Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I agree with CS but... *UPDATE*

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I don't agree with the parent recieveing CS sitting on their ass at their parents house not trying to get a job or paying any bills to recieve a shit ton of money. I mean getting CS and welfare not trying to work because she can use CS for vactations or go to the salon and shit. I think it should just be used for the kids period. I just don't think its fair for a parent to work their ass off to provide while the other parent does nothing.


Update- This is why I feel this way and what my situation is BM for the past year lost yet another job(was fired again)then had another baby with a parolee who is back in jail for another 15-20years gets a ton of CS from DH collects unemployment sits on her ass all day but puts her kids in daycare for 8+ hours for no reason and collects FS. I mean come on she lives at home with her parents does not pay one bill DH buys everything SD needs on top of CS. She brings in more money a month with all this than DH and I both do. We buy her everything because she refuses to she always sends her unbathed and in really nasty clothes. We have tried getting custody but everytime she ends up pulling a miracle to keep her. That is why I feel this way

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 9, 2013 at 3:03 PM
Replies (151-155):
Kazoo22
by Platinum Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 4:16 PM

The difference is married or single, she's an adult with a child and should be taking care of them not her parents. I've seen teenage girls get pregnant and take more responsiblity for their child. Then again, I've seen women get pregnant with their children and depend on their parents to foot the bill when it comes to them and their children. It's just lazy and irresponsible. My partner and I don't go around having our parents pay for all the stuff our child needs and spend our income all on frivoulous items and trips for ourselves. We work hard to have money for our child and ourselves.  We don't expect our parents to foot the bill for our child. That's not any different than getting child support from an ex. If she wants to have money for herself and her child. She needs to get a job and stop being lazy and irresponsible she's a grown woman. 

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

It all comes down to a matter of ethics. Yes it's not technically illegal what she's doing. Guess some people have a better sense of ethics than others.

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

Child Support is pretty clear on what it means. . . support for the child. If a person wanted to not work and get money from ex boyfriend/spouse/partner then they should ask for alimony not child support. She should be using that support for her child and if you want to give her money to go shopping or spend money on herself instead of making her work for it then that's your choice. Though if you're the one supporting her child that money should be going to you not to the mother. It's bad parenting and cheating the system when people abuse child support. 

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

If all the child support is going to the frivoulus spending of the mother and not the child, then they shouldn't be getting government issued child support (i don't mean money from government I just mean they are forcing someone to pay child support). You wouldn't want someone getting unemployment and being too lazy to look for a job. Either situation is just abusing what they're getting and is considered fraud. 

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

I think it does matter. If the woman is living with her parents and they are taking care of the kid financially, then she shouldn't get child support if she's using the majority on herself. I get that if she can't afford childcare so right now she can't get a job or something or etc, stuff happens. However, if she's just the majority of the cs for herself and just not getting a job out of laziness and her parents are footing the bill for her kid, then yes she needs to have the cs revoke. Now I don't know if this is the situation, but if it is that is what I think.

No, that is not right. If I choose to have my child live with me and pay their bills, they should be allowed to get support.  If I did this, it would be because I would like for them to be home with their child(ren).

We did not want my stepdaughter's mother working but she is a human dynamo and could not sit home if she wanted to.

As long as the child has a roof over their heads and food in their bellies, it is not really anyone else's business what is done with money.  It is to take care of the child and that is what he/she is doing.


No, it's not. 

Let's do it this way.

My daughter and her husband buy a car. They divorce but she still has to pay half the payment and so does he. If I pay her half, that does not mean he does not owe. He still has to pay that payment.

If I pay all of the payment, he STILL owes that payment.

I hate to put it that way but that is just the way it is.


How is she abusing child support? She is doing what she is supposed to be doing. Her child is taken care of. If the dude wants off without paying, let his parents pay in for him. I am paying her part.

As long as she is not lying and saying she makes more or less than she does, she is NOT abusing child support. Child support is not specific about what the living arrangements have to be. All it is for is for the absentee parent to pay their part.


If she were married, her husband would be paying the bills and the absentee parent would still have to pay child support.

What is the difference?


laranadtony
by Ruby Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 6:57 AM


Quoting Kazoo22:

The difference is married or single, she's an adult with a child and should be taking care of them not her parents. I've seen teenage girls get pregnant and take more responsiblity for their child. Then again, I've seen women get pregnant with their children and depend on their parents to foot the bill when it comes to them and their children. It's just lazy and irresponsible. My partner and I don't go around having our parents pay for all the stuff our child needs and spend our income all on frivoulous items and trips for ourselves. We work hard to have money for our child and ourselves.  We don't expect our parents to foot the bill for our child. That's not any different than getting child support from an ex. If she wants to have money for herself and her child. She needs to get a job and stop being lazy and irresponsible she's a grown woman. 

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

It all comes down to a matter of ethics. Yes it's not technically illegal what she's doing. Guess some people have a better sense of ethics than others.

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

Child Support is pretty clear on what it means. . . support for the child. If a person wanted to not work and get money from ex boyfriend/spouse/partner then they should ask for alimony not child support. She should be using that support for her child and if you want to give her money to go shopping or spend money on herself instead of making her work for it then that's your choice. Though if you're the one supporting her child that money should be going to you not to the mother. It's bad parenting and cheating the system when people abuse child support. 

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

If all the child support is going to the frivoulus spending of the mother and not the child, then they shouldn't be getting government issued child support (i don't mean money from government I just mean they are forcing someone to pay child support). You wouldn't want someone getting unemployment and being too lazy to look for a job. Either situation is just abusing what they're getting and is considered fraud. 

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

I think it does matter. If the woman is living with her parents and they are taking care of the kid financially, then she shouldn't get child support if she's using the majority on herself. I get that if she can't afford childcare so right now she can't get a job or something or etc, stuff happens. However, if she's just the majority of the cs for herself and just not getting a job out of laziness and her parents are footing the bill for her kid, then yes she needs to have the cs revoke. Now I don't know if this is the situation, but if it is that is what I think.

No, that is not right. If I choose to have my child live with me and pay their bills, they should be allowed to get support.  If I did this, it would be because I would like for them to be home with their child(ren).

We did not want my stepdaughter's mother working but she is a human dynamo and could not sit home if she wanted to.

As long as the child has a roof over their heads and food in their bellies, it is not really anyone else's business what is done with money.  It is to take care of the child and that is what he/she is doing.


No, it's not. 

Let's do it this way.

My daughter and her husband buy a car. They divorce but she still has to pay half the payment and so does he. If I pay her half, that does not mean he does not owe. He still has to pay that payment.

If I pay all of the payment, he STILL owes that payment.

I hate to put it that way but that is just the way it is.


How is she abusing child support? She is doing what she is supposed to be doing. Her child is taken care of. If the dude wants off without paying, let his parents pay in for him. I am paying her part.

As long as she is not lying and saying she makes more or less than she does, she is NOT abusing child support. Child support is not specific about what the living arrangements have to be. All it is for is for the absentee parent to pay their part.


If she were married, her husband would be paying the bills and the absentee parent would still have to pay child support.

What is the difference?


I don't know what all that was about but can you answer mu question?

What is the difference in her husband paying all the bills while she collect child support and her parents paying all the bills while she collects child support?

Don't sweat the petty things;Don't pet the sweaty things!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 31 on Feb. 7, 2013 at 7:08 AM
I hear you... BM in our situation did the same thing. She has NEVER worked since she had SD over 5 years ago. When her and DH divorced she still didn't feel the need to work because she used CS as her income. She collects fs, wic, tanf (she claimed she disnt know who the father of #2 is- even though she knows- its some douche) and welfare and now lives with her parents. She's pregnant with baby number 3 and baby number 2 isn't even a year old.



Before she lost custody of SD, it used to drive DH nuts to pay 600$ a month for nothing because he paid for daycare, clothes etc for SD while she ran wild. She didnt use it for rent because she was sued for rent and evicted... She now wants SD back but still refuses to work. DH has told her that if she wants SD back, she needs to get and hold down a job, have an apartment and a means of transportation. Has she done anything towards that? No. But she's hell bent on having SD start school with her two states away. Why? Because she wants the CS. SD only sees her a couple of times a year because she can't be bothered 99% of the time... But that 1% she just wants to put on a show. Smh.



Ill never understand having zero motivation to better yourself, especially when you have little ones to care for... But it's made way to easy not to these days.

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't agree with the parent recieveing CS sitting on their ass at their parents house not trying to get a job or paying any bills to recieve a shit ton of money. I mean getting CS and welfare not trying to work because she can use CS for vactations or go to the salon and shit. I think it should just be used for the kids period. I just don't think its fair for a parent to work their ass off to provide while the other parent does nothing.


Update- This is why I feel this way and what my situation is BM for the past year lost yet another job(was fired again)then had another baby with a parolee who is back in jail for another 15-20years gets a ton of CS from DH collects unemployment sits on her ass all day but puts her kids in daycare for 8+ hours for no reason and collects FS. I mean come on she lives at home with her parents does not pay one bill DH buys everything SD needs on top of CS. She brings in more money a month with all this than DH and I both do. We buy her everything because she refuses to she always sends her unbathed and in really nasty clothes. We have tried getting custody but everytime she ends up pulling a miracle to keep her. That is why I feel this way

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Kazoo22
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:10 AM

The difference is that as a married couple they are agreeing to live that life together as a couple, as adults. If they both decide that she can stay home and he works and pays bills it's because they decided it together as a couple, as adults. By paying all of your daughter's expenses including those of her son do you feel that you're really passing on a message of financial responsibility? If you're paying all her bills simply because she's lazy you're not doing your daughter any favors. How is she going to learn to be an adult. Being an adult whether in a couple, or single isn't just about an age. They need to grow up and take responsibility for themselves and their children (if they have children). Adults do not depend upon parents psychologically, emotionally, or financially. If you're daughter wanted a care-free life without the responsibility of a child she should have given the child up for adoption or just let you adopt them.

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

The difference is married or single, she's an adult with a child and should be taking care of them not her parents. I've seen teenage girls get pregnant and take more responsiblity for their child. Then again, I've seen women get pregnant with their children and depend on their parents to foot the bill when it comes to them and their children. It's just lazy and irresponsible. My partner and I don't go around having our parents pay for all the stuff our child needs and spend our income all on frivoulous items and trips for ourselves. We work hard to have money for our child and ourselves.  We don't expect our parents to foot the bill for our child. That's not any different than getting child support from an ex. If she wants to have money for herself and her child. She needs to get a job and stop being lazy and irresponsible she's a grown woman. 

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

It all comes down to a matter of ethics. Yes it's not technically illegal what she's doing. Guess some people have a better sense of ethics than others.

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

Child Support is pretty clear on what it means. . . support for the child. If a person wanted to not work and get money from ex boyfriend/spouse/partner then they should ask for alimony not child support. She should be using that support for her child and if you want to give her money to go shopping or spend money on herself instead of making her work for it then that's your choice. Though if you're the one supporting her child that money should be going to you not to the mother. It's bad parenting and cheating the system when people abuse child support. 

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

If all the child support is going to the frivoulus spending of the mother and not the child, then they shouldn't be getting government issued child support (i don't mean money from government I just mean they are forcing someone to pay child support). You wouldn't want someone getting unemployment and being too lazy to look for a job. Either situation is just abusing what they're getting and is considered fraud. 

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

I think it does matter. If the woman is living with her parents and they are taking care of the kid financially, then she shouldn't get child support if she's using the majority on herself. I get that if she can't afford childcare so right now she can't get a job or something or etc, stuff happens. However, if she's just the majority of the cs for herself and just not getting a job out of laziness and her parents are footing the bill for her kid, then yes she needs to have the cs revoke. Now I don't know if this is the situation, but if it is that is what I think.

No, that is not right. If I choose to have my child live with me and pay their bills, they should be allowed to get support.  If I did this, it would be because I would like for them to be home with their child(ren).

We did not want my stepdaughter's mother working but she is a human dynamo and could not sit home if she wanted to.

As long as the child has a roof over their heads and food in their bellies, it is not really anyone else's business what is done with money.  It is to take care of the child and that is what he/she is doing.


No, it's not. 

Let's do it this way.

My daughter and her husband buy a car. They divorce but she still has to pay half the payment and so does he. If I pay her half, that does not mean he does not owe. He still has to pay that payment.

If I pay all of the payment, he STILL owes that payment.

I hate to put it that way but that is just the way it is.


How is she abusing child support? She is doing what she is supposed to be doing. Her child is taken care of. If the dude wants off without paying, let his parents pay in for him. I am paying her part.

As long as she is not lying and saying she makes more or less than she does, she is NOT abusing child support. Child support is not specific about what the living arrangements have to be. All it is for is for the absentee parent to pay their part.


If she were married, her husband would be paying the bills and the absentee parent would still have to pay child support.

What is the difference?


I don't know what all that was about but can you answer mu question?

What is the difference in her husband paying all the bills while she collect child support and her parents paying all the bills while she collects child support?


laranadtony
by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:19 AM


Quoting Kazoo22:

The difference is that as a married couple they are agreeing to live that life together as a couple, as adults. If they both decide that she can stay home and he works and pays bills it's because they decided it together as a couple, as adults. By paying all of your daughter's expenses including those of her son do you feel that you're really passing on a message of financial responsibility? If you're paying all her bills simply because she's lazy you're not doing your daughter any favors. How is she going to learn to be an adult. Being an adult whether in a couple, or single isn't just about an age. They need to grow up and take responsibility for themselves and their children (if they have children). Adults do not depend upon parents psychologically, emotionally, or financially. If you're daughter wanted a care-free life without the responsibility of a child she should have given the child up for adoption or just let you adopt them.

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

The difference is married or single, she's an adult with a child and should be taking care of them not her parents. I've seen teenage girls get pregnant and take more responsiblity for their child. Then again, I've seen women get pregnant with their children and depend on their parents to foot the bill when it comes to them and their children. It's just lazy and irresponsible. My partner and I don't go around having our parents pay for all the stuff our child needs and spend our income all on frivoulous items and trips for ourselves. We work hard to have money for our child and ourselves.  We don't expect our parents to foot the bill for our child. That's not any different than getting child support from an ex. If she wants to have money for herself and her child. She needs to get a job and stop being lazy and irresponsible she's a grown woman. 

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

It all comes down to a matter of ethics. Yes it's not technically illegal what she's doing. Guess some people have a better sense of ethics than others.

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

Child Support is pretty clear on what it means. . . support for the child. If a person wanted to not work and get money from ex boyfriend/spouse/partner then they should ask for alimony not child support. She should be using that support for her child and if you want to give her money to go shopping or spend money on herself instead of making her work for it then that's your choice. Though if you're the one supporting her child that money should be going to you not to the mother. It's bad parenting and cheating the system when people abuse child support. 

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

If all the child support is going to the frivoulus spending of the mother and not the child, then they shouldn't be getting government issued child support (i don't mean money from government I just mean they are forcing someone to pay child support). You wouldn't want someone getting unemployment and being too lazy to look for a job. Either situation is just abusing what they're getting and is considered fraud. 

Quoting laranadtony:


Quoting Kazoo22:

I think it does matter. If the woman is living with her parents and they are taking care of the kid financially, then she shouldn't get child support if she's using the majority on herself. I get that if she can't afford childcare so right now she can't get a job or something or etc, stuff happens. However, if she's just the majority of the cs for herself and just not getting a job out of laziness and her parents are footing the bill for her kid, then yes she needs to have the cs revoke. Now I don't know if this is the situation, but if it is that is what I think.

No, that is not right. If I choose to have my child live with me and pay their bills, they should be allowed to get support.  If I did this, it would be because I would like for them to be home with their child(ren).

We did not want my stepdaughter's mother working but she is a human dynamo and could not sit home if she wanted to.

As long as the child has a roof over their heads and food in their bellies, it is not really anyone else's business what is done with money.  It is to take care of the child and that is what he/she is doing.


No, it's not. 

Let's do it this way.

My daughter and her husband buy a car. They divorce but she still has to pay half the payment and so does he. If I pay her half, that does not mean he does not owe. He still has to pay that payment.

If I pay all of the payment, he STILL owes that payment.

I hate to put it that way but that is just the way it is.


How is she abusing child support? She is doing what she is supposed to be doing. Her child is taken care of. If the dude wants off without paying, let his parents pay in for him. I am paying her part.

As long as she is not lying and saying she makes more or less than she does, she is NOT abusing child support. Child support is not specific about what the living arrangements have to be. All it is for is for the absentee parent to pay their part.


If she were married, her husband would be paying the bills and the absentee parent would still have to pay child support.

What is the difference?


I don't know what all that was about but can you answer mu question?

What is the difference in her husband paying all the bills while she collect child support and her parents paying all the bills while she collects child support?


It is no different than if she stayed with me and  we agreed she needed to be home with her child. Raising a child is a full time job if you are doing it right.

So, if she stays at home living with me because that is what we both want, she is lazy but if she does the same thing with a husband, she is not. That makes absolutely no sense. 

Does her husband allowing her to stay home teach her any responsibility?

Don't sweat the petty things;Don't pet the sweaty things!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)