A Lesson for a 15 year old. *EDIT!*

Back story: my husband and my 2 young kids live with my MIL and DHs 2 teenage siblings. Yes I know this is a problem in itself and we are working on moving out. Anyway, so my MIL and me alternate weeks when we cook. This week is mine. We are low on money so I'm doing easy simple dinners. I said something like so I'm doing rutabaga egg nests and bacon tomorrow. Basically the rutabaga is hash browns. The 15 yr old girl said "ew that's nasty I'm not eating that." I was like do you even know what a rutabaga is?! You like potatoes don't you? Tastes just like it but more nutrients. She made another comment under her breath and I said "ya know what?! Why don't you make dinner for once?" She again bak talked me and said "ha I'm not making dinner that's stupid." Ohhhhhj giiiirl. Lol I was furious. Of course her mother did NOTHING. As usual. I always am getting lip from her.



So last night I was thinking about it. I was like what would I do if my kids acted that way when they are older. Got it! Give them $15-20 no more than $20. She has to plan out a dinner for one night. Take her to the store but she has no help with finding the ingredients. Catch is it has to accommodate the other sibling who is dairy and gluten intolerant. Then after she gets the stuff pay for it with the money. Come home and prepare it by 6pm. Set the table. Put the food on plates to serve. Then after dinner clean up the kitchen exactly how it should be done.



That's how me and my MIL do it. 6pm dinner and whoever cooks cleans.



Is this harsh? I think it would open her eyes and appreciate how much we actually do to plan an prepare the meals.



Should I propose this to her mother?

***EDIT*** guess I have l CLARIFY. I am NOT trying to parent her!! It was gonna be a suggestion to her mom. And I'm not telling her how to parent!! It was just an "eye opener" kinda thing.

I'm not gonna say anything to her about it, BUT I'm not gonna let some 15 year old best disrespect me. Also! It had nothing to do with the actual food I was making. It was her attitude towards the whole thing. This is NOT the first time she has mouthed off to me. Her mom has yelled at her before about it. And that was without me saying anything. It's just I was always brought up to respects elders especially when they cook dinner for you. My daughter granted she is 4 says ew I don't like this.. I immediately jump on her about it and say no that's not nice you don't say that.

Maybe what I said to her was smarting off but I don't give a damn. This girl has no respect for anyone in this house not just me and I'm not gonna let it slide!!

[TheQueenOfChaos]

Here's the thing. Just because you live with someone, doesn't make their children (or yours) community property. Do you appreciate people parenting your children or telling you how to raise them? You care for your kids, you pass on the message of what another child has done wrong to their parents, and you let them handle it.

Quoting Anonymous:

I know $20 isn't hard to do. That's not the point. The point is to show her how much work is put into feeding a household of 7. So that maybe she would appreciate it more.

And she does this often! About a lot of things. I am supposed to just let it go?

Quoting Anonymous:

It's not your child,  it's not your home,  just let it go!  And $20 for one dinner isn't that hard to do!

[Anonymous 1 - Original Poster]

My husband is gone most nights bc of work or he's not home in time to cook. And my MIL is divorced. But good point!

Quoting mom2priceboys:

at 15 and 18 thoses kids should be having their nights of cooking also and they need to shop from the provided pantry. So why do the other adults not have a cooking night as well?? Men cook at my house lol

[chattycassie]

 I wish you the best of luck. :)

Quoting Anonymous:

I wouldn't go about it as a way of telling her what to do. More like a suggestion and "I'd do it to my kids" kinda thing. Idk..

Quoting chattycassie:

 I would not cross the line of telling ANY mom especially your MIL how to raise kids. 

 

[Mel0dy]

Quoting MommyLove23:

Nope!She needs a smack on tha mouth along with that lesson!

Yes just Bitch slap the poor child. Hitting always works.

[wildlilacs]

I also agree, dont try to parent mil kids. Focus on yours and teach them. Teach them to do well in school and never get married or involved in ltr unless they can support themselves and/or their family. None of this moving in with inlaws or parents.

[Anonymous 4]

I think the problem is that the 15 yr old is your peer, not your child. It is not up to a brother (bil, sil) to punish their sibling. I also think most teens would say a rutabaga is gross...I definitely know what they are and I think they are gross. If you have $20 for an experiment, you have more than enough money for more than rutabagas and bacon. Your cooking agreement was with your mil and you actually smarted off when you said, "why don't you make dinner for once." If you don't like the living arrangements, move out. When I was a teen, my brother and his young children lived with us. I love my niece and nephew, but it was no picinic for me and I imagine it is not for the teens either. 

[tossed]

Quoting Anonymous:

I guess if I shouldn't be parenting then I shouldn't be making them dinner for them either. And it's not like I'm spending all my waking energy trying to "parent" her. But in the meantime, she is downright disrespectful to me. I don't let people walk all over me.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes you are supposed to let it go she's not your child and it's not your house,  you should be worrying about getting a place of your own not parenting other people's children!  I'm not saying she's in the right but it's not your place to teach her lessons!

Quoting Anonymous:

I know $20 isn't hard to do. That's not the point. The point is to show her how much work is put into feeding a household of 7. So that maybe she would appreciate it more.



And she does this often! About a lot of things. I am supposed to just let it go?

Quoting Anonymous:

It's not your child,  it's not your home,  just let it go!  And $20 for one dinner isn't that hard to do!

Your mil has opened her home up to 4 other people which has to be a strain on her and on the teens. You should in no way be trying to parent the teens. If you don't want to live up to your part of the bargain of cooking meals every other week, then try to renegotiate your deal, but I think you are getting a really good bargain. Having to cook for 3 additional people is not that hard and you get 2 weeks off a month from cooking and cleaning. Your being low on money creates a hardship on the teens because they have to eat your rutabaga, egg, bacon meal. I would say gross to that as well. It is not your place to tell your mil what her teens should or should not be doing...her house, her kids, her rules. There was no reason for her mom to say anything to her about what she said to you...you are not her superior. Don't like the deal, get out. 

[peachesforme]

lol If I was that teen, I'd just buy a frozen lasagna and voila! done.  that's what my teen self would do.  

[Anonymous 4]

Quoting wrensong:

My 13 yr old son can plan, shop for and prepare a meal for the family already and in fact hs sone so more than once as a home ec project (we homeschool)

Granted we don't have any special dietary issues to work around. Still I think by 15, a kid should be able to create a meal for the family

Mine could do it at a much younger age out of necessity...I was in a serious accident and he had to learn to cook. We lived across the street from a grocery store. At 8, he had to take the list and go get the items. His initial foods were simple, but he learned quickly. This was aided by scouts where they have to plan menus, do the shopping, and cook for their patrols starting in 5th grade. However, I would not have expected my son to cook for an entire other family of 4. 

[Anonymous 1 - Original Poster]

No one likes the living arrangement. And I am adult I expect to have respect when it comes to me cooking. I did NOT in any way smart off when I said that. Do you let people walk all over you? Bc if I hadn't said anything that's exactly what would have happened. This is in no way punishing her. It's just opening her eyes a little to what we do for her. Rutabagas are cheap! That's why I bought them. It wasn't an experiment. I'm trying to cook healthy. Not shit food. I know they don't like us living there no one does but I still deserve respect since we are buying, preparing, and cleaning up for them.

Quoting Anonymous:

I think the problem is that the 15 yr old is your peer, not your child. It is not up to a brother (bil, sil) to punish their sibling. I also think most teens would say a rutabaga is gross...I definitely know what they are and I think they are gross. If you have $20 for an experiment, you have more than enough money for more than rutabagas and bacon. Your cooking agreement was with your mil and you actually smarted off when you said, "why don't you make dinner for once." If you don't like the living arrangements, move out. When I was a teen, my brother and his young children lived with us. I love my niece and nephew, but it was no picinic for me and I imagine it is not for the teens either.