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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

A Lesson for a 15 year old. *EDIT!*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Back story: my husband and my 2 young kids live with my MIL and DHs 2 teenage siblings. Yes I know this is a problem in itself and we are working on moving out. Anyway, so my MIL and me alternate weeks when we cook. This week is mine. We are low on money so I'm doing easy simple dinners. I said something like so I'm doing rutabaga egg nests and bacon tomorrow. Basically the rutabaga is hash browns. The 15 yr old girl said "ew that's nasty I'm not eating that." I was like do you even know what a rutabaga is?! You like potatoes don't you? Tastes just like it but more nutrients. She made another comment under her breath and I said "ya know what?! Why don't you make dinner for once?" She again bak talked me and said "ha I'm not making dinner that's stupid." Ohhhhhj giiiirl. Lol I was furious. Of course her mother did NOTHING. As usual. I always am getting lip from her.



So last night I was thinking about it. I was like what would I do if my kids acted that way when they are older. Got it! Give them $15-20 no more than $20. She has to plan out a dinner for one night. Take her to the store but she has no help with finding the ingredients. Catch is it has to accommodate the other sibling who is dairy and gluten intolerant. Then after she gets the stuff pay for it with the money. Come home and prepare it by 6pm. Set the table. Put the food on plates to serve. Then after dinner clean up the kitchen exactly how it should be done.



That's how me and my MIL do it. 6pm dinner and whoever cooks cleans.



Is this harsh? I think it would open her eyes and appreciate how much we actually do to plan an prepare the meals.



Should I propose this to her mother?

***EDIT*** guess I have l CLARIFY. I am NOT trying to parent her!! It was gonna be a suggestion to her mom. And I'm not telling her how to parent!! It was just an "eye opener" kinda thing.

I'm not gonna say anything to her about it, BUT I'm not gonna let some 15 year old best disrespect me. Also! It had nothing to do with the actual food I was making. It was her attitude towards the whole thing. This is NOT the first time she has mouthed off to me. Her mom has yelled at her before about it. And that was without me saying anything. It's just I was always brought up to respects elders especially when they cook dinner for you. My daughter granted she is 4 says ew I don't like this.. I immediately jump on her about it and say no that's not nice you don't say that.

Maybe what I said to her was smarting off but I don't give a damn. This girl has no respect for anyone in this house not just me and I'm not gonna let it slide!!
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:10 PM
Replies (41-50):
kgsharber
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:28 PM

 She's not your kid to discipline.

tossed
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:31 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Anonymous:

No one likes the living arrangement. And I am adult I expect to have respect when it comes to me cooking. I did NOT in any way smart off when I said that. Do you let people walk all over you? Bc if I hadn't said anything that's exactly what would have happened. This is in no way punishing her. It's just opening her eyes a little to what we do for her. Rutabagas are cheap! That's why I bought them. It wasn't an experiment. I'm trying to cook healthy. Not shit food. I know they don't like us living there no one does but I still deserve respect since we are buying, preparing, and cleaning up for them.


Quoting Anonymous:

I think the problem is that the 15 yr old is your peer, not your child. It is not up to a brother (bil, sil) to punish their sibling. I also think most teens would say a rutabaga is gross...I definitely know what they are and I think they are gross. If you have $20 for an experiment, you have more than enough money for more than rutabagas and bacon. Your cooking agreement was with your mil and you actually smarted off when you said, "why don't you make dinner for once." If you don't like the living arrangements, move out. When I was a teen, my brother and his young children lived with us. I love my niece and nephew, but it was no picinic for me and I imagine it is not for the teens either. 



She did not insult you, she insulted your food. When you agreed to provide the food for 50% of the meals, you should have taken into account what the other family likes. Rutabagas are disgusting. I grew up having to eat them because we raised them and they are nasty, nasty. You are a sibling in law...she does not have to treat you like an adult on the street or next door neighbor. She should not have to call you ma'am or do as you say. Yes, the $20 you want to give them to cook a meal is an experiment or punishment and it is not your call to make. It is not your house...it is THEIR home. You may not think your comment that she should cook for once was not smarting off, but I bet it sounded that way to her and it sure sounds that way when reading your comment. She does not have to treat you special or like a mom. They would not have their brother, his wife, and their 2 kids in their home if you had your act together...you are the imposition on them, and you are acting like they are the imposition. Since you are cooking for 2 different families with different dietary needs and tastes, why not plan meals together? If you really want them to learn something, why not involve them in the meal planning process instead of dictating something most teens would not want to eat? They should not have to suffer because you are running low on money.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:32 PM


Quoting tossed:


Quoting Anonymous:

No one likes the living arrangement. And I am adult I expect to have respect when it comes to me cooking. I did NOT in any way smart off when I said that. Do you let people walk all over you? Bc if I hadn't said anything that's exactly what would have happened. This is in no way punishing her. It's just opening her eyes a little to what we do for her. Rutabagas are cheap! That's why I bought them. It wasn't an experiment. I'm trying to cook healthy. Not shit food. I know they don't like us living there no one does but I still deserve respect since we are buying, preparing, and cleaning up for them.


Quoting Anonymous:

I think the problem is that the 15 yr old is your peer, not your child. It is not up to a brother (bil, sil) to punish their sibling. I also think most teens would say a rutabaga is gross...I definitely know what they are and I think they are gross. If you have $20 for an experiment, you have more than enough money for more than rutabagas and bacon. Your cooking agreement was with your mil and you actually smarted off when you said, "why don't you make dinner for once." If you don't like the living arrangements, move out. When I was a teen, my brother and his young children lived with us. I love my niece and nephew, but it was no picinic for me and I imagine it is not for the teens either. 



She did not insult you, she insulted your food. When you agreed to provide the food for 50% of the meals, you should have taken into account what the other family likes. Rutabagas are disgusting. I grew up having to eat them because we raised them and they are nasty, nasty. You are a sibling in law...she does not have to treat you like an adult on the street or next door neighbor. She should not have to call you ma'am or do as you say. Yes, the $20 you want to give them to cook a meal is an experiment or punishment and it is not your call to make. It is not your house...it is THEIR home. You may not think your comment that she should cook for once was not smarting off, but I bet it sounded that way to her and it sure sounds that way when reading your comment. She does not have to treat you special or like a mom. They would not have their brother, his wife, and their 2 kids in their home if you had your act together...you are the imposition on them, and you are acting like they are the imposition. Since you are cooking for 2 different families with different dietary needs and tastes, why not plan meals together? If you really want them to learn something, why not involve them in the meal planning process instead of dictating something most teens would not want to eat? They should not have to suffer because you are running low on money.

Glad I am not there!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:35 PM
Get it straight people!!! I am NOT trying to parent her! It is more of a eye opener than anything else! Geez.


Quoting tossed:



Quoting Anonymous:

I guess if I shouldn't be parenting then I shouldn't be making them dinner for them either. And it's not like I'm spending all my waking energy trying to "parent" her. But in the meantime, she is downright disrespectful to me. I don't let people walk all over me.





Quoting Anonymous:

Yes you are supposed to let it go she's not your child and it's not your house,  you should be worrying about getting a place of your own not parenting other people's children!  I'm not saying she's in the right but it's not your place to teach her lessons!



Quoting Anonymous:

I know $20 isn't hard to do. That's not the point. The point is to show her how much work is put into feeding a household of 7. So that maybe she would appreciate it more.





And she does this often! About a lot of things. I am supposed to just let it go?








Quoting Anonymous:

It's not your child,  it's not your home,  just let it go!  And $20 for one dinner isn't that hard to do!







Your mil has opened her home up to 4 other people which has to be a strain on her and on the teens. You should in no way be trying to parent the teens. If you don't want to live up to your part of the bargain of cooking meals every other week, then try to renegotiate your deal, but I think you are getting a really good bargain. Having to cook for 3 additional people is not that hard and you get 2 weeks off a month from cooking and cleaning. Your being low on money creates a hardship on the teens because they have to eat your rutabaga, egg, bacon meal. I would say gross to that as well. It is not your place to tell your mil what her teens should or should not be doing...her house, her kids, her rules. There was no reason for her mom to say anything to her about what she said to you...you are not her superior. Don't like the deal, get out. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:43 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

Get it straight people!!! I am NOT trying to parent her! It is more of a eye opener than anything else! Geez.


Quoting tossed:



Quoting Anonymous:

I guess if I shouldn't be parenting then I shouldn't be making them dinner for them either. And it's not like I'm spending all my waking energy trying to "parent" her. But in the meantime, she is downright disrespectful to me. I don't let people walk all over me.





Quoting Anonymous:

Yes you are supposed to let it go she's not your child and it's not your house,  you should be worrying about getting a place of your own not parenting other people's children!  I'm not saying she's in the right but it's not your place to teach her lessons!



Quoting Anonymous:

I know $20 isn't hard to do. That's not the point. The point is to show her how much work is put into feeding a household of 7. So that maybe she would appreciate it more.





And she does this often! About a lot of things. I am supposed to just let it go?








Quoting Anonymous:

It's not your child,  it's not your home,  just let it go!  And $20 for one dinner isn't that hard to do!







Your mil has opened her home up to 4 other people which has to be a strain on her and on the teens. You should in no way be trying to parent the teens. If you don't want to live up to your part of the bargain of cooking meals every other week, then try to renegotiate your deal, but I think you are getting a really good bargain. Having to cook for 3 additional people is not that hard and you get 2 weeks off a month from cooking and cleaning. Your being low on money creates a hardship on the teens because they have to eat your rutabaga, egg, bacon meal. I would say gross to that as well. It is not your place to tell your mil what her teens should or should not be doing...her house, her kids, her rules. There was no reason for her mom to say anything to her about what she said to you...you are not her superior. Don't like the deal, get out. 


It IS NOT your place to "open her eyes" to the way you think things should be done. You will have your chance when your kids are teens and you will learn that it is not as easy as you think. I feel sorry for 2 teen girls having to have another family live in their home.

onethentwins
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:47 PM

They're right OP. You're way off the mark here.

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

Get it straight people!!! I am NOT trying to parent her! It is more of a eye opener than anything else! Geez.


Quoting tossed:



Quoting Anonymous:

I guess if I shouldn't be parenting then I shouldn't be making them dinner for them either. And it's not like I'm spending all my waking energy trying to "parent" her. But in the meantime, she is downright disrespectful to me. I don't let people walk all over me.





Quoting Anonymous:

Yes you are supposed to let it go she's not your child and it's not your house,  you should be worrying about getting a place of your own not parenting other people's children!  I'm not saying she's in the right but it's not your place to teach her lessons!



Quoting Anonymous:

I know $20 isn't hard to do. That's not the point. The point is to show her how much work is put into feeding a household of 7. So that maybe she would appreciate it more.





And she does this often! About a lot of things. I am supposed to just let it go?








Quoting Anonymous:

It's not your child,  it's not your home,  just let it go!  And $20 for one dinner isn't that hard to do!







Your mil has opened her home up to 4 other people which has to be a strain on her and on the teens. You should in no way be trying to parent the teens. If you don't want to live up to your part of the bargain of cooking meals every other week, then try to renegotiate your deal, but I think you are getting a really good bargain. Having to cook for 3 additional people is not that hard and you get 2 weeks off a month from cooking and cleaning. Your being low on money creates a hardship on the teens because they have to eat your rutabaga, egg, bacon meal. I would say gross to that as well. It is not your place to tell your mil what her teens should or should not be doing...her house, her kids, her rules. There was no reason for her mom to say anything to her about what she said to you...you are not her superior. Don't like the deal, get out. 


It IS NOT your place to "open her eyes" to the way you think things should be done. You will have your chance when your kids are teens and you will learn that it is not as easy as you think. I feel sorry for 2 teen girls having to have another family live in their home.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:47 PM
I feel sorry for all of us. And it's a boy and a girl. 15 and 18. They don't do shit for themselves. Their mom does everything for them down to changing their sheets and making their lunches. The MIL gives me advice on things and we have said before that we both can do that.

The reason we are here is because my husband graduated with a BS and can't find a decent job. He's working his ass off with two jobs and still can't bring in enough money. So we aren't just mooching or anything.


Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting Anonymous:

Get it straight people!!! I am NOT trying to parent her! It is more of a eye opener than anything else! Geez.





Quoting tossed:




Quoting Anonymous:

I guess if I shouldn't be parenting then I shouldn't be making them dinner for them either. And it's not like I'm spending all my waking energy trying to "parent" her. But in the meantime, she is downright disrespectful to me. I don't let people walk all over me.








Quoting Anonymous:

Yes you are supposed to let it go she's not your child and it's not your house,  you should be worrying about getting a place of your own not parenting other people's children!  I'm not saying she's in the right but it's not your place to teach her lessons!




Quoting Anonymous:

I know $20 isn't hard to do. That's not the point. The point is to show her how much work is put into feeding a household of 7. So that maybe she would appreciate it more.







And she does this often! About a lot of things. I am supposed to just let it go?











Quoting Anonymous:

It's not your child,  it's not your home,  just let it go!  And $20 for one dinner isn't that hard to do!









Your mil has opened her home up to 4 other people which has to be a strain on her and on the teens. You should in no way be trying to parent the teens. If you don't want to live up to your part of the bargain of cooking meals every other week, then try to renegotiate your deal, but I think you are getting a really good bargain. Having to cook for 3 additional people is not that hard and you get 2 weeks off a month from cooking and cleaning. Your being low on money creates a hardship on the teens because they have to eat your rutabaga, egg, bacon meal. I would say gross to that as well. It is not your place to tell your mil what her teens should or should not be doing...her house, her kids, her rules. There was no reason for her mom to say anything to her about what she said to you...you are not her superior. Don't like the deal, get out. 



It IS NOT your place to "open her eyes" to the way you think things should be done. You will have your chance when your kids are teens and you will learn that it is not as easy as you think. I feel sorry for 2 teen girls having to have another family live in their home.


TAG_ur_it
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:50 PM
1 mom liked this

i think it's a great idea.  your kid or not, she's still family.  in my family, we keep each other in check.  doesn't matter who the parent is. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:57 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

I feel sorry for all of us. And it's a boy and a girl. 15 and 18. They don't do shit for themselves. Their mom does everything for them down to changing their sheets and making their lunches. The MIL gives me advice on things and we have said before that we both can do that.

The reason we are here is because my husband graduated with a BS and can't find a decent job. He's working his ass off with two jobs and still can't bring in enough money. So we aren't just mooching or anything.


Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting Anonymous:

Get it straight people!!! I am NOT trying to parent her! It is more of a eye opener than anything else! Geez.





Quoting tossed:




Quoting Anonymous:

I guess if I shouldn't be parenting then I shouldn't be making them dinner for them either. And it's not like I'm spending all my waking energy trying to "parent" her. But in the meantime, she is downright disrespectful to me. I don't let people walk all over me.








Quoting Anonymous:

Yes you are supposed to let it go she's not your child and it's not your house,  you should be worrying about getting a place of your own not parenting other people's children!  I'm not saying she's in the right but it's not your place to teach her lessons!




Quoting Anonymous:

I know $20 isn't hard to do. That's not the point. The point is to show her how much work is put into feeding a household of 7. So that maybe she would appreciate it more.







And she does this often! About a lot of things. I am supposed to just let it go?











Quoting Anonymous:

It's not your child,  it's not your home,  just let it go!  And $20 for one dinner isn't that hard to do!









Your mil has opened her home up to 4 other people which has to be a strain on her and on the teens. You should in no way be trying to parent the teens. If you don't want to live up to your part of the bargain of cooking meals every other week, then try to renegotiate your deal, but I think you are getting a really good bargain. Having to cook for 3 additional people is not that hard and you get 2 weeks off a month from cooking and cleaning. Your being low on money creates a hardship on the teens because they have to eat your rutabaga, egg, bacon meal. I would say gross to that as well. It is not your place to tell your mil what her teens should or should not be doing...her house, her kids, her rules. There was no reason for her mom to say anything to her about what she said to you...you are not her superior. Don't like the deal, get out. 



It IS NOT your place to "open her eyes" to the way you think things should be done. You will have your chance when your kids are teens and you will learn that it is not as easy as you think. I feel sorry for 2 teen girls having to have another family live in their home.


ok. teen boy and girl. It is not your place to discipline either of them. If you want to talk to your mil in private, go for it. But, she has clearly decided what kind of mom she wants to be and it is not up to you to try to guide her. The teens are not responsible for your economic situation. Since you are supposed to be contributing by preparing meals every other week, these teens are at your mercy. They have to have 2 young kids around them as well and I bet that is no picinic.  Since you clearly need their home right now, you really should be playing nice instead of trying to "open eyes" or giving a woman old enough to be your mom advice. She, after all, has raised a teen and you have not. 

LucyHarper
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:57 PM
1 mom liked this

My children know that many people go without food, my five year old knows better than to say something like that. $20 is what we sometimes spend on dinner for a week, I would give them less to show them how hard it can really be sometimes. My sister and I both often went without food when we were kids and ended up severely underweight and with vitamin indeficiencies, my sister got rickets and had to wear braces on her legs, my kids know this as it's something thats hard to hide from them, when they ask what are on her legs in photos, we aren't going to lie to them. I make sure that my children will never go without food and have the nutrition they need, in return they eat what we make them without complaint. They are grateful for the food that we have. If they ever spoke to me like that, I would do what you would do and have them plan a healthy meal on a budget and also make them work at a soup kitchen for a few days as well as have a serious discussion about how important nutrition is, how many people in the world go without food and no I am not above showing them pictures of starving kids in other countries, and we would have a serious talk about respect, when someone makes you something, you accept it and act grateful for it.

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