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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I want to get my tubes tied and he says no

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I'm done having kids, we decided on three and that's what we have. Our youngest is 3 and I'm done with the toddler stage and ready for the next chapter in our lives and for me that means permanent birth control like getting my tubes tied or essure. My husband thinks differently. He thinks we may want another child down the road and we will regret it but I know I won't. I love my kids to death but 3 is enough, I can't handle anymore.

I hate to go behind his back and get it done when he's out of town but I know I'm done having kids.



Let me clarify what I mean when I say getting it done behind his back. He works out of town for 6 weeks at a time. I'd secretly set up the procedure for a time when he's at work and I'd tell him either the night before or the day of when it would be too late for him to come home.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:44 AM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:55 AM
I married for life. There will be no remarriage.

I see no reason to test fate when I know I'm done, know that I couldn't handle a 4th child.

Quoting ilana_ny:

This procedure just scares me for some reason. What if you will have to have another baby for some reason. What if you remarry:-) (I hope not, but it happens)? There is so many "what ifs" . Me, personally, I will never do it, especially if your DH disagree. There are a lot of other options/BCs.
AllofFive19
by Ruby Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:55 AM

http://www.tubal-reversal.net/blog/2012/dr-berger/essure-reversal-or-in-vitro-fertilization.html This was the first link I brought up... now there's a possibility of permanent damage, but maybe you could point to this and say that they were able to get pregnant and talk him into getting the procedure. If you choose not to have it removed, well there's nothing that can be done because it's already in. On the extremely off chance that you change your mind, it can be reversed. That way both of you will seem to come to a compromise. You get your permanent birth control and he gets the slight chance that maybe you'll want another kid someday.

Quoting Anonymous:

No what I read is essure is pretty much permanent, it scars your tubes.

Quoting AllofFive19:

I'd hate to have you do a tubal, but maybe you can talk him into Essure as it can be removed and you can still get pregnant if it's removed.


lizzymom80
by Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:55 AM
Maybe get an IUD? They stay in place for 5 to 10 years depending on which one you get. After DD was born, DH knew he didn't want more kids but I was unsure. We compromised by me getting the Mirena IUD. When that five years was up, we both were on the same page about no more children and DH had a vasectomy.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:56 AM

My DH's urologist didn't ask me any questions, he just asked if I was onboard with the vasectomy decision and DH said yes.  I never even met the doctor.  Honestly, I'd say if a doctor thought it was their business to ask that they speak with your spouse, time to find a new doctor.  It's not a law and if an abotion can be had without both parties consenting, and I'm pro-choice, they should not ask if your husband is okay with you getting your tubes tied. 

You have 3, you don't want more and he has no say in trying to stop you.  I think he has a hell of a lot of nerve telling you no when he is gone for 6 weeks at a time.  It's easy to say kids are awesome and you should have 10 when he is gone so much.

alexsmomaubrys2
by Ruby Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this

I think that it is a decision that should be made by both of you. That being said, it is your body, so it is your choice.

Although, I see a lot of marital problems in your future if you lie to him about it and sneak around.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:57 AM
Good luck with that. The moment you do it behind his back and lie, you put your marriage in danger. What if he finds out you did it? I assume he would be upset,hurt, and could leave you over it? Is it really worth all that? I would keep talking to him and tell him you are doing t it but don't do it behind his back. That is just wrong!
ilana_ny
by Gold Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:57 AM
You just answered your own question than. Good luck :-)


Quoting Anonymous:

I married for life. There will be no remarriage.



I see no reason to test fate when I know I'm done, know that I couldn't handle a 4th child.



Quoting ilana_ny:

This procedure just scares me for some reason. What if you will have to have another baby for some reason. What if you remarry:-) (I hope not, but it happens)? There is so many "what ifs" . Me, personally, I will never do it, especially if your DH disagree. There are a lot of other options/BCs.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:57 AM
No, I haven't seen that post. This is something we've talked about off and on for 3 years and I don't know what to say to convince him I want it done.

Quoting loisl25:

Is this a spinoff of the post where the woman's hubby wants a vasectomy and she doesn't want him to do it?

alexsmomaubrys2
by Ruby Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:58 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

My DH's urologist didn't ask me any questions, he just asked if I was onboard with the vasectomy decision and DH said yes.  I never even met the doctor.  Honestly, I'd say if a doctor thought it was their business to ask that they speak with your spouse, time to find a new doctor.  It's not a law and if an abotion can be had without both parties consenting, and I'm pro-choice, they should not ask if your husband is okay with you getting your tubes tied. 

You have 3, you don't want more and he has no say in trying to stop you.  I think he has a hell of a lot of nerve telling you no when he is gone for 6 weeks at a time.  It's easy to say kids are awesome and you should have 10 when he is gone so much.

I was required to sign a statement saying that I was okay with my husbands vasectomy and that I knew it meant we would not have anymore children.

I didn't like having to do it because I believe that it is his body, his choice but it was the only urologist in our area that took our insurance. LOL.

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MrsMWF
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:58 AM

Essure is considered permanent. I hope you didn't get Essure thinking it could easily be removed. If you want long term BC that can be reomoved you should look into an IUD.

Quoting AllofFive19:

I'd hate to have you do a tubal, but maybe you can talk him into Essure as it can be removed and you can still get pregnant if it's removed.


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