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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I'm going crazy- SO makes it impossible to sleep

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SO and I have been together almost three years, lived together for two. The last six months have been a wreck when it comes to bedtime. I am not necessarily a light sleeper but his sleep habits keep me up. I end up sleeping on the couch a lot after being woken up by being kicked, pushed, elbowed, or snored out of bed. He often takes offense to the fact that I leave the room. He feels hurt but I am hurting from not getting sleep. While I love cuddling before we fall asleep, he runs at about 500 degrees and sweats a lot. I wake up drenched and end up changing clothes in the middle of the night.



Tonight was considerably worse because I have been sick. I have that horrible flu that is going around and my asthma is acting up. Went to the doctor and I am now on steroids and Tylenol with codeine just so I can get a few hours of sleep after being woken up constantly from asthma attacks the last two nights.



I finally felt restful enough to sleep. I relaxed, dozed off, and then I get an elbow in the back. Then he starts snoring. Then he kicked all the blankets off and rolled on top of them. I got up because otherwise I was going to freak out. I am close to tears because I've told him his sleep problems are just that- a problem. He seems to believe I just don't want to sleep with him. He's right but for the wrong reason.



I'm sorry this is so long or on the wrong board but I needed to vent. It has been a long month and not getting sleep is putting me over the edge.

Update: SO got up this morning and was pretty rude. :-\ I had just fallen asleep on the couch and woke up to him banging cupboards and slamming drawers. I told him I was having a hard time breathing and needed space but his reply was "I'm getting sick too, now." I gave suggestions to help him kick it since he is healthy without extra shit to add to it- like I have severe asthma so it gets worse whenever I'm sick. Then I told him we need a bigger bed and he got all snippy and said he knows, I want a California King. Which I have never said. So I said, No just a queen, like the one we slept in at this hotel. And he snapped and told me he was just kidding.

I officially got three hours of sleep due to our sleeping issues with each other. He got eight. I'm sleeping on the couch from now on until I buy a bigger bed.
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by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:12 AM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:50 AM
1 mom liked this

Mine snores. Now, I've had two husbands and one domestic partner which lasted a decade. I've had lovers that lasted a few paltry years, too, sharing my bed. I have heard loud snoring in my day. But this husband snores louder than you'd think was humanly possible. He can drown out a motorcycle running outside our window. He can make the dogs down the street howl and bark. This man snores like a freight train.

And when I spend the night someplace else (to babysit grandchildren, etc.) I simply cannot sleep because I miss that dear old fart snoring away beside me in bed.

Irenesmommy
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:51 AM
1 mom liked this

we've talked about getting a bed in the spare room, I need my space and my sleep. I'm actually excited that dd is camping out in the living room and I get to sleep in her bed tonight because he is sick...if I thought his noises were bad when he is healthy oy 

Quoting ManicAttack:

I snore too. Asthma, allergies, a little chubby- bound to happen. Not recently nor near enough to keep him up at night though. Plus I actually try to fix it. Use nasal strips, sleep on my side, etc.

It's also proven that men sleep better with women, where as women sleep better alone. Men crave the closeness all throughout the night. Women tend to roll away and want their own space.

I work two night audit shifts a week and I sleep better during those odd days in the sunlight and daytime noise and alone than I do at night with him.


Quoting Irenesmommy:

My husband and dd have a conspiracy to never let me sleep I swear. I've spent more nights on the couch or dd's bed because of snoring, talking in his sleep, kicking. I've begged him to go have a sleep study done because he literally sounds like he is dying when he snores. His response is "well you snore too" yeah I'll admit it, I have allergies and some nights I snore. I don't however snarl like a rabid bear, stop breathing then gurgle awake only to do it all over again.



bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:52 AM

awesome :) I read dh my previous comment and he didn't realize that he had given me permission to pinch his nose. the look on his face, omg, I should have told him sooner. lol

Quoting Irenesmommy:

I've perfected the annoyed roll over, that usually does the trick LOL

Quoting bustybee:

my left arm has gotten pretty good at shoving him awake to tell him to roll over. and if that doesn't work, I'm allowed to pinch his nose to wake him lol.

we are not snugglers either, and we even have our own blankets lol. dh is pretty good though, if I can't sleep with his snoring he would be willing to be the one to suffer on the couch than make me :)

Quoting Irenesmommy:

I too have a king sized bed, we aren't snugglers so that's good, but no amount of space can tune out snoring

Quoting bustybee:

sigh. that is unfortunate for you. it is my favorite thing. my next recommendation would be to video tape the 2 of you sleeping and showing him how active of a sleeper he is.

Quoting ManicAttack:

Our room isn't big enough for a king size but I'm seriously considering getting a queen with tax returns. We are not well to do and planned on getting long put off things done but I think a better sleeping arrangement might be a priority now. Just means I'll have to add reorganizing the bedroom to the list so I can fit a queen in it.


Quoting bustybee:

I have a king size bed.... I love having my half. we have a body pillow divider. so nice :)


 


 



Irenesmommy
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:54 AM

it worked so well then we got a tempurpedic now I have to annoy roll over that much harder LOL

Quoting bustybee:

awesome :) I read dh my previous comment and he didn't realize that he had given me permission to pinch his nose. the look on his face, omg, I should have told him sooner. lol

Quoting Irenesmommy:

I've perfected the annoyed roll over, that usually does the trick LOL

Quoting bustybee:

my left arm has gotten pretty good at shoving him awake to tell him to roll over. and if that doesn't work, I'm allowed to pinch his nose to wake him lol.

we are not snugglers either, and we even have our own blankets lol. dh is pretty good though, if I can't sleep with his snoring he would be willing to be the one to suffer on the couch than make me :)

Quoting Irenesmommy:

I too have a king sized bed, we aren't snugglers so that's good, but no amount of space can tune out snoring

Quoting bustybee:

sigh. that is unfortunate for you. it is my favorite thing. my next recommendation would be to video tape the 2 of you sleeping and showing him how active of a sleeper he is.

Quoting ManicAttack:

Our room isn't big enough for a king size but I'm seriously considering getting a queen with tax returns. We are not well to do and planned on getting long put off things done but I think a better sleeping arrangement might be a priority now. Just means I'll have to add reorganizing the bedroom to the list so I can fit a queen in it.


Quoting bustybee:

I have a king size bed.... I love having my half. we have a body pillow divider. so nice :)








ManicAttack
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:55 AM
When he elbows me, I shove him away. He will move. But when he rolls over on me, it's impossible to get him to move back to his side. I have to push him off and then he flops right back down so I have to move away and onto the couch. It's weird that me pushing him and shoving him doesn't wake him up but getting out of bed disturbs him. He'll often times get up shortly after I do and use the bathroom. But he can fall right back to sleep- I can't!


Quoting bustybee:

my left arm has gotten pretty good at shoving him awake to tell him to roll over. and if that doesn't work, I'm allowed to pinch his nose to wake him lol.


we are not snugglers either, and we even have our own blankets lol. dh is pretty good though, if I can't sleep with his snoring he would be willing to be the one to suffer on the couch than make me :)


Quoting Irenesmommy:


I too have a king sized bed, we aren't snugglers so that's good, but no amount of space can tune out snoring


Quoting bustybee:


sigh. that is unfortunate for you. it is my favorite thing. my next recommendation would be to video tape the 2 of you sleeping and showing him how active of a sleeper he is.


Quoting ManicAttack:

Our room isn't big enough for a king size but I'm seriously considering getting a queen with tax returns. We are not well to do and planned on getting long put off things done but I think a better sleeping arrangement might be a priority now. Just means I'll have to add reorganizing the bedroom to the list so I can fit a queen in it.



Quoting bustybee:


I have a king size bed.... I love having my half. we have a body pillow divider. so nice :)



 






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Nolanzo
by Silver Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:58 AM
1 mom liked this
My SO was very offended that I got out of bed in the middle of the night... It caused quite a few tiffs until he put two and two together that no sleep causes me to act like a crazy bitch the following day.

I now have the liberty to sleep wherever I damn well please if he wants to avoid the wrath :)

...and to combat the snoring aspect, ear plugs are your friend :)
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
sheymann
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 2:02 AM

A lot of his problems may be tied together. I hope he's willing to try and figure this out. Make sure you tell him that you want this to change so that you CAN sleep together.

Quoting ManicAttack:

He believes me but he only apologizes. Then expects us to sleep together and things to be fine. I have brought up to him that his sleep patterns aren't normal, because of all his movement. I'm beginning to believe he doesn't care if I don't get sleep. He hasn't offered to see a doctor. I think I'm going to suggest it this weekend.

He also suffers from depression and anxiety so his sensitivity to being "blamed" for anything is high. Also an issue we are working on.


Quoting sheymann:

Does he not believe that his beats you up in his sleep?



Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 2:02 AM

You do realize that a full size mattress (double) is the width of 2 crib mattresses, right?  A king is the size of two twin mattresses.  We had a queen for years, and got a king a few years ago - the difference is amazing.  I can't stand to have anyone touching me while I'm sleeping.

Is your husband overweight?  That can cause some of the overheating issues.  And alcohol and nicotine can also cause sleeping issues.  Is the bedroom too hot?  It may very well be simply a case of not enough room - hence a bigger mattress.  We won't even get a hotel room - even for one night - with less than a queen.  And we search hard for a king!

ManicAttack
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 2:04 AM
Lol. Reminds me of my step dad. I could hear him through four walls and down a hallway. Horrible. He and my mom have slept separately for years and have been together 22 years. He knows how loud he snores though. He's caught himself so he doesn't take offense to my mom being like, "You sound like a pig with a deviated septum being branded in his sleep."

My SO would not be so accepting.


Quoting Irenesmommy:

we've talked about getting a bed in the spare room, I need my space and my sleep. I'm actually excited that dd is camping out in the living room and I get to sleep in her bed tonight because he is sick...if I thought his noises were bad when he is healthy oy 

Quoting ManicAttack:

I snore too. Asthma, allergies, a little chubby- bound to happen. Not recently nor near enough to keep him up at night though. Plus I actually try to fix it. Use nasal strips, sleep on my side, etc.



It's also proven that men sleep better with women, where as women sleep better alone. Men crave the closeness all throughout the night. Women tend to roll away and want their own space.



I work two night audit shifts a week and I sleep better during those odd days in the sunlight and daytime noise and alone than I do at night with him.





Quoting Irenesmommy:

My husband and dd have a conspiracy to never let me sleep I swear. I've spent more nights on the couch or dd's bed because of snoring, talking in his sleep, kicking. I've begged him to go have a sleep study done because he literally sounds like he is dying when he snores. His response is "well you snore too" yeah I'll admit it, I have allergies and some nights I snore. I don't however snarl like a rabid bear, stop breathing then gurgle awake only to do it all over again.





Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Jan. 11, 2013 at 2:05 AM

thats why dh and I have the pillow barrier. luckily it stops him from coming to close. I think his intention is to 'cuddle' in his sleep but I like my 'half' of hte bed lol. I read this to dh and even he wonders how your so doesn't feel you underneath him when he rolls on top of you. I really do hope the video taping works. is one end up against the wall or are both sides accessable? I was thinking that maybe if he is on hte wall side, then he can cuddle up to hte wall and maybe try to roll onto it rather than you kwim?

Quoting ManicAttack:

When he elbows me, I shove him away. He will move. But when he rolls over on me, it's impossible to get him to move back to his side. I have to push him off and then he flops right back down so I have to move away and onto the couch. It's weird that me pushing him and shoving him doesn't wake him up but getting out of bed disturbs him. He'll often times get up shortly after I do and use the bathroom. But he can fall right back to sleep- I can't!


Quoting bustybee:

my left arm has gotten pretty good at shoving him awake to tell him to roll over. and if that doesn't work, I'm allowed to pinch his nose to wake him lol.


we are not snugglers either, and we even have our own blankets lol. dh is pretty good though, if I can't sleep with his snoring he would be willing to be the one to suffer on the couch than make me :)


Quoting Irenesmommy:


I too have a king sized bed, we aren't snugglers so that's good, but no amount of space can tune out snoring


Quoting bustybee:


sigh. that is unfortunate for you. it is my favorite thing. my next recommendation would be to video tape the 2 of you sleeping and showing him how active of a sleeper he is.


Quoting ManicAttack:

Our room isn't big enough for a king size but I'm seriously considering getting a queen with tax returns. We are not well to do and planned on getting long put off things done but I think a better sleeping arrangement might be a priority now. Just means I'll have to add reorganizing the bedroom to the list so I can fit a queen in it.



Quoting bustybee:


I have a king size bed.... I love having my half. we have a body pillow divider. so nice :)



 




 



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