But tonight the stress, the anger, the hurtâ€¦ itâ€™s all there and I am not dealing with it well. I just want to go hide in a corner and cry and then pass out. But, seen as how I am at work, thatâ€™s not a good option.
Whatâ€™s stressing me out?
1)I have a GREAT marriage, to a great guy. He is no way shape or form is perfect (and neither am I). He has his issues, as do I. One of them is his procrastination. I have been asking for a week now, for him to take the trash can out to the dumpster. He asked me this AM to remind him tonight and he would do it. Well, I forgot to remind him (even though I have asked him EVERY DAMN DAY FOR A WEEK) and when I went to put trash in the trash can and realized it was full, I took the trash can and put in in the front so he couldnâ€™t forget to take it out.
2) My DH has been asking me to help with his weight loss and money spending by making him a good breakfast and lunch (not sure why he canâ€™t do it, he just asks me to). Well, for the last 2 weeks I have been trying to keep up with this. And either he forgets his lunch, or he doesnâ€™t eat the breakfast I make and just put it in the fridge where, uncovered, it goes bad. L
3) My DS is in Kindergarten and I should have realized today would be HELL becuz he is back on â€śschoolâ€ť schedule and not â€śfunâ€ť schedule. He was mouthy, through a temper tantrum when I said no or not now, or whatever he DIDNâ€™T want to hear. He refused to eat what I made for dinner; he was just a super hand full.
4) I have also been making sure to make healthier dinners. DH has Gout, so he canâ€™t eat very many foods (he has gout, wants to eat right, but hasnâ€™t been taking his pills? Explain this!). So, I have made great dinners the last 7 days. Good, wholesome, dinners. This takes time. Took me an hour tonight. Add on the 5 year old BRAT my son turned into today, and my 4 month old DD who wanted to be held or fed, or played with and it wasnâ€™t the funnest part of my night. Well, then while attempting to eat my dinner (after making DS a corndog so he would eat SOMETHING before bed), my DD goes into an all-out hissy cuz sheâ€™s hungry. So, Â˝ through dinner, I get to stop eating and nurse her.
5) I have been trying to keep the house clean and laundry in order. So, every night after dinner, I wash the dishes, I clean the counters, I sweep the floor, I pick up the living room, (all while trying to get DS in the shower before bed), then I pick up his mess cuz itâ€™ll be there for 3 days if I donâ€™t . I threw in a few loads of laundry (which take 90 minutes to dry becuz our complex maintenance hasnâ€™t fixed the drier yet, or they said they did but it still isnâ€™t working right).
6) I got 5 hours of sleep today becuz when I get off work at 7:30 am, drive the 30 minutes home and then have to take DS to school at 8:20, get home, eat something (becuz if I donâ€™t I wonâ€™t eat until 6pm!), make DHâ€™s lunch and breakfast and feed DD. Getting me in bed at 9:30ish (if not later) and then up at 3-3:30pm.
THOSE are just my stressors from TODAY alone!!
Now, lets add on everything else:
1) Weâ€™re filing bankruptcy this week (dhâ€™s checks are getting garnished from a shitty thing we did 3 years ago), so we have to do it NOW!
2) I am attempting to quit smoking AGAIN! I started back up a few weeks ago when my little brother visited from CO, becuz I am SUPER stressed and needed it. I had 1 cigarette today, 1 yesterday, and 0 the day before, so I am no chain smoker but still that leads into issue 3â€¦
3) My milk supply seems to be getting lower. L I work full time 11p-7:30 am 4 days a week. I used to be able to pump 9 oz a shift which was PERFECT! I am now only pumping 4-5 and have pretty much used up my supply I had in the freezer. So, I am trying Fenugreek, Motherâ€™s Milk and Oatmeal. So far (after 3 days) I have seen a .5 increase in my first pumping session. I just want to CRY!
4) I am filing sexual molestation charges against my step father from 18 years ago!! This is obviously a big one. I am stressed becuz I have to give testimony in my motherâ€™s divorce case (in front of EVERYONE) about what he did to me. So, Iâ€™m a little stressed over that.
5) Ohâ€¦ thereâ€™s more. But Iâ€™ll save you the pain of reading it!
And to put a cherry on the FUCKING GOD DAMN FUCKED UP BITCH OF A SUNDAYâ€¦. I went and â€śventedâ€ť on FB today. I didnâ€™t say anything horrible. I barely said anything at all to be honest. But whatever it said DH didnâ€™t like and decided to cuss me out VIA text while I was at work over it. (It said: I love being a wife, I love my husband with all my heart but I DO NOT LOVE when the trash hasnâ€™t been taken out, when I make breakfast and it isnâ€™t eaten, and that I barely see him becuz of his work hours).
So now I am sitting at work, crying becuz I am hurt and stressed and there isnâ€™t much I can do. *sigh( If you made it through that book of a post, thanks for reading. J