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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My 2 y/o is breaking my heart. HELP

A little background...

A little while back I finally had the courage to leave my abusive boyfriend and the father of my only son. They were close, his dad played with him a lot and spoiled him, but as far as actual responsibility he never helped.

Since the split my son has visited his father twice, as his father lives 250miles away and isn't the most stable person. He hasn't bought anything for him or even paid me back the money I loaned him.

So obviously there is a lot of anger/resentment between the two of us.

I recently started dating someone who is kind, amazing, and great with my son. Lately my son starts crying for his daddy anytime he gets angry or over-tired. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but it kills a little bit of me everytime. My boyfriend is also slightly upset bc he has been there for my son while his dad has done nothing for him.

How do i explain in a way an almost 3 y/o can understand, that his dad is choosing no longer to be a part of his life? That it's just him and mommy now?

** Just for the record I didn't move, his dad did. His dad chooses not to call despite my begging him to. Also, I never bad mouth his dad in front of him. I just can't find the right words to make the transition smoother.

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:46 PM
Replies (21-30):
LandonsMom63009
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:07 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

If you recently started dating someone how can that person even be the least bit upset that your son prefers his dad??
Who care how nice he is, he hasn't had the bonding time it takes to have a solid relationship with the child, and he shouldn't unless you guys are serious otherwise when this guy doesn't work out (if he doesn't) your son will lose another father figure.

I understand that, and my boyfriend being upset is the least of my worries. And yes it's recent but it is moving towards serious, and I'm protecting my child, and I worry about my choices affecting him every second of everyday.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:07 PM
Think about how much you hurt him. Selfish.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:08 PM


Quoting LandonsMom63009:

 

Quoting Anonymous:

We moved out of town so we could explain the lack of interest in terms of distance. Telling your son anything more will just hurt him. As DS gets older, we explain that his mother loves him very much but she has some problems, and those problems made her choose to have him live somewhere he would be safe all the time. In the meantime, does your ex have a phone? Could you set up skype or a phone call once a week? I get that he was abusive, but it doesn't seem to have been toward your son. Even though DS doesn't see his mother often, we do set up skype and phone calls frequently because anything else will just hurt him more.


I try to get my ex to call and be more active, but he only calls late at night when my son is asleep and then he gets mad that I won't wake him up. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

Could you maybe schedule something in advance. Landon would like to talk with you. Can I have him call you at X time? It sucks when a parent doesn't want to be involved because it isn't long before a child starts to personalize the noninvolvement and feel it is because of them or start to lash out against the people who are the constants in their life because they feel those people are somehow to blame for the situation.

MommaTasha1003
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:09 PM

You dont.. You dont ever talk negatively about another parent in front of a child.. Let THEM learn through life experience & when they are older they will know THEY came to this conclusion on their own & that it wasnt put into their head their parent was bad!

Just comfort him. Say what he says to you back to him, so he knows you understand.. "I know you miss your daddy. I know it must be hard to understand why daddy is not here & you cant see. I love you. I am here for you. Daddy loves you but he cant be here right now.."


LandonsMom63009
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:09 PM


Quoting danie24:

 I find it sad that (although he may not have been responsible) he was an involved father and spent lots of time with his son.. and you took him 250 miles away.

 You are 50% to blame for breaking up the family. So please don't tell your son his Dad doesn't want to be in his life when he would be had you not taken him away.

If it was your ex who moved away, that's different. But I still wouldn't tell a 3 year old his Dad isn't going to be around anymore. That's just cruel.

I guess I shouldve clearified that his dad moved away. I've tried to keep his dad more involved and he chooses no to be. I would never straight out tell my son his dad chooses not to be around I just want to help him understand the transition.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:10 PM
Ummm it sounds like YOU chose for his father to no longer be a part of his life. Don't put this solely on him.

I would never have my child suffer for my own inability to make my relationship work. And I certainly wouldn't move a 4 hour drive away from his father if their relationship was that close. I'm honestly surprised it was legal for you to do that. I would be fighting you for custody if I were him.

Your son will figure stuff out and resent you later. It seems you've found a new boyfriend pretty quickly. Newsflash: he cannot replace your son's father. Kids are not that stupid and gullible. I am not surprised by your son's behavior at all. He wants his father. His father that he knows loves him. He doesn't want some random guy trying to replace that bond. It won't work. Your boyfriends emotions on this do not matter in the slightest.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:12 PM
When he is crying for his daddy you hug him close and tell him"I know baby. I'm sorry, but daddy can't come here right now. Do you want (BF) to give you some hugs right now?"
MrsRinehart2010
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:13 PM

 let him be, kid do go threw that wether thier parents are around full time or not. My youngest crys any thing my husband leaves the house now lol.

I would just ask him if he wants to call daddy or distract him some how. In my experience all kids go threw this regardless of your situation... as for your bf he will not ever under stand completly till he has his own kids.. but i would just tell him to try to be understanding.

scarletmeshell
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:13 PM
2 moms liked this

Why is a man you recently started dating involved with your child?

Quoting LandonsMom63009:

 

Quoting Anonymous:

If you recently started dating someone how can that person even be the least bit upset that your son prefers his dad??
Who care how nice he is, he hasn't had the bonding time it takes to have a solid relationship with the child, and he shouldn't unless you guys are serious otherwise when this guy doesn't work out (if he doesn't) your son will lose another father figure.

I understand that, and my boyfriend being upset is the least of my worries. And yes it's recent but it is moving towards serious, and I'm protecting my child, and I worry about my choices affecting him every second of everyday.


LandonsMom63009
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:14 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

Ummm it sounds like YOU chose for his father to no longer be a part of his life. Don't put this solely on him.

I would never have my child suffer for my own inability to make my relationship work. And I certainly wouldn't move a 4 hour drive away from his father if their relationship was that close. I'm honestly surprised it was legal for you to do that. I would be fighting you for custody if I were him.

Your son will figure stuff out and resent you later. It seems you've found a new boyfriend pretty quickly. Newsflash: he cannot replace your son's father. Kids are not that stupid and gullible. I am not surprised by your son's behavior at all. He wants his father. His father that he knows loves him. He doesn't want some random guy trying to replace that bond. It won't work. Your boyfriends emotions on this do not matter in the slightest.


I didn't move away, his dad did. He hasn't tried to fight for any custody, and can't even pick up the phone to call him or call me back. And my boyfriends feelings are the least of my worries, i just threw that in there.

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