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Dh recently found out he has another son

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

We have been together for 10 years, married for almost 8 and have 5 children together. A year ago, he found out he has a 12 (now 13) year old son. She wrote him a letter telling him about his son and in the letter, it clearly states that she didn't tell him when she got pregnant. She ended up moving with her family (they were both 18 at the time) out of state and found out she was pregnant and chose to not contact him.

It included her number so after we talked about it, we called her. He told her he would like to have a relationship with him. She said "oh no, that's not why I contacted you, I want my money, you have been a dead beat father for 12 years and I want what you owe, you can see him when you pay ever dime you owe". My brother is an attorney who specializes in family law. He said that because we can prove that DH had no knowledge of the child, he does not owe child support for the past. We also decided to fight paying current child support since, while this is my DH's bio child, he was robbed of the chance to be a father to him, he didn't get to know him as a baby (during the time most of the bonding takes place), he missed most of his growing up and has had no say in how he was raised.

We went to court last month and the judge ordered that DH get the whole summer every year and all of the breaks. He practically laughed at DH's ex when she said she wanted back child support since he was born after we showed him the letter and ordered DH to pay child support based on having 5 other children. Usually, they don't do that when the child the support is ordered for is the first child but since DH didn't know about him and therefore had no reason to have to plan to pay child support, the judge did it. Since the judge also ordered that DH's ex has to pay all transportation costs, the amount of CS will pretty much just cover that.

After talking to his son and understanding that his son does have a life and wants to spend time with his friends and family, DH said that his son could visit as long as he wants, which they agreed would be 2 weeks each summer and a week during spring break.

The sad thing is, I don't think she would have ever contacted him had she not found out that he has a good job and makes a nice income. I am glad that it all worked out in court for us but I do feel bad for my DH. At the same time, and I have a hard time admitting this, I am glad he didn't know. There is no way we would have had all 5 of our kids knowing he has another, especially if he would have been paying the full amount of CS.

He will be coming this spring break for about a week, that's in just a few months. I want to make him feel welcome but at the same time, I don't want my kids to feel unimportant. We have a 5 bedroom home (the twins share a room) but downstairs, we have a computer room that is closed in and it has a fold out couch in it, I was thinking about putting him in there, what do you think? Any other advice?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 6, 2013 at 11:16 AM
Replies (221-226):
Mocking.Jay
by Gold Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 1:33 AM

Why would we pay MORE for daycare?? I think the point is to pay LESS.

And dads get away with a lot of shit that custodial mothers cannot. 

Quoting momof6nokc:

How often do you pay MORze than is required for, say, Daycare or an extra curricular? Daycare costs $100 per week----how often have you volunteered to pay $200 per week instead????


momof6nokc
by Gold Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 9:33 AM

Name calling----the battle cry of those who realize they are losing an argument.  :o)

Again, for all of those who call BF names and disparage him for working on reducing his CS to the woman who clearly is a POS mother---why aren't YOU paying extra for your children's daycare provider or preschool?  After all, they are CARING for your child every day.  Shouldn't you WANT to pay the person who cares for your child more than just the bare minimum?????  WHY NOT? 

You all call this man names for not paying more than he should, yet admit you all don't pay more than you should for your child's goods and services.

It's not a difficult concept folks.  If dad is called names for not voluntarily paying extra to female who birthed his child, then why aren't moms called names for not paying extra to child care providers, doctors, nurses, etc?  Those folks are caring for your children as well. 

The double standards on CM make me laugh and laugh....

Quoting Mocking.Jay:

She's a fucking idiot.

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting momof6nokc:

Still waiting for all the women bitching about the father fighting the CS amount to go ahead and tell ALLLLL the times they voluntarily paid extra for goods/services for their child.

I have a feeling I'm going to be waiting a very long time.

Such hypocrites.

You would not be waiting very long at all. Every custodial mom I know, myself included, pays for extras on a routine basis--clothes, school supplies, projects, band, trips, etc. The noncustodial dad has a set amount which only goes up if the amount is reviewed. The custodial parent has to pay every single time an item goes up in cost, a teacher requires something else for a project, the kid wants to join an activity, etc. Many of us are left with thousands of dollars in medical bills. I had to pay them in order for my sons to be treated, but dad has not paid although court ordered. He owes me over $6000 in his part or unreimbursed medical  bills. Drs and hospitals will not get involved in child support orders and our attorney general will not prosecute medical support issues. I have been so busy paying for medical bills that I cannot afford an attorney to get him to pay his $$....so yeah, a lot of us are paying extras for our kids. 




**Just call me Stuart**

momof6nokc
by Gold Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 9:35 AM

And custodial mothers get away with a lot of shit that dads cannot. But what does that have to do with THIS situation?

Not a damn thing.

And you called me a fucking idiot???  LOL

Quoting Mocking.Jay:

Why would we pay MORE for daycare?? I think the point is to pay LESS.

And dads get away with a lot of shit that custodial mothers cannot. 

Quoting momof6nokc:

How often do you pay MORze than is required for, say, Daycare or an extra curricular? Daycare costs $100 per week----how often have you volunteered to pay $200 per week instead????




**Just call me Stuart**

Mocking.Jay
by Gold Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 9:57 AM
All I heard was Charlie Brown's teacher: wah wahhhhh wuhh wahh wuh wahhhh.

Quoting momof6nokc:

Name calling----the battle cry of those who realize they are losing an argument.  :o)

Again, for all of those who call BF names and disparage him for working on reducing his CS to the woman who clearly is a POS mother---why aren't YOU paying extra for your children's daycare provider or preschool?  After all, they are CARING for your child every day.  Shouldn't you WANT to pay the person who cares for your child more than just the bare minimum?????  WHY NOT? 

You all call this man names for not paying more than he should, yet admit you all don't pay more than you should for your child's goods and services.

It's not a difficult concept folks.  If dad is called names for not voluntarily paying extra to female who birthed his child, then why aren't moms called names for not paying extra to child care providers, doctors, nurses, etc?  Those folks are caring for your children as well. 

The double standards on CM make me laugh and laugh....

Quoting Mocking.Jay:

She's a fucking idiot.

Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting momof6nokc:

Still waiting for all the women bitching about the father fighting the CS amount to go ahead and tell ALLLLL the times they voluntarily paid extra for goods/services for their child.

I have a feeling I'm going to be waiting a very long time.

Such hypocrites.

You would not be waiting very long at all. Every custodial mom I know, myself included, pays for extras on a routine basis--clothes, school supplies, projects, band, trips, etc. The noncustodial dad has a set amount which only goes up if the amount is reviewed. The custodial parent has to pay every single time an item goes up in cost, a teacher requires something else for a project, the kid wants to join an activity, etc. Many of us are left with thousands of dollars in medical bills. I had to pay them in order for my sons to be treated, but dad has not paid although court ordered. He owes me over $6000 in his part or unreimbursed medical  bills. Drs and hospitals will not get involved in child support orders and our attorney general will not prosecute medical support issues. I have been so busy paying for medical bills that I cannot afford an attorney to get him to pay his $$....so yeah, a lot of us are paying extras for our kids. 



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
momof6nokc
by Gold Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 9:58 AM

That's OK honey. I know I used a lot of big words.  You need to go rest now.  :o)

LOL!

Quoting Mocking.Jay:

All I heard was Charlie Brown's teacher: wah wahhhhh wuhh wahh wuh wahhhh.

Quoting momof6nokc:

Name calling----the battle cry of those who realize they are losing an argument.  :o)

Again, for all of those who call BF names and disparage him for working on reducing his CS to the woman who clearly is a POS mother---why aren't YOU paying extra for your children's daycare provider or preschool?  After all, they are CARING for your child every day.  Shouldn't you WANT to pay the person who cares for your child more than just the bare minimum?????  WHY NOT? 

You all call this man names for not paying more than he should, yet admit you all don't pay more than you should for your child's goods and services.

It's not a difficult concept folks.  If dad is called names for not voluntarily paying extra to female who birthed his child, then why aren't moms called names for not paying extra to child care providers, doctors, nurses, etc?  Those folks are caring for your children as well. 

The double standards on CM make me laugh and laugh....

Quoting Mocking.Jay:

She's a fucking idiot.

Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting momof6nokc:

Still waiting for all the women bitching about the father fighting the CS amount to go ahead and tell ALLLLL the times they voluntarily paid extra for goods/services for their child.

I have a feeling I'm going to be waiting a very long time.

Such hypocrites.

You would not be waiting very long at all. Every custodial mom I know, myself included, pays for extras on a routine basis--clothes, school supplies, projects, band, trips, etc. The noncustodial dad has a set amount which only goes up if the amount is reviewed. The custodial parent has to pay every single time an item goes up in cost, a teacher requires something else for a project, the kid wants to join an activity, etc. Many of us are left with thousands of dollars in medical bills. I had to pay them in order for my sons to be treated, but dad has not paid although court ordered. He owes me over $6000 in his part or unreimbursed medical  bills. Drs and hospitals will not get involved in child support orders and our attorney general will not prosecute medical support issues. I have been so busy paying for medical bills that I cannot afford an attorney to get him to pay his $$....so yeah, a lot of us are paying extras for our kids. 





**Just call me Stuart**

Mocking.Jay
by Gold Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 2:43 PM
Well, you know what they say. Women who use big words have big mouths (for all the wrong reasons ;) )

Quoting momof6nokc:

That's OK honey. I know I used a lot of big words.  You need to go rest now.  :o)

LOL!

Quoting Mocking.Jay:

All I heard was Charlie Brown's teacher: wah wahhhhh wuhh wahh wuh wahhhh.



Quoting momof6nokc:

Name calling----the battle cry of those who realize they are losing an argument.  :o)

Again, for all of those who call BF names and disparage him for working on reducing his CS to the woman who clearly is a POS mother---why aren't YOU paying extra for your children's daycare provider or preschool?  After all, they are CARING for your child every day.  Shouldn't you WANT to pay the person who cares for your child more than just the bare minimum?????  WHY NOT? 

You all call this man names for not paying more than he should, yet admit you all don't pay more than you should for your child's goods and services.

It's not a difficult concept folks.  If dad is called names for not voluntarily paying extra to female who birthed his child, then why aren't moms called names for not paying extra to child care providers, doctors, nurses, etc?  Those folks are caring for your children as well. 

The double standards on CM make me laugh and laugh....

Quoting Mocking.Jay:

She's a fucking idiot.

Quoting Anonymous:




Quoting momof6nokc:

Still waiting for all the women bitching about the father fighting the CS amount to go ahead and tell ALLLLL the times they voluntarily paid extra for goods/services for their child.

I have a feeling I'm going to be waiting a very long time.

Such hypocrites.

You would not be waiting very long at all. Every custodial mom I know, myself included, pays for extras on a routine basis--clothes, school supplies, projects, band, trips, etc. The noncustodial dad has a set amount which only goes up if the amount is reviewed. The custodial parent has to pay every single time an item goes up in cost, a teacher requires something else for a project, the kid wants to join an activity, etc. Many of us are left with thousands of dollars in medical bills. I had to pay them in order for my sons to be treated, but dad has not paid although court ordered. He owes me over $6000 in his part or unreimbursed medical  bills. Drs and hospitals will not get involved in child support orders and our attorney general will not prosecute medical support issues. I have been so busy paying for medical bills that I cannot afford an attorney to get him to pay his $$....so yeah, a lot of us are paying extras for our kids. 




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