Lonely but scared

[Anonymous]

Naturally, I'm a bubbly person. Now, I'm still a bubbly person on the outside, but inside I'm a tangled, confused, depressed mess. I've been through a lot that has made me this way. I don't know how to trust men. EVERY man I've ever trusted has hurt me either physically or emotionally. I'm a single mom and I stay so busy it's impossible to have a life. I want to start dating, but I'm scared and I haven't even met anyone in a long time. I don't know if I'm ready. I still feel like an emotional mess.

[Anonymous]

Might not be the best time to start dating. 

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

I know, I just wonder will I be this damaged my whole life

Quoting Anonymous:

Might not be the best time to start dating. 

[MoMofTWOkiddos]

I doubt you will feel like that for life. I've been in your situation and with the right help, you will overcome your fears and move on.

Quoting Anonymous:

I know, I just wonder will I be this damaged my whole life

Quoting Anonymous:

Might not be the best time to start dating. 

[maureen813]

with AM not trying to put a plug in for my profession but have you considered counseling? 

[Anonymous]

i dont think that you'll be damaged your entire life. i was like you a while ago. every guy i was with, was abusive in some way. it was horrible. i was so broken down, so beaten down... then i met someone-- who kinda lifted me up, made me feel better. after 5 years, we arent together anymore, but he treated me amazingly. i still love and care for him.. but i realized that i need time to fix myself. i shouldnt have to rely on him to make me feel better, ya know.

so in a small way, we are starting out on the same path.... i'm trying to make some friends. nothing sexual, no new boyfriend or even dating really... but just being friends with someone. not sure if you have any, but if you do- go out with them. get a sitter if possible and go to the movies, go bowling, etc.

if you dont have friends- try meetup.com for playgroups, parent groups, etc. this is what i'm doing now. lol

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

I had a boyfriend like that. He treated me great and was very understanding. Up to a certain point..... I know I need to fix myself but I don't even know where to start.

Quoting Anonymous:

i dont think that you'll be damaged your entire life. i was like you a while ago. every guy i was with, was abusive in some way. it was horrible. i was so broken down, so beaten down... then i met someone-- who kinda lifted me up, made me feel better. after 5 years, we arent together anymore, but he treated me amazingly. i still love and care for him.. but i realized that i need time to fix myself. i shouldnt have to rely on him to make me feel better, ya know.

so in a small way, we are starting out on the same path.... i'm trying to make some friends. nothing sexual, no new boyfriend or even dating really... but just being friends with someone. not sure if you have any, but if you do- go out with them. get a sitter if possible and go to the movies, go bowling, etc.

if you dont have friends- try meetup.com for playgroups, parent groups, etc. this is what i'm doing now. lol

[Anonymous - Original Poster]

Yes, for my depression, but not for anything else. We talked about my past and I was "promiscuous" as she put it when I was younger. I never went into details about anything, but she thinks I'm being too hard on myself. Yet I do believe that everything my fault.

Quoting maureen813:

with AM not trying to put a plug in for my profession but have you considered counseling? 

[Anonymous]

where do you feel that you are lacking?

what do you want out of your life?

those are the big ones for me.... for me, like you- i'm hard on myself... i feel like i'm failing as a parent. i'm not doing enough and i've let my depression hinder me REALLY badly. i'm not sure how to move past that b/c now, i am trying... but the past keeps popping in my mind.

i dont clean, barely cook.... right now, i have to have a daily to do list to just get me out of my bed.... on good days, accomplishing half of the list (even if its just 5 things), i feel proud of myself. on bad days-- well, i feel like shit.

in my life- i want to be happy. i want to do something meaningful in my life. i like to help people so i'm looking into volunteer options. i want to be okay by myself- i dont want to have a man, to validate that i'm doing something good in my life, that i have something worthwhile to live for.

Quoting Anonymous:

I had a boyfriend like that. He treated me great and was very understanding. Up to a certain point..... I know I need to fix myself but I don't even know where to start.

Quoting Anonymous:

i dont think that you'll be damaged your entire life. i was like you a while ago. every guy i was with, was abusive in some way. it was horrible. i was so broken down, so beaten down... then i met someone-- who kinda lifted me up, made me feel better. after 5 years, we arent together anymore, but he treated me amazingly. i still love and care for him.. but i realized that i need time to fix myself. i shouldnt have to rely on him to make me feel better, ya know.

so in a small way, we are starting out on the same path.... i'm trying to make some friends. nothing sexual, no new boyfriend or even dating really... but just being friends with someone. not sure if you have any, but if you do- go out with them. get a sitter if possible and go to the movies, go bowling, etc.

if you dont have friends- try meetup.com for playgroups, parent groups, etc. this is what i'm doing now. lol