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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My 2 y/o is breaking my heart. HELP

A little background...

A little while back I finally had the courage to leave my abusive boyfriend and the father of my only son. They were close, his dad played with him a lot and spoiled him, but as far as actual responsibility he never helped.

Since the split my son has visited his father twice, as his father lives 250miles away and isn't the most stable person. He hasn't bought anything for him or even paid me back the money I loaned him.

So obviously there is a lot of anger/resentment between the two of us.

I recently started dating someone who is kind, amazing, and great with my son. Lately my son starts crying for his daddy anytime he gets angry or over-tired. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but it kills a little bit of me everytime. My boyfriend is also slightly upset bc he has been there for my son while his dad has done nothing for him.

How do i explain in a way an almost 3 y/o can understand, that his dad is choosing no longer to be a part of his life? That it's just him and mommy now?

** Just for the record I didn't move, his dad did. His dad chooses not to call despite my begging him to. Also, I never bad mouth his dad in front of him. I just can't find the right words to make the transition smoother.

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:46 PM
Replies (31-40):
cmaywill109
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:14 PM

I would say something like I know you miss your daddy and daddy misses you a whole lot too but you just can't see him right now. But as soon as it's okay then you can go see him.

Something like that? Also, as he grows up I still wouldn't bash him in front of your ds. My dad was out of the picture by the time I was 1 year and I have probably seen him five times growing up. He would call and promise he would come and spend time with me and then not show. He never paid child support or helped my mom in any way. And yet, my mother still never said a bad thing about him. Then two years ago he calls me and says he wants to see me for Christmas. I go over and he starts bashing my mother. It didn't end well. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:14 PM
4 moms liked this
He's probably feeling like his dad has been replaced by a stranger. Why would you introduce him to someone new if it's a new relationship?
Bells2000
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:15 PM
2 moms liked this
sorry, im not saying you should stick it'out in a bad relationship... and it doesnt matter why the relationship ended.. but just because you can move on to a new sex partner, doesnt mean your kid was ready to accept your new love interest.

how/ why does it matter what your boyfriend feels? is he more important than your son?

stop having a *boyfriend* try and play *daddy*.

you are probably confusing the hell out of your boy trying that.

id see if he can call/talk to the child, etc. and you should keep your child out of adult matters.
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LandonsMom63009
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:16 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

When he is crying for his daddy you hug him close and tell him"I know baby. I'm sorry, but daddy can't come here right now. Do you want (BF) to give you some hugs right now?"


I just hug him and/ or try to distract him. I try not to get (BF) too involved right yet because I don't want to confuse my son too much. He just knows him as mommy's friend.

paknari
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:16 PM
I don't know if an almost 3 year old will get anything you say. He just needs time. It's hard to not take it personally but just remember its not you. He just doesn't understand where his daddy is. He needs to be able to grieve that.
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mrssummerlin
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:17 PM
I don't really think there is anything you can say to him.

You and your BF need to try and be understanding of him. He's 3 and he loves his dad and misses him. All you need to be doing is comforting him and explaining that YOU are there for him.
NOT that his father doesn't want him.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:18 PM

No idea sorry my ex left when my son was a year and even before that he barly saw him. Then a few monts later I met my wonderful fiancé (I have been broken up with my ex for 2 years now and have only been with my df for 9 months) my df has been there or my son more Han his dad ever was and he is the only daddy my on knows. H is so excited he never he sees my df and will run screaming daddy and give him a big hug

lilbit53009
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:19 PM
2 moms liked this

just console him and let him know his dad still loves him but had to move away for a little while and then try to distract him.

i think you made a huge mistake by introducing your son to your new BF though. you should have waited alot longer especially since the child is still mourning the loss of his father.

LandonsMom63009
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:21 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting mrssummerlin:

I don't really think there is anything you can say to him.

You and your BF need to try and be understanding of him. He's 3 and he loves his dad and misses him. All you need to be doing is comforting him and explaining that YOU are there for him.
NOT that his father doesn't want him.

I don't tell him his dad doesn't want him. I just don't want him to get his hopes up for a dad that may never choose to be a part of his life.
As for right now I just tell him Daddy is at Grammys and will see him when he can

teaspring
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:21 PM

Kid gloves situation... My children's father disappeared for 14 months of their lives, missed both of them coming out of diapers and potty training (they're 18 months apart).  What I did, and what seemed to work for me, was to always remind them that daddy loved them and would call them as soon as he was where he could.  I would also call their grandmother (their dad's mom) and have her talk to them on the phone and also have them go to visit her often.  They transitioned well... and when their dad did come back around they didn't hold a grudge and their dad was able to step right back in to their lives. 

Of course I was annoyed at it, and sometimes I felt resentmet toward their dad... that's a normal human response... but it didn't benefit them to tell them anything negative or frightening, and thankfully it's all worked out.  The kids are 8-1/2 and 10 now and their dad's done a much better job of being there for us in the last several or so years .

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