I spent six years in the military. When I met DH three years ago, I told him I wanted to re-enlist before I turned 30, and he said we would talk about it. I got out because my exDH and I were dual military and there was an incredibly messy divorce. It was a family hardship (we had a child together) and I was discharged honorably. My RE code says I can re-enlist and I've already talked to a recruiter. Now, I've told DH I'm ready to go back in. He is prior military also, and says no way. He didn't think I was that serious about it. I'm incredibly upset. He knew it was my dream to be a lifer and retire. I'm just heartbroken. If I join, I lose him. If I stay here, I'll be unhappy and lose my dream. We have my 4 year old from my first marriage and a 5 month old baby, and I want to do this for our family.
He doesn't want to be a military husband and "wait" for me. He doesn't want to take care of the kids all day, or have to arrange daycare if I get deployed. I'm so upset.
What would you do?
Just to clear this up--he knew I intended to reenlist when we met. He said we would talk about it. Now that we're married, he says if I join, he will leave me. I feel like he's being incredibly selfish, because he knew this was my dream and what I wanted for my family, for my daughter and I long before him. He thinks I'm selfish because he doesn't think he wants the military lifestyle.
ETA2-I would be going reserves, NOT active duty. Currently, I work a job where I'm gone for 12-14 hour shifts 6 days a week. I'm out of the house by 8am, so DH takes DD to school and picks her up from daycare. By the time I get home, she's usually heading to bed or already in bed. On the weekends, I don't even see her because I usually work 8am-11pm. I am salary, and I have 8 stores I manage, so I'm also on call 24/7. I don't get to do playdates, or birthdays. I hardly ever see her. I'm in the restaurant business. If I went into the reserves, it could be supplemental income so I could get a better job with better hours, where I would see my kids. I honestly don't see how the reserves is not a win/win situation.