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Stepfather responsibility

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 41 Replies
Would you marry a man who doesn't want any financial responsibility to a child you have from a previous relationship? He doesn't want to accept any parental responsibility. He doesn't want to babysit or anything. I've heard from a few friends that its normal for him not to want to have any responsibility a towards a child that is not biologically his. Therefore my wanting to be a SAHM is not a possibility since i will have to work to provide for my child. Do your children's step fathers act this way? Do they provide for their step kids? Are they basically a 3rd parent? Or do they have no responsibility to the child?



This was discussed and he was ok with it until we moved in together a few months ago. We have been together for 3 years and the child is 6yrs old.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 7, 2013 at 4:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
indymom72
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 4:23 PM
3 moms liked this

My husband is stepfather to my 12 year old daughter, we have been together since she was 3.  I am a SAHM and she calls him dad, she has since she was 7.  He paid for her braces when her bio father wouldn't.  I think your boyfriends attitude is a huge red flag and I wouldn't live with someone like that. 

kitchen.ninja
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 4:24 PM
I would not and did not marry a man that felt that way. My ex and dh both financially provide for ds.

ETA: I do feel a man has a right to refuse to financially provide for a step child. These things should be discussed when a relationship gets serious. That way one can decide to stay or nice on and find a partner suitable to all their needs.
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anotherhalf
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 4:24 PM

No way.  I wouldn't even live with him.  My child would feel the disconnect and I wouldn't want any more stress or negativity in my child's home.


Just to let you know how other men are:  My stepdad married my mom when I was in my late 20s.  They didn't start dating until my mid 20s.  He treats me and my sister like his daughters in every way - I love that man!  Your child deserves nothing less.

peanutsmommy1
by Ruby Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 4:24 PM
Nope
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kidlover2
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 4:25 PM
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My SO provides 1000x more for my girls than their dad ever does.
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fallenstars
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 4:26 PM
Dh is dds step dad. He took her on in every way shape and form. There was never any questions about it and yes she sees her sperm donor now. Shell be 5 in Feb. We got together when she was 10 months old
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CABZS
by Sapphire Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 4:26 PM
No.

I always said I wouldn't marry unless the guy would love and treat my son like his biokids and I didn't settle.

My DH is a great father to our (my son).
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 7, 2013 at 4:27 PM
See I thought the same thing(red flag) but I've heard from 2 close friends that its just the way stepfathers are. I've never had a stepfather so I don't have any experience there. But I know my brother took his new wife's 3 kids and they call him dad and he is a second dad to them.

Quoting indymom72:

My husband is stepfather to my 12 year old daughter, we have been together since she was 3.  I am a SAHM and she calls him dad, she has since she was 7.  He paid for her braces when her bio father wouldn't.  I think your boyfriends attitude is a huge red flag and I wouldn't live with someone like that. 

KME3
by Platinum Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 4:28 PM
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I would never marry a man like that. My bf, of 6 years, will actually get offended if I had someone else care for my child when i'm at work. From day 1 he has treated my child as his own, even when we had our child together.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 7, 2013 at 4:29 PM

i personally wouldn't. But my SD's bm actually did marry a man like that. He paid all the bills at the house because it was HIS house.. he had a 3 bdrm, but would only let the two girls (BM's dds, the only two kids in the house) share a room... they weren't allowed to have toys out of their room, and BM had to buy the groceries and take care of the kids (her only financial responsibility), and the food she bought had to be organic. He would only allow the girls to take 7 min showers... he would turn the water off after 7 mins... and when they were finished with a dish, they had to rinse it and put it in the sink, it wasn't allowed to sit on the counter or he'd throw a fit.

He wanted no part in helping with the girls, he didn't even buy them presents for christmas/birthdays. BM wasn't even allowed to park in the driveway, she had to park along the street. And she wasn't allowed to drive his vehicles (he got a new car once a year). 

They were together for 6 or 7 years and married for only a year... then he divorced her and convinced her to sign the papers stating she didn't want any of his assets. He was a real jerk... grew up the only child in a rich home and never had kids of his own. I have no idea why she stayed with him as long as she did. She is known to go through men real fast. Hell, he was her 3rd marriage and 8 or 9th engagement!

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