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Child support and caring for the kids with update in blue

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post



Question: What do you think?


You shouldn't have to pay CS if they are with you that much

You should still have to pay


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 148

View Results

DH's ex wife has primary custody. He gets them every other weekend and one day (Wednesday) during the week from after school til 7 PM. She recently found out that she will be getting a promotion. She is currently a teacher but starting this summer, she will be the vice principal. Because of this, her pay will go up, meaning that there will be a reduction in child support, it should got from about $935 a month to $423.

As the vice principal, she will be at school 4 days a week during the summer when usually, she would be at home with the kids. Also, instead of getting out most days (except Wednesday, which we had them anyway) at about 3 pm, she will now being staying till 5 on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, getting out at about 3 on Thursday and Friday.

Here is my problem, I am a SAHM I have 2 kids with DH and 2 with my ex (I get a LOT of child support for the two with my ex). When she told DH of the change, she didn't even ASK if I was willing to take them 2 extra days a week after school and during the summer (he works till 5 so he won't even get home until she has picked the kids up so it's not like he is getting extra time with them out of it) she just said "so they will need to be with y'all at those times". This means that on those days I will have to drive to go pick them up since the school they go to is not the school we are zoned for, they can't take the bus. It's about a 30 min drive so we are talking an extra 2 hour drive a week. I will also be expected to drive them to their activities on those days, adding another hour a week to my driving Plus, they will be with me 5 days a week from 7 am till 5 pm on the summer.

Now, I don't mind them being with us, it will take some juggling but it is actually pretty fun. But, I feel like if I am going to be caring for them for that much time, we shouldn't have to pay child support. We can't do it with the court because they only consider overnights and we won't be having them any extra overnights ( and I don't want to ask for that because then I would have to drive them to school in the morning while I am trying to get my other 2 ready for school  two don't go to school yet).

Anyway, when me and DH talked to her and told her that we thought it was only fair that if I am going to be taking them that much extra (and using a lot of extra gas) she should at least be willing to drop the remaining child support amount. She said that they should be welcome over at anytime and that shouldn't affect the child support and mentioned just putting them in child care. DH reminded her that the judge ordered that she will be responsible for all child care payments because during their separation, DH was writing a check in addition to the CS for child care for the kids, only to find out they weren't in child care.

After reading some of the posts (I didn't have time to read all of them) I have made a decision. I am going to tell her that she will get the CS that is owed which once she starts working as the vice principal, it will be lowered anyway for her income. However, if she wants me to watch the kids, she needs to pay me. It is on her time so it is her responsibility to provide child care (remember I posted that their CO states that DH does not have to pay any child care). I will do it for $75 a week during the school year and $100 a week during the summer which is less then the before/after school care programs charge. If she chooses to accept my off, great, if not, then she can put them in before and after school care to pay for it.

HOWEVER, I will offer her a second option. Everytime something comes up with the kids, she tells me I have no say (which is funny since I seem to be the go to babysitter). But I am willing to watch the kids for free IF and only if everytime something comes up with the kids, instead of her and DH deciding with me getting some imput on DH's vote but no vote of my own, I get my own vote, meaning all 3 of us make decisions together. She can't say that I should watch them for free because I am their step mom and should be like a parent to them and in the same breath, tell me that I have no say in their lives.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:08 AM
Replies (11-20):
by Ruby Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:22 AM
4 moms liked this
Really if the kids are suppose to be on HER time, she should be the one making arrangements for them for the hrs she cant be wih them and she shouldnt be making those arrangemnents around your schedule.
Unless you had a sit down and dicussed the issue, she shouldnt be assuming you will watch them for her

And an adjustment will have to be made in CS and since she is getting a raise it should be lowered on your dh side.
And make sure its on paper if the CS is adjusted. Dont do word of mouth pinky swear crap.
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by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:23 AM

That would be up to her however, the child care amount would eat up most of the child support. It's $45 a week per kid

Quoting Anonymous:

Have her put them in child care . Problem solved. She gets her cs and your expenses don't go up

by Ruby Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:23 AM
I've no idea. I can't even get my ex to pay child support.

Good luck.
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by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:23 AM

Those poor kids. Maybe she has a teen in her neighborhood? 

Quoting Anonymous:

I think that was her plan, to keep them with her at work, but she was specifically told that after 3 PM, they can't be with her. She will be in meetings with parents and teachers and can not have the kids with her

Quoting honeyrder:

Dang. She can't just leave them at home. Maybe she could take the kids to work with her.

Quoting Anonymous:

6 and 8

Quoting honeyrder:

How old are her kids?

by Emerald Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:24 AM

You should still pay.  It doesnt matter how much time they spend where, its about each parent having enough money to support the child when they are with them, her amount is going down, which is fair due to her salary increase, but it should not go away altogether. 

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:24 AM

Then during the summer it would more then eat it because the summer program is $85 per week per kid

Quoting Anonymous:

Have her put them in child care . Problem solved. She gets her cs and your expenses don't go up

by Desiree` on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:24 AM
2 moms liked this

 This is something a judge should be deciding, not the step-mother.

by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:26 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree with you. CS is for the care of the children. If you guys are caring for them, CS should be lowered. We have 50/50 and he pays his ex minimal CS because he makes more money.

If she doesn't want to agree to a CS reduction, I'd tell her you can get them if she'll pay for your gas and a standard babysitting fee. The kids won't be with their dad, so she is using you as free daycare during HER parenting time.
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:26 AM
2 moms liked this
New wives should stop bitching about the ex wife and her kids. (Situations). You married a man with kids and a ex wife. Suck it up.
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by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 11, 2013 at 10:27 AM

why cant she put them in an after school program?

I dont agree that she should recieve no child support though because of the situation. She still has primary custody and needs to cloth and feed them

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