We have been together for 10 years, married for almost 8 and have 5 children together. A year ago, he found out he has a 12 (now 13) year old son. She wrote him a letter telling him about his son and in the letter, it clearly states that she didn't tell him when she got pregnant. She ended up moving with her family (they were both 18 at the time) out of state and found out she was pregnant and chose to not contact him.
It included her number so after we talked about it, we called her. He told her he would like to have a relationship with him. She said "oh no, that's not why I contacted you, I want my money, you have been a dead beat father for 12 years and I want what you owe, you can see him when you pay ever dime you owe". My brother is an attorney who specializes in family law. He said that because we can prove that DH had no knowledge of the child, he does not owe child support for the past. We also decided to fight paying current child support since, while this is my DH's bio child, he was robbed of the chance to be a father to him, he didn't get to know him as a baby (during the time most of the bonding takes place), he missed most of his growing up and has had no say in how he was raised.
We went to court last month and the judge ordered that DH get the whole summer every year and all of the breaks. He practically laughed at DH's ex when she said she wanted back child support since he was born after we showed him the letter and ordered DH to pay child support based on having 5 other children. Usually, they don't do that when the child the support is ordered for is the first child but since DH didn't know about him and therefore had no reason to have to plan to pay child support, the judge did it. Since the judge also ordered that DH's ex has to pay all transportation costs, the amount of CS will pretty much just cover that.
After talking to his son and understanding that his son does have a life and wants to spend time with his friends and family, DH said that his son could visit as long as he wants, which they agreed would be 2 weeks each summer and a week during spring break.
The sad thing is, I don't think she would have ever contacted him had she not found out that he has a good job and makes a nice income. I am glad that it all worked out in court for us but I do feel bad for my DH. At the same time, and I have a hard time admitting this, I am glad he didn't know. There is no way we would have had all 5 of our kids knowing he has another, especially if he would have been paying the full amount of CS.
He will be coming this spring break for about a week, that's in just a few months. I want to make him feel welcome but at the same time, I don't want my kids to feel unimportant. We have a 5 bedroom home (the twins share a room) but downstairs, we have a computer room that is closed in and it has a fold out couch in it, I was thinking about putting him in there, what do you think? Any other advice?