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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I'm going crazy- SO makes it impossible to sleep

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SO and I have been together almost three years, lived together for two. The last six months have been a wreck when it comes to bedtime. I am not necessarily a light sleeper but his sleep habits keep me up. I end up sleeping on the couch a lot after being woken up by being kicked, pushed, elbowed, or snored out of bed. He often takes offense to the fact that I leave the room. He feels hurt but I am hurting from not getting sleep. While I love cuddling before we fall asleep, he runs at about 500 degrees and sweats a lot. I wake up drenched and end up changing clothes in the middle of the night.



Tonight was considerably worse because I have been sick. I have that horrible flu that is going around and my asthma is acting up. Went to the doctor and I am now on steroids and Tylenol with codeine just so I can get a few hours of sleep after being woken up constantly from asthma attacks the last two nights.



I finally felt restful enough to sleep. I relaxed, dozed off, and then I get an elbow in the back. Then he starts snoring. Then he kicked all the blankets off and rolled on top of them. I got up because otherwise I was going to freak out. I am close to tears because I've told him his sleep problems are just that- a problem. He seems to believe I just don't want to sleep with him. He's right but for the wrong reason.



I'm sorry this is so long or on the wrong board but I needed to vent. It has been a long month and not getting sleep is putting me over the edge.

Update: SO got up this morning and was pretty rude. :-\ I had just fallen asleep on the couch and woke up to him banging cupboards and slamming drawers. I told him I was having a hard time breathing and needed space but his reply was "I'm getting sick too, now." I gave suggestions to help him kick it since he is healthy without extra shit to add to it- like I have severe asthma so it gets worse whenever I'm sick. Then I told him we need a bigger bed and he got all snippy and said he knows, I want a California King. Which I have never said. So I said, No just a queen, like the one we slept in at this hotel. And he snapped and told me he was just kidding.

I officially got three hours of sleep due to our sleeping issues with each other. He got eight. I'm sleeping on the couch from now on until I buy a bigger bed.
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by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:12 AM
Replies (41-49):
bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Jan. 11, 2013 at 2:29 AM

icky. we have the bed against a wall because I dream that I fall off the bed (I don't fall of mountains or airplanes, I fall out of the bed) and the only way to not get that lovely nightmare is to sleep against the wall. we also have a head board that I house my glasses, a lamp, several books, and my phone on. that is why I suggested it :)

Quoting ManicAttack:

Both sides are accessible. It was a condition I had. He likes the bed against the wall and at first that's how it was but he won't sleep against the wall because he needs his phone near him and I hate climbing over him. No thank you!

He is a heavy sleeper. Especially lately after going to the gym. He doesn't seem to notice at ALL that he is on top of me. Its only half of his body- he will fall asleep on his side then go to roll on his back and sprawls across me.


Quoting bustybee:

thats why dh and I have the pillow barrier. luckily it stops him from coming to close. I think his intention is to 'cuddle' in his sleep but I like my 'half' of hte bed lol. I read this to dh and even he wonders how your so doesn't feel you underneath him when he rolls on top of you. I really do hope the video taping works. is one end up against the wall or are both sides accessable? I was thinking that maybe if he is on hte wall side, then he can cuddle up to hte wall and maybe try to roll onto it rather than you kwim?


Quoting ManicAttack:

When he elbows me, I shove him away. He will move. But when he rolls over on me, it's impossible to get him to move back to his side. I have to push him off and then he flops right back down so I have to move away and onto the couch. It's weird that me pushing him and shoving him doesn't wake him up but getting out of bed disturbs him. He'll often times get up shortly after I do and use the bathroom. But he can fall right back to sleep- I can't!



Quoting bustybee:


my left arm has gotten pretty good at shoving him awake to tell him to roll over. and if that doesn't work, I'm allowed to pinch his nose to wake him lol.



we are not snugglers either, and we even have our own blankets lol. dh is pretty good though, if I can't sleep with his snoring he would be willing to be the one to suffer on the couch than make me :)



Quoting Irenesmommy:



I too have a king sized bed, we aren't snugglers so that's good, but no amount of space can tune out snoring



Quoting bustybee:



sigh. that is unfortunate for you. it is my favorite thing. my next recommendation would be to video tape the 2 of you sleeping and showing him how active of a sleeper he is.



Quoting ManicAttack:

Our room isn't big enough for a king size but I'm seriously considering getting a queen with tax returns. We are not well to do and planned on getting long put off things done but I think a better sleeping arrangement might be a priority now. Just means I'll have to add reorganizing the bedroom to the list so I can fit a queen in it.




Quoting bustybee:



I have a king size bed.... I love having my half. we have a body pillow divider. so nice :)




 






 



 



melakay1981
by Platinum Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 2:34 AM

My husband does the snoring crap too and it drives me insane.  One night it was 6am and I had still not fallen asleep yet due to his snoring.  I got so angry, my blood was boiling so bad I shoved him and told him to roll the hell back over, every time I would start to fall asleep he would roll back on his back and start snoring again.  He yells "I was not snoring, stop waking me up"  I replied "If you are not snoring you are growling and we are going to have to have you put to sleep"  I then went and slept on the couch.

Quoting Irenesmommy:

My husband and dd have a conspiracy to never let me sleep I swear. I've spent more nights on the couch or dd's bed because of snoring, talking in his sleep, kicking. I've begged him to go have a sleep study done because he literally sounds like he is dying when he snores. His response is "well you snore too" yeah I'll admit it, I have allergies and some nights I snore. I don't however snarl like a rabid bear, stop breathing then gurgle awake only to do it all over again.


Nicky2911
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 2:42 AM
1 mom liked this

LMFAO! Its not funny because you're losing so much sleep but... it is rather funny. :) That and it describes my SO perfectly.

Quoting Irenesmommy:

My husband and dd have a conspiracy to never let me sleep I swear. I've spent more nights on the couch or dd's bed because of snoring, talking in his sleep, kicking. I've begged him to go have a sleep study done because he literally sounds like he is dying when he snores. His response is "well you snore too" yeah I'll admit it, I have allergies and some nights I snore. I don't however snarl like a rabid bear, stop breathing then gurgle awake only to do it all over again.


ManicAttack
by Bronze Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 5:18 AM
I wouldn't mind the headboard but he won't sleep next to a wall. Although he rarely gets up at night, like me. I'm bed shopping this morning. Its a decent starting place.


Quoting bustybee:

icky. we have the bed against a wall because I dream that I fall off the bed (I don't fall of mountains or airplanes, I fall out of the bed) and the only way to not get that lovely nightmare is to sleep against the wall. we also have a head board that I house my glasses, a lamp, several books, and my phone on. that is why I suggested it :)


Quoting ManicAttack:

Both sides are accessible. It was a condition I had. He likes the bed against the wall and at first that's how it was but he won't sleep against the wall because he needs his phone near him and I hate climbing over him. No thank you!

He is a heavy sleeper. Especially lately after going to the gym. He doesn't seem to notice at ALL that he is on top of me. Its only half of his body- he will fall asleep on his side then go to roll on his back and sprawls across me.



Quoting bustybee:


thats why dh and I have the pillow barrier. luckily it stops him from coming to close. I think his intention is to 'cuddle' in his sleep but I like my 'half' of hte bed lol. I read this to dh and even he wonders how your so doesn't feel you underneath him when he rolls on top of you. I really do hope the video taping works. is one end up against the wall or are both sides accessable? I was thinking that maybe if he is on hte wall side, then he can cuddle up to hte wall and maybe try to roll onto it rather than you kwim?



Quoting ManicAttack:

When he elbows me, I shove him away. He will move. But when he rolls over on me, it's impossible to get him to move back to his side. I have to push him off and then he flops right back down so I have to move away and onto the couch. It's weird that me pushing him and shoving him doesn't wake him up but getting out of bed disturbs him. He'll often times get up shortly after I do and use the bathroom. But he can fall right back to sleep- I can't!




Quoting bustybee:



my left arm has gotten pretty good at shoving him awake to tell him to roll over. and if that doesn't work, I'm allowed to pinch his nose to wake him lol.




we are not snugglers either, and we even have our own blankets lol. dh is pretty good though, if I can't sleep with his snoring he would be willing to be the one to suffer on the couch than make me :)




Quoting Irenesmommy:




I too have a king sized bed, we aren't snugglers so that's good, but no amount of space can tune out snoring




Quoting bustybee:




sigh. that is unfortunate for you. it is my favorite thing. my next recommendation would be to video tape the 2 of you sleeping and showing him how active of a sleeper he is.




Quoting ManicAttack:

Our room isn't big enough for a king size but I'm seriously considering getting a queen with tax returns. We are not well to do and planned on getting long put off things done but I think a better sleeping arrangement might be a priority now. Just means I'll have to add reorganizing the bedroom to the list so I can fit a queen in it.





Quoting bustybee:




I have a king size bed.... I love having my half. we have a body pillow divider. so nice :)





 








 




 





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BelleVernonGirl
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 5:29 AM
1 mom liked this

He knows you have the flu but felt the need to bang around and wake you...so no he doesn't give a shit about you...Smell the coffee baby!!!

Quoting ManicAttack:

He believes me but he only apologizes. Then expects us to sleep together and things to be fine. I have brought up to him that his sleep patterns aren't normal, because of all his movement. I'm beginning to believe he doesn't care if I don't get sleep. He hasn't offered to see a doctor. I think I'm going to suggest it this weekend.

He also suffers from depression and anxiety so his sensitivity to being "blamed" for anything is high. Also an issue we are working on.


Quoting sheymann:

Does he not believe that his beats you up in his sleep?



ManicAttack
by Bronze Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 6:21 AM
He is convinced that I don't WANT to sleep with him. As I said we are working on the sensitivity and all of that. We've established already that he self-pities a lot, and is passive aggressive. I yell, he slams shit and mutters under his breath. Working on that. The sleeping issue is just adding to it.


Quoting BelleVernonGirl:

He knows you have the flu but felt the need to bang around and wake you...so no he doesn't give a shit about you...Smell the coffee baby!!!


Quoting ManicAttack:

He believes me but he only apologizes. Then expects us to sleep together and things to be fine. I have brought up to him that his sleep patterns aren't normal, because of all his movement. I'm beginning to believe he doesn't care if I don't get sleep. He hasn't offered to see a doctor. I think I'm going to suggest it this weekend.

He also suffers from depression and anxiety so his sensitivity to being "blamed" for anything is high. Also an issue we are working on.



Quoting sheymann:


Does he not believe that his beats you up in his sleep?





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Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 11, 2013 at 6:24 AM
1 mom liked this

is that how you want to live for the rest of your life with this guy? get used to it now, because him and his attitude won't change.....i feel sorry for you if you are going to 'settle' for something degrading like that...

Bknotnobody
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 6:28 AM
Yikes that sounds like apnea!

I'd be making him an appt. stuff like that isn't something to mess around with.

However I am no doctor. I just know people with sleep apnea. So take it with a grain of salt if you will.

Op buying a bigger bed will probably just bandaid your sleep dilemma.
However it might not. If it does though, get his butt to a doctor! Or get separate twin beds lol.


Quoting Irenesmommy:

My husband and dd have a conspiracy to never let me sleep I swear. I've spent more nights on the couch or dd's bed because of snoring, talking in his sleep, kicking. I've begged him to go have a sleep study done because he literally sounds like he is dying when he snores. His response is "well you snore too" yeah I'll admit it, I have allergies and some nights I snore. I don't however snarl like a rabid bear, stop breathing then gurgle awake only to do it all over again.

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ManicAttack
by Bronze Member on Jan. 12, 2013 at 12:27 AM
I am going to be as polite as I can when I say this.

I have already said we are working on our issues. They are not going to resolve themselves overnight. I have my flaws too, so he is hardly the only one to blame. Do not feel sorry for me, unless it is only because I am sick. I love my boyfriend and am committed to him. You do not toss out a relationship just because you hit a rough patch. They take work. And since his attitude wasn't always like this, there's something causing him to act this way, which can be found and helped. Thank you Dr. Phil for your two cents. Kindly dismissed.


Quoting Anonymous:

is that how you want to live for the rest of your life with this guy? get used to it now, because him and his attitude won't change.....i feel sorry for you if you are going to 'settle' for something degrading like that...


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