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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My 2 y/o is breaking my heart. HELP

A little background...

A little while back I finally had the courage to leave my abusive boyfriend and the father of my only son. They were close, his dad played with him a lot and spoiled him, but as far as actual responsibility he never helped.

Since the split my son has visited his father twice, as his father lives 250miles away and isn't the most stable person. He hasn't bought anything for him or even paid me back the money I loaned him.

So obviously there is a lot of anger/resentment between the two of us.

I recently started dating someone who is kind, amazing, and great with my son. Lately my son starts crying for his daddy anytime he gets angry or over-tired. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but it kills a little bit of me everytime. My boyfriend is also slightly upset bc he has been there for my son while his dad has done nothing for him.

How do i explain in a way an almost 3 y/o can understand, that his dad is choosing no longer to be a part of his life? That it's just him and mommy now?

** Just for the record I didn't move, his dad did. His dad chooses not to call despite my begging him to. Also, I never bad mouth his dad in front of him. I just can't find the right words to make the transition smoother.

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:46 PM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:22 PM
I see. If you aren't trying to foster a father/son relationship with them, then just skip that part. Just tell him you understand and you love him.

I'm sorry mama, I have an almost 3 year old and that would break my heart also.


Quoting LandonsMom63009:



Quoting Anonymous:

When he is crying for his daddy you hug him close and tell him"I know baby. I'm sorry, but daddy can't come here right now. Do you want (BF) to give you some hugs right now?"


I just hug him and/ or try to distract him. I try not to get (BF) too involved right yet because I don't want to confuse my son too much. He just knows him as mommy's friend.


LandonsMom63009
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:23 PM


Quoting lilbit53009:

just console him and let him know his dad still loves him but had to move away for a little while and then try to distract him.

i think you made a huge mistake by introducing your son to your new BF though. you should have waited alot longer especially since the child is still mourning the loss of his father.


I struggled with when I should introduce them, and after three months of dating I felt comfortable. At that time he wasn't showing any signs of missing his dad, but then over xmas break his dad finally called and asked to see him, and I let him. This is when the behaivors started

mrssummerlin
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:23 PM
I wasn't saying you were. I was just saying that at 3 there is nothing to explain to him, you simply comfort him and let him know you are there.

Quoting LandonsMom63009:



Quoting mrssummerlin:

I don't really think there is anything you can say to him.

You and your BF need to try and be understanding of him. He's 3 and he loves his dad and misses him. All you need to be doing is comforting him and explaining that YOU are there for him.
NOT that his father doesn't want him.

I don't tell him his dad doesn't want him. I just don't want him to get his hopes up for a dad that may never choose to be a part of his life.
As for right now I just tell him Daddy is at Grammys and will see him when he can

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:24 PM
1 mom liked this
Go PMS somewhere else. She doesn't need your crap right now.


Quoting Bells2000:

sorry, im not saying you should stick it'out in a bad relationship... and it doesnt matter why the relationship ended.. but just because you can move on to a new sex partner, doesnt mean your kid was ready to accept your new love interest.



how/ why does it matter what your boyfriend feels? is he more important than your son?



stop having a *boyfriend* try and play *daddy*.



you are probably confusing the hell out of your boy trying that.



id see if he can call/talk to the child, etc. and you should keep your child out of adult matters.

LandonsMom63009
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:25 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

I see. If you aren't trying to foster a father/son relationship with them, then just skip that part. Just tell him you understand and you love him.

I'm sorry mama, I have an almost 3 year old and that would break my heart also.


Quoting LandonsMom63009:

 


Quoting Anonymous:

When he is crying for his daddy you hug him close and tell him"I know baby. I'm sorry, but daddy can't come here right now. Do you want (BF) to give you some hugs right now?"


I just hug him and/ or try to distract him. I try not to get (BF) too involved right yet because I don't want to confuse my son too much. He just knows him as mommy's friend.


Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:29 PM
Np ; )



Us anons can't all be bitches. Some of us can tell when a mama is just trying to do her best.



Quoting LandonsMom63009:




Quoting Anonymous:

I see. If you aren't trying to foster a father/son relationship with them, then just skip that part. Just tell him you understand and you love him.

I'm sorry mama, I have an almost 3 year old and that would break my heart also.




Quoting LandonsMom63009:



 




Quoting Anonymous:

When he is crying for his daddy you hug him close and tell him"I know baby. I'm sorry, but daddy can't come here right now. Do you want (BF) to give you some hugs right now?"




I just hug him and/ or try to distract him. I try not to get (BF) too involved right yet because I don't want to confuse my son too much. He just knows him as mommy's friend.




Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding.



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Bells2000
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:37 PM
lol.

sorry, domt have a period thanks to breastfeeding.

so what, hiding miss anon, did you do something similar? and what, a month or so from now, will you and op be posting "help.. my 3 yo is crying for my ex-bf who no longer is in our lives..what do i tell him? he was like a daddy to him!"

sorry, i feel bad for the kid.. but the op shouldnt be tossing random people in her kids life as a parental figure


Quoting Anonymous:

Go PMS somewhere else. She doesn't need your crap right now.




Quoting Bells2000:

sorry, im not saying you should stick it'out in a bad relationship... and it doesnt matter why the relationship ended.. but just because you can move on to a new sex partner, doesnt mean your kid was ready to accept your new love interest.





how/ why does it matter what your boyfriend feels? is he more important than your son?





stop having a *boyfriend* try and play *daddy*.





you are probably confusing the hell out of your boy trying that.





id see if he can call/talk to the child, etc. and you should keep your child out of adult matters.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
kate80
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:43 PM
Just tell him daddy lives to far to visit often. It will solve itself in time. Patience from you and your bf will ease the pain he has. Just try to be understanding of his feelings and be there for him. It is all you can do.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
supercarp
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:48 PM

You can't explain it to a 3 yr old. You need to be adult and don't let a child hurt you. You can't afford to be that thin skinned. Children hurt others: it's what they do best. Don't tell him his daddy won't be part of his life or he will blame you. You both may need some counseling.

lancet98
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:51 PM

Kids have habits, and little kids adjust very, very slowly to change.   It's not really personal and is nothing against either of you.   Kids have a hard time changing, even if 'changing' means leaving an abusive situation.  

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