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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I want to re-enlist but DH won't let me

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 171 Replies

I spent six years in the military. When I met DH three years ago, I told him I wanted to re-enlist before I turned 30, and he said we would talk about it. I got out because my exDH and I were dual military and there was an incredibly messy divorce. It was a family hardship (we had a child together) and I was discharged honorably. My RE code says I can re-enlist and I've already talked to a recruiter. Now, I've told DH I'm ready to go back in. He is prior military also, and says no way. He didn't think I was that serious about it. I'm incredibly upset. He knew it was my dream to be a lifer and retire. I'm just heartbroken. If I join, I lose him. If I stay here, I'll be unhappy and lose my dream. We have my 4 year old from my first marriage and a 5 month old baby, and I want to do this for our family.

He doesn't want to be a military husband and "wait" for me. He doesn't want to take care of the kids all day, or have to arrange daycare if I get deployed. I'm so upset. 

What would you do?

Just to clear this up--he knew I intended to reenlist when we met. He said we would talk about it. Now that we're married, he says if I join, he will leave me. I feel like he's being incredibly selfish, because he knew this was my dream and what I wanted for my family, for my daughter and I long before him. He thinks I'm selfish because he doesn't think he wants the military lifestyle. 

ETA2-I would be going reserves, NOT active duty. Currently, I work a job where I'm gone for 12-14 hour shifts 6 days a week. I'm out of the house by 8am, so DH takes DD to school and picks her up from daycare. By the time I get home, she's usually heading to bed or already in bed. On the weekends, I don't even see her because I usually work 8am-11pm. I am salary, and I have 8 stores I manage, so I'm also on call 24/7. I don't get to do playdates, or birthdays. I hardly ever see her. I'm in the restaurant business. If I went into the reserves, it could be supplemental income so I could get a better job with better hours, where I would see my kids. I honestly don't see how the reserves is not a win/win situation

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Diamepphyre
by Ruby Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:42 PM
1 mom liked this

 Hard choice to make.  Good luck.

clippingmom
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:44 PM

My dd is in the airforce. she is passed her 6 year enlistment. she says she IS NOT going to re-enlist but well see she already extended a year.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:50 PM

Thank you.

Quoting Diamepphyre:

 Hard choice to make.  Good luck.


usmcwifenewmom
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:55 PM
my dh would love that arrangement (except the deployments) I wish my dh would re-enlist next year but he doesnt want to some im supporting his decision bc I want him to be happy, your dh should support you, being former military he should know how much you need support with your job, hope it works out!
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:02 PM
My husband was in the US.Army.I married him knowing I was getting married to a soldier.I will support him.If he could get back in
I know he would in.a heart beat.I will always support him.Like I said before I married a soldier and I knew what I.was getting into.The millitary no matter what branch is who you are.You are a soldier.He knew that when he married you.He should support you.
krissy920
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:04 PM
Quoting Anonymous:

My husband was in the US.Army.I married him knowing I was getting married to a soldier.I will support him.If he could get back in
I know he would in.a heart beat.I will always support him.Like I said before I married a soldier and I knew what I.was getting into.The millitary no matter what branch is who you are.You are a soldier.He knew that when he married you.He should support you.



I agree with this. He knew what you wanted when yall got married this should not be a surprise. Id have a talk about him supporting you so you can re up.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2013 at 10:17 PM
Bump for advice please :-( what would you do?
jani1231
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:11 PM

I am not in the military, but I know that if this is your dream then you should do it! He knew this when he met you and now you are forced to give it up. It's not fair to you. I wish you the best of luck!

jani1231
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:12 PM

What's the update? Has your husband said yes yet? I have a few questions... if you dont mind emailing me... thanks

Quoting Anonymous:

Bump for advice please :-( what would you do?


GypsyMom2012
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:15 PM

That is one tough spot you are in sweetie. Personally speaking, I wouldn't have gotten with another military type after the first one but thats just me. However, think about it this way. What kind of an example are you setting for your children?

What about reserves? Is that an option?

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