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DH and I have different opinions on this important topic.

Posted by Anonymous
  • 22 Replies

DH and I have started to think about what would happen to our kids if something happened to both he and I. We don't have any sort of will or anything yet, mostly because we are having a difference of opinion as to who should get the kids.

He wants his mom. While I like her, and think she's great, she's not who I want raising my children. DH was in daycare until he was too old to go, then he stayed home by himself. His mom was constantly working, she chose a career over parenting. His dad traveled and was gone for months at a time (his parents divorced when his younger sister graduated high school). She is a co-manager for Walmart, and works 60+ hours a week. I dont want that life for my children, seeing as how I've made sacrifices to be able to stay home and be with them, attend their school activities, and so on. Plus she has some values and parenting skills that I'm not fond of.

The girls have an honorary aunt in their life (i'm an only child, and I've been best friends with this girl since we were in our early teens). She's been their since the day they were born, and has been a better aunt to them than DH's sister. She loves them to death, and has told me she would take them in a heart beat if anything happened. She has been in a relationship with the same guy for seven years (she is 24 years old, DH and I are 26), and they are talking about getting married. I love him, as well, and so do the kids. I think she and her boyfriend would be a great choice for the kids, but DH doens't want it. He wants family to take the responsiblity, and his mom is the only person in either of our families that we'd be comfortable with, seeing as how I'm not close to my family, my parents are abusive, and his family is all drug addicts living across the country.

I just don't know what to do, and it makes me uneasy to  not have a plan, because anything could happen.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 7, 2013 at 1:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 1:49 PM
Hopefully you can both come to an agreement if something were to happen to you! Good luck!
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by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 7, 2013 at 1:50 PM
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I think something that should be considered is how old his parents are. Would they be able to keep up with children and what you want their life to be like.

Was he happy the way he was brought up? If not then consider someone else.

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 1:50 PM

just so you know.. even if you name her guardian in your will, blood relatives will usually fight and contest it and win, if they can prove that they are better fit parents.  and unless you state in your will with proof of why they would not make good gaurdians, i would keep them with family.  IDK how close you are with your best friend, unless your MIL beats your kids, or beat DH or is amn unfit parent, i would always stick to family first.

by Ashley on Jan. 7, 2013 at 1:53 PM
Ex-h and I both agree that the best person to take our dd is my BFF, her honorary aunt. Thankfully he and I agree on most things when it comes to parenting our dd.
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by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 7, 2013 at 1:54 PM

While I agree that family is usually better, in this case you claim the rest of DH's family is all drug addicts.  So what happens when DH's mom dies or is so old by the time you guys die that she can't care for your kids?  Seems to me that in this case the friend is the better option.

by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 7, 2013 at 1:59 PM

 The chances of you both dying before they are school age is beyond unlikely and If there school age then I say his mom, keep them with family. Express to your MIL how important it is that your friend remain a big part and influence in their life.  I think them being with Grandma is the better choice. For one, statiscally the chances of them being abused are much higher living with your friend and her boyfriend. I'm not implying they themselves would be the abusers, but it's overall more likely....especially if they ever break up or divorce and she becomes a single mom/gets a new boyfriend etc.

Look up the abuse statistics for children living with various people, Dr. Phil discusses them a lot (they may be on his site). Your husband may not be saying it, but I guarantee those things are crossing through his mind when he thinks of letting friends raise them over his own mother. 

by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 7, 2013 at 1:59 PM
Your kids would be raising themselves until she dies and they go to foster care. i think its clear.
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 2:09 PM
I see nothing wrong with a grandmother that works hard and it seems her son turned out okay since you married him.
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by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 7, 2013 at 2:09 PM

Personally, there's no way in hell I'd ever consider leaving my kids to an unmarried, childless, 24 year old and her boyfriend...

by Silver Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 2:12 PM
I have started thinking this same thing. Haven't talked to my husband yet. Have you talked to your husband about will his mom be able to keep up with the children? That would be my one thing.
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