But tonight the stress, the anger, the hurtâŚ itâs all there and I am not dealing with it well. I just want to go hide in a corner and cry and then pass out. But, seen as how I am at work, thatâs not a good option.
Whatâs stressing me out?
1)I have a GREAT marriage, to a great guy. He is no way shape or form is perfect (and neither am I). He has his issues, as do I. One of them is his procrastination. I have been asking for a week now, for him to take the trash can out to the dumpster. He asked me this AM to remind him tonight and he would do it. Well, I forgot to remind him (even though I have asked him EVERY DAMN DAY FOR A WEEK) and when I went to put trash in the trash can and realized it was full, I took the trash can and put in in the front so he couldnât forget to take it out.
2) My DH has been asking me to help with his weight loss and money spending by making him a good breakfast and lunch (not sure why he canât do it, he just asks me to). Well, for the last 2 weeks I have been trying to keep up with this. And either he forgets his lunch, or he doesnât eat the breakfast I make and just put it in the fridge where, uncovered, it goes bad. L
3) My DS is in Kindergarten and I should have realized today would be HELL becuz he is back on âschoolâ schedule and not âfunâ schedule. He was mouthy, through a temper tantrum when I said no or not now, or whatever he DIDNâT want to hear. He refused to eat what I made for dinner; he was just a super hand full.
4) I have also been making sure to make healthier dinners. DH has Gout, so he canât eat very many foods (he has gout, wants to eat right, but hasnât been taking his pills? Explain this!). So, I have made great dinners the last 7 days. Good, wholesome, dinners. This takes time. Took me an hour tonight. Add on the 5 year old BRAT my son turned into today, and my 4 month old DD who wanted to be held or fed, or played with and it wasnât the funnest part of my night. Well, then while attempting to eat my dinner (after making DS a corndog so he would eat SOMETHING before bed), my DD goes into an all-out hissy cuz sheâs hungry. So, Â˝ through dinner, I get to stop eating and nurse her.
5) I have been trying to keep the house clean and laundry in order. So, every night after dinner, I wash the dishes, I clean the counters, I sweep the floor, I pick up the living room, (all while trying to get DS in the shower before bed), then I pick up his mess cuz itâll be there for 3 days if I donât . I threw in a few loads of laundry (which take 90 minutes to dry becuz our complex maintenance hasnât fixed the drier yet, or they said they did but it still isnât working right).
6) I got 5 hours of sleep today becuz when I get off work at 7:30 am, drive the 30 minutes home and then have to take DS to school at 8:20, get home, eat something (becuz if I donât I wonât eat until 6pm!), make DHâs lunch and breakfast and feed DD. Getting me in bed at 9:30ish (if not later) and then up at 3-3:30pm.
THOSE are just my stressors from TODAY alone!!
Now, lets add on everything else:
1) Weâre filing bankruptcy this week (dhâs checks are getting garnished from a shitty thing we did 3 years ago), so we have to do it NOW!
2) I am attempting to quit smoking AGAIN! I started back up a few weeks ago when my little brother visited from CO, becuz I am SUPER stressed and needed it. I had 1 cigarette today, 1 yesterday, and 0 the day before, so I am no chain smoker but still that leads into issue 3âŚ
3) My milk supply seems to be getting lower. L I work full time 11p-7:30 am 4 days a week. I used to be able to pump 9 oz a shift which was PERFECT! I am now only pumping 4-5 and have pretty much used up my supply I had in the freezer. So, I am trying Fenugreek, Motherâs Milk and Oatmeal. So far (after 3 days) I have seen a .5 increase in my first pumping session. I just want to CRY!
4) I am filing sexual molestation charges against my step father from 18 years ago!! This is obviously a big one. I am stressed becuz I have to give testimony in my motherâs divorce case (in front of EVERYONE) about what he did to me. So, Iâm a little stressed over that.
5) OhâŚ thereâs more. But Iâll save you the pain of reading it!
And to put a cherry on the FUCKING GOD DAMN FUCKED UP BITCH OF A SUNDAYâŚ. I went and âventedâ on FB today. I didnât say anything horrible. I barely said anything at all to be honest. But whatever it said DH didnât like and decided to cuss me out VIA text while I was at work over it. (It said: I love being a wife, I love my husband with all my heart but I DO NOT LOVE when the trash hasnât been taken out, when I make breakfast and it isnât eaten, and that I barely see him becuz of his work hours).
So now I am sitting at work, crying becuz I am hurt and stressed and there isnât much I can do. *sigh( If you made it through that book of a post, thanks for reading. J