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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Ahhhhh they want to "help" me.......

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 27 Replies

I am 22 years old and my husband is 23, our first baby is due July 1, 2013. I am so excited, but I am also in knots about family wanting to "help" me... I understand that I'll probably be tired and want some help but all of our family lives out of town and they are all talking about flying in for when it's born and staying with us...We have a 1 1/2 bedroom apartment and my husband isn't always very vocal about things. So if other people were constantly holding our baby he might just stay in the background.

My goal is also to breastfeed, which I understand is totally natural but it still makes me a little uncomfortable to think of people watching me breastfeed. Is it reasonable to want people to wait a week or two after our baby is born before they come visit? It's mainly my mom, his mom, his sisters, and their families. But I just want to make sure we have the time to get to know our child, give our two dogs time to adjust....I just don't know how to put this across without hurting people's feelings. Especially, since in his family lots of times the grandparents will be in the room for the birth and I don't want anyone in there but my husband. I love our families very much.....but how do I avoid the over "helping" without hurting feelings?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:28 PM
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brittany208
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:32 PM
1 mom liked this

You're the new mom, whatever you say goes!! I personally didn't have anyone come stay with me, and wouldn't have wanted anyone to. DH stayed home a week and a half or so, and people dropped by to visit a lot, which I loved, but no one stayed that long and since it was mostly DH's friends anyways, I could always slip away with baby at any time. Do what is right for you! There is nothing wrong with telling them you'd love their help a couple weeks after baby is born (or not at all)

Hyman
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:32 PM
1 mom liked this
Hmm. It's what you feel comfortable with.

I suggest you get all the breastfeeding books you can get your hands on. Even from the library. I love The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding FYI. And la leche league meetings.

We were living at my parents because of remodeling that went completely beyond what we planned and forced us out. So we had our baby at my moms and she helped me so much.

I'm pregnant again and I'm nervous about how to do this all alone and with a young toddler!!

You should get a carrier. I loved my sling and ergo and now action baby carrier. You can nurse in them and nobody will see. If that's how you're comfy. And also swaddle blankets or a thin scarf make great covers too. I hated the actual covers made for bf.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:35 PM

I guess I just need to find the courage to say something. My husband is on board with having people hold off to visit. It would be different if they lived in town and could just stop by for a visit, but the thought of them all coming from out of town to stay just terrifies me. (Even with my own my mom) He is hoping to take 1 1/2 - 2 weeks off as he should have enough paid vacation. I would just be so bummed if either one of us felt disappointed later that we missed out on our baby's beginning. 

Quoting brittany208:

You're the new mom, whatever you say goes!! I personally didn't have anyone come stay with me, and wouldn't have wanted anyone to. DH stayed home a week and a half or so, and people dropped by to visit a lot, which I loved, but no one stayed that long and since it was mostly DH's friends anyways, I could always slip away with baby at any time. Do what is right for you! There is nothing wrong with telling them you'd love their help a couple weeks after baby is born (or not at all)


Two_Hearts
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:38 PM

You could always make a schedule for each family ...that may work, it will give you the help but not overwhelm things. 

As for breast feeding ...you can always make it a rule that you breast feed alone...you could always ask them to give you space when it comes to feeding your child, and you can pick a certain room to use that they know to stay out of.

catrig
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:38 PM

Just say no.  What is a half bedroom?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:39 PM

I just got a book on breastfeeding, I can't remember the title but I've been reading a bit each day. It's really strange but I have no problem with people breastfeeding in public, but I guess I am just kind of uncomfortable with people watching me. I love the sling idea since I have have heard that babies are usually happier in slings and are a lot more portable. :)

Quoting Hyman:

Hmm. It's what you feel comfortable with.

I suggest you get all the breastfeeding books you can get your hands on. Even from the library. I love The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding FYI. And la leche league meetings.

We were living at my parents because of remodeling that went completely beyond what we planned and forced us out. So we had our baby at my moms and she helped me so much.

I'm pregnant again and I'm nervous about how to do this all alone and with a young toddler!!

You should get a carrier. I loved my sling and ergo and now action baby carrier. You can nurse in them and nobody will see. If that's how you're comfy. And also swaddle blankets or a thin scarf make great covers too. I hated the actual covers made for bf.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:40 PM

lol, I say 1/2 because it's so tiny. Basically room for a crib and a dresser and that's it. 

Quoting catrig:

Just say no.  What is a half bedroom?


brittany208
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:40 PM

I found absolutely no reason to need people to come and stay with me at all. Newborns need pretty much nothing except a boob and a diaper change every couple hours... so we just laid around all day. With just me and DH, there wasn't much cleaning to do at all. And I bought frozen stouffer's meals so dinner only required me to preheat the oven and toss it in when it was time. I think having extra people around would be MUCH more work and much more stressful.

(unless DH couldn't be around or I had lots of kids or something)

Quoting Anonymous:

I guess I just need to find the courage to say something. My husband is on board with having people hold off to visit. It would be different if they lived in town and could just stop by for a visit, but the thought of them all coming from out of town to stay just terrifies me. (Even with my own my mom) He is hoping to take 1 1/2 - 2 weeks off as he should have enough paid vacation. I would just be so bummed if either one of us felt disappointed later that we missed out on our baby's beginning. 

Quoting brittany208:

You're the new mom, whatever you say goes!! I personally didn't have anyone come stay with me, and wouldn't have wanted anyone to. DH stayed home a week and a half or so, and people dropped by to visit a lot, which I loved, but no one stayed that long and since it was mostly DH's friends anyways, I could always slip away with baby at any time. Do what is right for you! There is nothing wrong with telling them you'd love their help a couple weeks after baby is born (or not at all)

 


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:42 PM

I like the schedule idea so everyone wouldn't all be trying to spend time with baby at once, but I am just more concerned how both my mom and his mom want to come before baby is born and stay with us and help us for a week or two after it's born. I just want us to have some time with it first, but I don't want to hurt their feelings as I know they are trying to be helpful and are really excited...

Quoting Two_Hearts:

You could always make a schedule for each family ...that may work, it will give you the help but not overwhelm things. 

As for breast feeding ...you can always make it a rule that you breast feed alone...you could always ask them to give you space when it comes to feeding your child, and you can pick a certain room to use that they know to stay out of.


boldrumble
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:43 PM
Tell them to wait! A relative of mine came in before i was ready and it was awful. She is still mad, but she was in yhe way in a very new situation for me and my newborn.


Quoting Anonymous:

I am 22 years old and my husband is 23, our first baby is due July 1, 2013. I am so excited, but I am also in knots about family wanting to "help" me... I understand that I'll probably be tired and want some help but all of our family lives out of town and they are all talking about flying in for when it's born and staying with us...We have a 1 1/2 bedroom apartment and my husband isn't always very vocal about things. So if other people were constantly holding our baby he might just stay in the background.

My goal is also to breastfeed, which I understand is totally natural but it still makes me a little uncomfortable to think of people watching me breastfeed. Is it reasonable to want people to wait a week or two after our baby is born before they come visit? It's mainly my mom, his mom, his sisters, and their families. But I just want to make sure we have the time to get to know our child, give our two dogs time to adjust....I just don't know how to put this across without hurting people's feelings. Especially, since in his family lots of times the grandparents will be in the room for the birth and I don't want anyone in there but my husband. I love our families very much.....but how do I avoid the over "helping" without hurting feelings?


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