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Have You Had The Death Talk??

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Has anyone had the death talk with their kids? :/

Our bird died today and I sent her off to be cremated. They keep saying "When Ti gets home can I rub her neck/feed her/pet her/ kiss her?"
I tell them no they can't because she isn't alive anymore and I had to take her to the place where they take care of people/pets that have died. They say they understand death and I ask them to tell me and all I get is that it means someone isn't alive anymore but then ask to do things with her so I know they haven't grasped the concept.

I don't even know if I should go into what cremation is or have her box out when I get the ashes back.
I told them we would talk about it more tomorrow when Mummy wasn't so exhausted.

So, ladies, can you give me any ideas or tell me how you did things and what worked and what didn't? I'm at a loss!
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by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:07 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:21 AM

I live with degenerating lung disease and am on supplemental oxygen. My 6 year old is painfully aware of the death thing. We are as candid as we can be without scaring him.

MomLife16
by Gold Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:24 AM
Aww, what a sweetheart!


Quoting Kitschy:

I'm sorry. My daughter thinks that if you are dead and a prince kisses you, you will wake up. :(

Quoting MomLife16:

Yea. They aren't quite understanding how physically final death is. My 5yo is all about the questions right now and my 6yo is sensitive so trying to explain things has been a roller coaster! Especially since she was fine when they went to bed last night and woke up to see me dozing with a sleeping, bleeding bird on me.





Quoting Kitschy:

I think at that age it's really hard because you know they don't grasp the concept. Explain however you want to teach them (spiritually or not) and let it be. Answer questions if they have them but don't push the issue if you feel like they just don't understand. It's okay if they don't fully understand, it's a process. :)

Quoting MomLife16:

5&6








Quoting Kitschy:

My 4 year old has asked but she still doesn't understand the concept. We put our dog down two years ago and my grandmother died as well. How old are the kids?









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MomLife16
by Gold Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:31 AM
How did they do with cremation explanation?


Quoting supermomz25:

my dad passed away almost 2 years ago. I had to go up the ICU to see him and make a decision about whether to keep him on life support or pull the plug. I was gone for 2 days while my husband stayed with my kids. when I came back, it was about later that he died. I was making funeral arrangements and I was explaining things to my kids. I told them that papa had died because he was old and very sick. I explained how he was going to be cremated and then buried in the cemetery. I told them that we could visit him anytime we wanted. at the time my kids were 10 1/2, 9 & 2. the older ones seemed to understand pretty well and they were all present at the funeral, which was a military funeral. they actually handled it very well.


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supermomz25
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:35 AM

I just told them that sometimes when people die they would prefer to be cremated as opposed to being buried in a coffin. I searched the Internet about cremation and being buried in a coffin and showed them pictures and let them read the explanations about both.  

Quoting MomLife16:

How did they do with cremation explanation?


Quoting supermomz25:

my dad passed away almost 2 years ago. I had to go up the ICU to see him and make a decision about whether to keep him on life support or pull the plug. I was gone for 2 days while my husband stayed with my kids. when I came back, it was about later that he died. I was making funeral arrangements and I was explaining things to my kids. I told them that papa had died because he was old and very sick. I explained how he was going to be cremated and then buried in the cemetery. I told them that we could visit him anytime we wanted. at the time my kids were 10 1/2, 9 & 2. the older ones seemed to understand pretty well and they were all present at the funeral, which was a military funeral. they actually handled it very well.


 

got2monsters
by Ruby Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:38 AM
i had to explain to my son his horse died, i told him that Yellow fell down and got stuck in some trees that made it hard for him to breathe, so jesus told him to go to sleep and when he fell asleep jesus took him to heaven. he understood and accepted it.
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lnrmom
by Ruby Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:40 AM
Quoting melakay1981:

I had no choice, my 10 year old daughter has brain cancer.  She had tons of questions about death.  We have also lost quite a few members of our family and a very close friend.  Sadly my kids have been exposed to death for as long as I can remember.




((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))
StrawberryCool
by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:41 AM
Yup.

When Joe paterno died last year.

She was three Amd understood.
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MomLife16
by Gold Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 9:00 AM
I like that explanation. I think they would be able to understand that a little better. Thank you!


Quoting Anonymous:

 when my sister passed my nephew was  almost 5


i kinda like they way his dad explained it .


 he said you know what its like when you have a toy and it gets broken  and it wont work anymore,  well we have parts inside of us that can break and wont work anymore .


told him it takes a long time ( so he wouldn't get scared it would happen to him )  he said it does not hurt when parts don't work anymore , and that we put the rest of the out side parts  in a place ( grave yard ) so god can watch them for us


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 9, 2013 at 11:46 AM

 welcome

Quoting MomLife16:

I like that explanation. I think they would be able to understand that a little better. Thank you!


Quoting Anonymous:

 when my sister passed my nephew was  almost 5


i kinda like they way his dad explained it .


 he said you know what its like when you have a toy and it gets broken  and it wont work anymore,  well we have parts inside of us that can break and wont work anymore .


told him it takes a long time ( so he wouldn't get scared it would happen to him )  he said it does not hurt when parts don't work anymore , and that we put the rest of the out side parts  in a place ( grave yard ) so god can watch them for us


 

UxorQuodMatris.
by Ruby Member on Jan. 9, 2013 at 11:50 AM
When my brother died my children of course, asked what happened. I didn't want to tell them he committed suicide (they were 4 and 5 at the time) so I told them that he was sick. Depression is an illness so I wasn't lying, but it's hard even as an adult to comprehend someone taking their own life, they wouldn't have understood.

Quoting Anonymous:

I was wondering the same thing the other day. Except instead of just explaining death, is it appropriate to explain suicide to a child? 

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