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Have You Had The Death Talk??

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Has anyone had the death talk with their kids? :/

Our bird died today and I sent her off to be cremated. They keep saying "When Ti gets home can I rub her neck/feed her/pet her/ kiss her?"
I tell them no they can't because she isn't alive anymore and I had to take her to the place where they take care of people/pets that have died. They say they understand death and I ask them to tell me and all I get is that it means someone isn't alive anymore but then ask to do things with her so I know they haven't grasped the concept.

I don't even know if I should go into what cremation is or have her box out when I get the ashes back.
I told them we would talk about it more tomorrow when Mummy wasn't so exhausted.

So, ladies, can you give me any ideas or tell me how you did things and what worked and what didn't? I'm at a loss!
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by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:07 PM
Replies (21-30):
MomLife16
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:49 PM
I had to attempt to when my oldest verbally threatened to kill himself (we're in the middle of testing for Asperger's and he's having a hard time socializing and keeping up with the other students academically). He figured it to be the same thing as jail. Smh


Quoting Anonymous:

I was wondering the same thing the other day. Except instead of just explaining death, is it appropriate to explain suicide to a child? 


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MomLife16
by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:50 PM
That was pretty much how they took their great great grandfather's death.


Quoting MistyMoo:

2.5, so not old enough to fully understand what went on, but old enough to know something was seriously wrong.



Quoting MomLife16:

How old was he?






Quoting MistyMoo:

Yes, my DS wanted to know why grandpa wouldn't wake up.


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-spork2.0-
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:52 PM
Ds is still too little to understand. Hes 2. We have had it with both girls, at ages 3&6.. they are now 5&8
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MistyMoo
by Ruby Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:53 PM
DS is 5 now and he still says mom, is papa still sleeping in there? And e points to the grave yard and I say yep. He can also tell me who he is in pictures. I'm actually surprised he does that because he didn't have much time with him and we don't go to tw graveyard to visit.

Quoting MomLife16:

That was pretty much how they took their great great grandfather's death.




Quoting MistyMoo:

2.5, so not old enough to fully understand what went on, but old enough to know something was seriously wrong.





Quoting MomLife16:

How old was he?








Quoting MistyMoo:

Yes, my DS wanted to know why grandpa wouldn't wake up.


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supermomz25
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:54 PM

my dad passed away almost 2 years ago. I had to go up the ICU to see him and make a decision about whether to keep him on life support or pull the plug. I was gone for 2 days while my husband stayed with my kids. when I came back, it was about later that he died. I was making funeral arrangements and I was explaining things to my kids. I told them that papa had died because he was old and very sick. I explained how he was going to be cremated and then buried in the cemetery. I told them that we could visit him anytime we wanted. at the time my kids were 10 1/2, 9 & 2. the older ones seemed to understand pretty well and they were all present at the funeral, which was a military funeral. they actually handled it very well.

ladybugrooke
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:56 PM

I have had to because my sister died from drowning when my oldest children were younger. It happened on my sons birthday and I had to explain why I was so said on his birthday. Then 2 years ago today, their baby sister died and because they had never seen her they had a really hard time understanding why she didn't get to come home with mommy. So, I have had to have the talk with each set of kids.

KyrinM
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:03 AM

We have, but it was a lot harder than a pet bird.  I'd trade you any day.  We had to explain to our kids that their best friend who they had just been with 2 days before had died of meningitis.  Not only did we have to explain that they would never see him again, we also had the added fear that they might get it too.  They took it well, they were 8 and 3 at the time, I really think us adults had a harder time accepting it.  But it still took awhile to sink in that death meant they are gone from our lives until it is our time to go.  I still am not sure they really understand that part.  My oldest still mentions V quite often, saying he still misses him.  All you can do it explain that this is part of living, that everything is a cycle & each creature has a span of time in which they get to live, for some it is really short, like with the bird, some it is very long, like with a grandparent.  But that all life has to come to an end eventually, because that is just how it is.  Good luck.

428pm
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:06 AM

I lied.  

Yup, I admit it.  I lied.  

Probably confused the shit out of my kid, but he was inconsolable for weeks about our cat, so I said the cat went to heaven.  He asked how if there was no heaven, and I said "oh im sure there's a heaven for cats"

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:15 AM

 when my sister passed my nephew was  almost 5

i kinda like they way his dad explained it .

 he said you know what its like when you have a toy and it gets broken  and it wont work anymore,  well we have parts inside of us that can break and wont work anymore .

told him it takes a long time ( so he wouldn't get scared it would happen to him )  he said it does not hurt when parts don't work anymore , and that we put the rest of the out side parts  in a place ( grave yard ) so god can watch them for us

MomLife16
by Gold Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:18 AM
I may use some parts of your explanation.


Quoting LucyHarper:

Yes, people that we know have died and they have been to funerals. My 2.5 month old obviously doesn't know anything about it, but our five year old does, as do my siblings whom I'm the guardian of, they are 10, 13, and 17. We believe in treating death as a part of life instead of hiding it away and making it seem scary. We are religious, so that's a part of what we tell them, explained to our five year old when he was younger that while we are alive we live in our bodies, but when someone is done with their body, they leave it and go up to heaven, so they are no longer alive, so we can't see them or talk to them in person, but it's okay because they had a life and they enjoyed their life and now they will never feel pain or sadness again and we can see them again someday when we are done with our bodies, but for now we just have to remember them in our minds.


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