple, and I was not willing to enter a marriage that kept that possibility open.  And years later, here we are... married.  And here he is... talking about getting a vasectomy.

This is not about beliefs on vasectomies.  It isn't about who gets to decide.  It's about honoring your partner enough to respect their beliefs and make good on the promises that were made and arrangements that were agreed to before the marriage.

Am I wrong?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:18 PM
Replies (41-50):
ibelieveinpink
by Platinum Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:32 PM
I didn't have to be at the consult either.

Quoting Anonymous:

They don't all require signed consent but all that we have met with wanted both of us present at the consult.




Quoting ibelieveinpink:

My husband got his without my signed consent. We're in WA.





Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know about where you live and what kind of medical facilities you use but here , all of the doctors we have ever met with require both the husband and wife to be at the consult of a sterilization procedure to make sure both parties are on board and understand fully the effects of the procedure and any possible side effects.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
zoo003
by Gold Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:33 PM

When my dh had his, I wasn't required to be there for the consult or the procedure (in fact, I wasn't). 

Quoting Anonymous:

They don't all require signed consent but all that we have met with wanted both of us present at the consult.


Quoting ibelieveinpink:

My husband got his without my signed consent. We're in WA.



Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know about where you live and what kind of medical facilities you use but here , all of the doctors we have ever met with require both the husband and wife to be at the consult of a sterilization procedure to make sure both parties are on board and understand fully the effects of the procedure and any possible side effects.


alexsmomaubrys2
by Ruby Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Things change and you have to learn to be flexible. He obviously doesn't want anymore children.

What about talking to him and setting a time frame? Like wait a year and if you still want one then we'll get it done.

Quoting Anonymous:

I would respect the arrangement that we made prior to getting married.

Quoting KeenaStarr:

How would you feel if the roles were reversed?



AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickersAlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:33 PM

This board is on fire tonight with women whiny about things they can't control and ignoring the things they can.

momo3fgr8tteens
by Ruby Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:33 PM

We didn't have to have me sign either. 

Quoting ibelieveinpink:

My husband got his without my signed consent. We're in WA.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know about where you live and what kind of medical facilities you use but here , all of the doctors we have ever met with require both the husband and wife to be at the consult of a sterilization procedure to make sure both parties are on board and understand fully the effects of the procedure and any possible side effects.


sugareemommee
by Platinum Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:33 PM
I think it's time to go over that agreement. I think your feelings are justified.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:33 PM
You both talked to your doctor therefore no consent form or formal consult needed.


Quoting Anonymous:

I'm in MI, as far as I know, DH didn't have to sign anything when I got my tubes tied. It was the day after #3 was born, and we both agreed to it long before I did it, and we had both talked with the doctor about it- he knew we both agreed. Not sure if DH would have even been consulted.

Quoting ittybit2012:

I signed the paperwork for my tubal without my ex's consent.  I told him two was enough and he agreed.  

Quoting ibelieveinpink:

My husband got his without my signed consent. We're in WA.



Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know about where you live and what kind of medical facilities you use but here , all of the doctors we have ever met with require both the husband and wife to be at the consult of a sterilization procedure to make sure both parties are on board and understand fully the effects of the procedure and any possible side effects.




shymomof4
by Kristyn on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Lol I was about to say the same thing.

Quoting lovinmyboys...:

It would not end your ability to procreate, it would end his.


alexsmomaubrys2
by Ruby Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:34 PM

I was required to send a sign statement giving my husband permission. I was so upset that I had to do it. It's his body, his choice.

Quoting zoo003:

When my dh had his, I wasn't required to be there for the consult or the procedure (in fact, I wasn't). 

Quoting Anonymous:

They don't all require signed consent but all that we have met with wanted both of us present at the consult.


Quoting ibelieveinpink:

My husband got his without my signed consent. We're in WA.



Quoting Anonymous:

I don't know about where you live and what kind of medical facilities you use but here , all of the doctors we have ever met with require both the husband and wife to be at the consult of a sterilization procedure to make sure both parties are on board and understand fully the effects of the procedure and any possible side effects.



AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickersAlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

ms.ames
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 11:34 PM

its his body. he doesnt want kids anymore, let him be

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)