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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

electronics make my kids dumb....

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

We NEVER let the kids get in on our tablets, or more than one episode on TV per week, or the computer (even though my son's first grade teacher at school encourages my son to do about 45 minutes on two different programs once a week. I just won't. He's six.).

They sneak our tablets and cell phones ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Pisses me off. I catch them watching netflix on the tablet like, every day. Or playing a game on my/DH's phone. They don't have any age-appropriate electronics- like a Nintendo DS, or a V-tech or a Leap Frog. No. There is no "age appropriate" screen I am comfortable with. They can learn letters from a workbook, and anything else from me, or school.

My kids are 6, 5 and 3. I see mom's all the time talking about how they use video games and computer time as discipline- or encouragement to be better behaved, or allow them to play for a period of time after the important things are done. 

I let my boys play mario kart on the Wii the other day. I had TONS of school stuff and cleaning and organizing to do, and I thought- okay a few hours, so I can focus without them fighting. 

When it was time to stop for meals, for potty breaks, for ANYTHING... they screamed, threw tantrums, acted like fools and threw me a nasty attitude. Um, no.  Where are my kids?! What happened to order and sanity?!

Then, I told  them to bundle up and head outside. They literally SAT THERE for 30 minutes. They had no idea what to do. The day before, they spent the whole day imagining things, playing super heroes, jumping off ledges and chasing each other with the dogs. Today... nothing. They had like ZERO capacity for imaginative play.

And yes, I blame electronics. When more creative minds create a system that does the imagining FOR them, they'd rather sit in that little world, content to let someone else do the work, and be entertained.

Sorry... not my kids. I'm so mad at myself for letting them play as long as I did. And now the Tablets are going up high every time DH and I are not using them, my cell is staying ON MY PERSONS and the computer screen will be LOCKED when not in use. TV requires permission from BOTH parents, no movies, no TV... no way.

I refuse to have zombies with bad attitudes for children.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 11, 2013 at 12:47 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 11, 2013 at 3:27 PM

No... what I SAID was, I used it for that purpose and I'm totally regretting it.

And then I said that typically, we use it for family time on occasion, and if all other options are completely exhausted. Once or twice a month, on average. I don't consider it evil or bad. Not at all. Just not suitable for my children. Esp not at their age. If you are curious as to what my FULL opinion is, I think it's suitable to teach typing and basic computer navigation starting around 5th grade, and to slowly introduce electronics as they get into middle/high school, but I don't think children younger than that should be using electronics on a daily or even WEEKLY basis. There's no need.

I totally get that your friend is in COLLEGE and uses electronics. I'm in college as well. I take online courses from time to time... clearly I NEED a computer for that. As an adult, technology is something we use all the time and need for effeciency. It's helpful and makes us more productive. But as a child I don't, again, see the purpose.

Computers haven't been around for more than 50 years. Not for general public use anyway. So that's just silly. Thirty years at BEST. Do the math- no one had an at-home computer in the 1960's/1970's....not until the mid 80's and even then they didn't serve a lot of personal use purposes....

I will read your links and get back to you- but I urge you to try a more unbiased search criteria. "video game benefits" are of course, going to bring up the positives. "video game use and children" will bring up a broader spectrum of positives and negatives. Negs outweight the pos. Generally speaking. And there are some strong restrictions on use in order to gain the benefits without the negative fallouts... which generally speaking (again) MOST parents do not do that. They see the "my kid can learn spanish" bullet point and all restrictions and bets are off, per se.

They justify it. But guess what? your kid has the capacity to learn spanish through your instruction as well. The brain ability is there... you just need to explore your child and take time to figure out what they are capable of learning. I find it pathetic to let your child "accidentally" learn something cool from a computer program. I feel like a failure as a parent when my kid learns something new from a cartoon or animated source, instead of from me. My thoughts are "wow... fantastic. So Dora taught you more than me?! Freaking great...". I don't go around bragging about how his leap frog taught him to spell. I'd be embarassed that a machine with no actual intelligence taught my kid more than I did. Esp when clearly, the capacity to understand and learn those things was within my child all along... and I didn't make the effort to pull it out.

Quoting jillbailey26:

It's a simple search.  Just type "video game benefits for children".  Here's a link (pdf) and another link to get you started.  The world is slowly moving towards technology.  A friend of mine is in college and needed an iPad for classes.  It's just how it is and has been going for more than 50 years.

When I said "It SEEMS like you don't let them play that often" I meant video games, movies, TV, etc.  Ya know, because that's what the subject matter is.

So what you're saying is, TV and other electronics are okay to babysit your kids while you enjoy quiet time or while you clean and do school stuff?  Yet any other time it's evil, bad, horrible behavior inducing TV.  Except family time, of course.

Quoting Anonymous:

I'd be interested in seeing this "proof".

Cuz oddly enough, parents have been raising their kids without electronics for hundreds of years... it's not like it's some kind of weird, crazy idea.

Like i don't let them play at all? Is that what you're saying when you said "You don't let them play that often"? They play. They play with each other, toys, books, coloring, workbooks, chores etc.

The last time they watched a movie was.... my son watched "Avatar" two days ago because he got up REALLY early for some reason and since he wouldn't go back to sleep, we opted for quiet time. My daughter and preschooler watched "Cinderella" the day after Christmas... and as a family we watched "Dispicable me the weekend AFTER Christmas.

TV is either a family event, a constructive event, or a rare reward.

We opt for everything EXCEPT TV as long as possible.

Quoting jillbailey26:

It's been proven that moderate screen time with video games or handheld games can be beneficial.  

They threw tantrums and sneak it because you don't have boundaries set up for when they play.  It also seems like you don't let them play that often.

Mine play on the computer for one hour on Friday and another on Saturday.  They earn video game time through the week and they play for up to an hour (depending on grades and behavior) on Friday.  The boys have kindles.  They can play with apps (games) for an hour and reading is unlimited.  They can watch TV whenever they want, however long they want.  

They're not zombies, they CHOOSE to go outside and play.  They'll even stop in the middle of their video game time to go out and play.  And they rarely have bad attitudes.

To me, you're holding them back.  Especially in an age where everything is going digital.  They're your kids though.  It is funny that you blame the electronics though.  They're objects.  I can assure you that the blame is being focused on the wrong thing.




StevieMarie
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 3:28 PM

This. Precisely, this.

Quoting rockin2_manyMOM:

Perhaps the problem came from them not being allowed elwctronics at all then...bam! a lot of electronics time...then nothing.
My kids have nintendo ds (ages 3 and 6) and we have a wii and xbox. Plus they can play on my tablet amd phone here and there. They are allowed limitwd time on the electronics...but they do play with them most days.
And my kids have no problem with creative play. Their imaginations are fantastic. They prefer playing outside. We have no tantrums when electronics time is over.
It is all about balance. Plus you cant outlaw something...and then let them do it...and then outlaw it again. That just creates chaos.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 11, 2013 at 3:28 PM
You're a loon
StevieMarie
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 3:29 PM

Yep, if she removes the taboo, she'll remove the obsession :)

Quoting Anonymous:

You're so perfect yet your kids are alone long enough to sneak a tablet and watch a movie. Riiiight lady. They also know how to work them and get on Netflix....yet you never let them use them.


rebeccab1966
by Gold Member on Jan. 11, 2013 at 3:29 PM

My kids are 10 and 13 and walk around with their Beats headphones on all the time and can't hear me when I speak to them!

StevieMarie
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 3:32 PM

Oh, please! If you wanted to raise your kids without electronics and you thought they were so horrible, you wouldnt have them on hand. Lets be real here. You want control. You want to be dictator mom.

Quoting Anonymous:

Did I say I was perfect? No... but I don't use electronics for them. They can play outside, play with the toys in the basement, read a book, write, color, play with play dough, create something with glue and scissors or do any number of helpful chores and things around the house. I'd much rather be chasing them around the house because they are getting into things, then let them zone out with an electronic item on my couch. The price of trying to keep track of them all day is worth it. I don't always suceed, but I'm not about to give up and squat them in front of a computer/TV all day.

Oddly enough, LOTS of parents for the last 100 years have been raising their kids without electronics. It's not a difficult concept. And I don't see it as a sign of perfection or fantastic parenting. I see it as common sense.

Ya.. they sneak it. At night when everyone is sleeping- or they'll get up earlier than us and grab it then. They never watch an entire movie or TV show before they get caught. I'd say... maybe 5 minutes in or less.

Netflix is really easy. You find the bright red app, touch it, and it opens up. They find what looks colorful and fun, and touch the screen again. SUPER complicated stuff here.

Quoting Anonymous:

You're so perfect yet your kids are alone long enough to sneak a tablet and watch a movie. Riiiight lady. They also know how to work them and get on Netflix....yet you never let them use them.

 


StevieMarie
by on Jan. 11, 2013 at 3:35 PM

Did you just list chores under your list of how they play?

Quoting Anonymous:

I'd be interested in seeing this "proof".

Cuz oddly enough, parents have been raising their kids without electronics for hundreds of years... it's not like it's some kind of weird, crazy idea.

Like i don't let them play at all? Is that what you're saying when you said "You don't let them play that often"? They play. They play with each other, toys, books, coloring, workbooks, chores etc.

The last time they watched a movie was.... my son watched "Avatar" two days ago because he got up REALLY early for some reason and since he wouldn't go back to sleep, we opted for quiet time. My daughter and preschooler watched "Cinderella" the day after Christmas... and as a family we watched "Dispicable me the weekend AFTER Christmas.

TV is either a family event, a constructive event, or a rare reward.

We opt for everything EXCEPT TV as long as possible.

Quoting jillbailey26:

It's been proven that moderate screen time with video games or handheld games can be beneficial.  

They threw tantrums and sneak it because you don't have boundaries set up for when they play.  It also seems like you don't let them play that often.

Mine play on the computer for one hour on Friday and another on Saturday.  They earn video game time through the week and they play for up to an hour (depending on grades and behavior) on Friday.  The boys have kindles.  They can play with apps (games) for an hour and reading is unlimited.  They can watch TV whenever they want, however long they want.  

They're not zombies, they CHOOSE to go outside and play.  They'll even stop in the middle of their video game time to go out and play.  And they rarely have bad attitudes.

To me, you're holding them back.  Especially in an age where everything is going digital.  They're your kids though.  It is funny that you blame the electronics though.  They're objects.  I can assure you that the blame is being focused on the wrong thing.

 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 11, 2013 at 3:35 PM
I don't need to limit their screen time. At the moment I'm comfortable with the amount they choose themselves.
They are both very creative imaginative kids.
My oldest loves art and drawing. My younger is so imaginative. Always in her own little world.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 11, 2013 at 3:46 PM

So I read through first few pages of the first paper, and found it very interesting. I even agree... but I have a few points:
here's what the text said (copied and pasted):
 Videogames can be used as research and/or measurement
tools. Furthermore, as research tools they
have great diversity
 Videogames attract participation by individuals
across many demographic boundaries (e.g., age,
gender, ethnicity, educational status)
 Videogames can assist children in setting goals,
ensuring goal rehearsal, providing feedback, reinforcement,
and maintaining records of behavioural
change
 Videogames can be useful because they allow the
researcher to measure performance on a very wide
variety of tasks, and can be easily changed, standardized
and understood
 Videogames can be used when examining individual
characteristics such as self-esteem, self-concept,
goal-setting and individual differences
 Videogames are fun and stimulating for participants.


So first, the use of the word "CAN" in all of these points. Video games CAN do that, but they don't ALWAYS do that, or CONSISTENTLY do that, and they do not EXCLUSIVELY do that. They are not the ONLY way to do that, either. So whlie they show value, they don't show a "must have" sort of value.

"it appears that very few games on the
commercial market have educational value." this concerns me as well. We let them play but chances are, they aren't playing anything that truly educates them. It's entertainment, not education. And my kids do not NEED video games to be entertained.

Further, the benefits outlined in the PDF article are all based on professionals utilizing video games in an educational manner. Using basic structure, time limits, etc. People who are TRAINED in this kind of thing have a better chance at making it a successful venture. Parents, as a whole, are not educated enough on the time limits and restrictions needed to get those benefits (as I said before). If a mom reads that video games can be helpful, it becomes a free-for-all. Very few parents monitor the amount of time spent daily or weekly using electronic items.

Another thing I question- every study (I'm down to the third page now) includes a child aged 8 or older. MOST of the studies are with adolescents. The benefits are shown in older kids. Not younger. So I don't believe this article is promoting the use of electronics and video games in ALL children. Older ones- which as I said before, I agree with. 5th graders are 9 and 10... the study uses that age group and above. Exactly as I had said, I am okay with. And ONE study so far, has used 8 year olds- 4th grade.

"Adverse effects are likely to be
relatively minor, and temporary, resolving
spontaneously with decreased frequency of
play..."

This is exactly my situation. Adverse effects are TEMPORARY, and are resolved with a decreased frequency of play. My kids temporarily acted like crazies, but by evening time they were back to being the kids I raised.

Quoting jillbailey26:

It's a simple search.  Just type "video game benefits for children".  Here's a link (pdf) and another link to get you started.  The world is slowly moving towards technology.  A friend of mine is in college and needed an iPad for classes.  It's just how it is and has been going for more than 50 years.

When I said "It SEEMS like you don't let them play that often" I meant video games, movies, TV, etc.  Ya know, because that's what the subject matter is.

So what you're saying is, TV and other electronics are okay to babysit your kids while you enjoy quiet time or while you clean and do school stuff?  Yet any other time it's evil, bad, horrible behavior inducing TV.  Except family time, of course.

Quoting Anonymous:

I'd be interested in seeing this "proof".

Cuz oddly enough, parents have been raising their kids without electronics for hundreds of years... it's not like it's some kind of weird, crazy idea.

Like i don't let them play at all? Is that what you're saying when you said "You don't let them play that often"? They play. They play with each other, toys, books, coloring, workbooks, chores etc.

The last time they watched a movie was.... my son watched "Avatar" two days ago because he got up REALLY early for some reason and since he wouldn't go back to sleep, we opted for quiet time. My daughter and preschooler watched "Cinderella" the day after Christmas... and as a family we watched "Dispicable me the weekend AFTER Christmas.

TV is either a family event, a constructive event, or a rare reward.

We opt for everything EXCEPT TV as long as possible.

Quoting jillbailey26:

It's been proven that moderate screen time with video games or handheld games can be beneficial.  

They threw tantrums and sneak it because you don't have boundaries set up for when they play.  It also seems like you don't let them play that often.

Mine play on the computer for one hour on Friday and another on Saturday.  They earn video game time through the week and they play for up to an hour (depending on grades and behavior) on Friday.  The boys have kindles.  They can play with apps (games) for an hour and reading is unlimited.  They can watch TV whenever they want, however long they want.  

They're not zombies, they CHOOSE to go outside and play.  They'll even stop in the middle of their video game time to go out and play.  And they rarely have bad attitudes.

To me, you're holding them back.  Especially in an age where everything is going digital.  They're your kids though.  It is funny that you blame the electronics though.  They're objects.  I can assure you that the blame is being focused on the wrong thing.




Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 11, 2013 at 3:48 PM

yes. My daughter loves to help me fold clothes, unload the dishwasher and all three of them love to cook with me. DD also loves to sweep, and my boys like to use the vacuum on their own. Their "chores" are all geared around things they enjoy doing. Aside from the obligatory clean up of toys and making their beds, chores around here are fun. We blast music and work together.

Quoting StevieMarie:

Did you just list chores under your list of how they play?

Quoting Anonymous:

I'd be interested in seeing this "proof".

Cuz oddly enough, parents have been raising their kids without electronics for hundreds of years... it's not like it's some kind of weird, crazy idea.

Like i don't let them play at all? Is that what you're saying when you said "You don't let them play that often"? They play. They play with each other, toys, books, coloring, workbooks, chores etc.

The last time they watched a movie was.... my son watched "Avatar" two days ago because he got up REALLY early for some reason and since he wouldn't go back to sleep, we opted for quiet time. My daughter and preschooler watched "Cinderella" the day after Christmas... and as a family we watched "Dispicable me the weekend AFTER Christmas.

TV is either a family event, a constructive event, or a rare reward.

We opt for everything EXCEPT TV as long as possible.

Quoting jillbailey26:

It's been proven that moderate screen time with video games or handheld games can be beneficial.  

They threw tantrums and sneak it because you don't have boundaries set up for when they play.  It also seems like you don't let them play that often.

Mine play on the computer for one hour on Friday and another on Saturday.  They earn video game time through the week and they play for up to an hour (depending on grades and behavior) on Friday.  The boys have kindles.  They can play with apps (games) for an hour and reading is unlimited.  They can watch TV whenever they want, however long they want.  

They're not zombies, they CHOOSE to go outside and play.  They'll even stop in the middle of their video game time to go out and play.  And they rarely have bad attitudes.

To me, you're holding them back.  Especially in an age where everything is going digital.  They're your kids though.  It is funny that you blame the electronics though.  They're objects.  I can assure you that the blame is being focused on the wrong thing.




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