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You're a nanny, not a mom.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I've had two girls with previous "nanny" experience tell me how to parent. Two... in the last 6 months or so. Both were single, unattached, no kids of their own. Just full time nanny's for the last few years.

Both of them just KNEW how to be a mom. Why... because being the stand-in parent from 9-5 every day makes you a pro? Ya okay....sure.

And I hear all about "well MY kids are 4 and 2... and when they do that, I just...."

Really? Tell me more about YOUR kids. The ones you labored and delivered and carried for 9 months. Tell me about your late-night diaper changes and breast feeding tales. Tell me more about taking them to visit their grandparents out of state and how fantastic their last Christmas was. Listen lady: those are not YOUR kids. Those are your responsibilities during the day. They are a job, and you are PAID to be patient, flexible and fun.

Back off.


Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 11, 2013 at 12:53 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 11, 2013 at 1:38 PM

My biggest pet peeve is getting unwarranted "advice" about parenting from ppl who don't have kids. I hardly ever find any of it useful.

I listen, just fine. And nod and smile, then say "thanks for the input" but inside, I'm boiling. How you do your JOB and how I raise my kids are two entirely different things.

Quoting lizzie_ann:

Advice is advice and can be good or bad. I wouldn't automatically take someone's advice just because she has 8 kids and I wouldn't automatically disregard someone's advice just because she had no kids of her own. 


nannymcnina
by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 2:58 PM
2 moms liked this

I've been in childcare for a decade now, don't have kids of my own- but know exactly how I want to raise them when I do. I've been in enough households to know what works, what I like, and what I don't.

If I was a dog trainer but wasn't in a place in my life where it was possible to have a dog of my own- would that make my experience, knowledge or advice any less applicable? If I were an oncologists, but never had cancer would that make me any less qualified to help you treat yours? Just because I'm being paid that nullifies the thousands of hours I've cared for children?

Many times I have your kids more awake hours than you do- what I do matters. I'm an important person in your child's life and development. I see the kids I take care of as MY kids and the families I work for love that because they know how much I care about their kids- and that's really all what's important here.

I don't think you give nannies enough credit. If you have a 4 year old- this is your first time dealing with that age. This might be a nannies 5th 4 year old she's taken care of and that experience can be invaluable.

Nannies aren't the enemy! We aren't judging you- we want what's best for kids too!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:51 AM


I'm not talking about a nanny of my OWN children here... I'm talking about chicks who have done this for... idk 4-5 years, 2 families or so....not a whole lot of experience... throwing out advice like they are some kind of expert. You might know kids... but you don't know MY kids. And certainly not enough to dish out a crazy amount of advice about things. And while you might love them LIKE your own, my kids are MY kids. We have a connection that no one else will EVER share. Can't even come close to sharing. So when someone ELSES nanny comes to me, throws out her advice like a master... no. Not welcomed advice.

I might be okay with a nanny telling me about typical boy behavior for my soon-to-be-7 year old. It's new ground for me...but even then I am skeptical. I've had plenty of teachers and various staff/care providers tell me that my 7 year old is unique and doesn't share many of the same attributes most kids his age do. He's an "old soul"... or so they tell me quite often. When she's been teaching 6 and 7 year olds for 20 plus years and NEVER met a child like mine, I don't really feel the advice of someone who doesn't know my son is capable of telling me what's up. I just don't.

As far as my younger ones, I DEFINITELY got this. I've done it three times now. So I'm well aware of what MY four year old does. When the advice comes from someone who is watching a 4 and 2 year old, and wants to give me advice on my 7, 6, and 3 year olds.... ya... I'm really just not interested.

I'm not discounting your work or your value, just how credible your advice might be- esp because any MOM knows that unsolicited parenting advice is a huge no. It's aggrivating.

Quoting nannymcnina:

I've been in childcare for a decade now, don't have kids of my own- but know exactly how I want to raise them when I do. I've been in enough households to know what works, what I like, and what I don't.

If I was a dog trainer but wasn't in a place in my life where it was possible to have a dog of my own- would that make my experience, knowledge or advice any less applicable? If I were an oncologists, but never had cancer would that make me any less qualified to help you treat yours? Just because I'm being paid that nullifies the thousands of hours I've cared for children?

Many times I have your kids more awake hours than you do- what I do matters. I'm an important person in your child's life and development. I see the kids I take care of as MY kids and the families I work for love that because they know how much I care about their kids- and that's really all what's important here.

I don't think you give nannies enough credit. If you have a 4 year old- this is your first time dealing with that age. This might be a nannies 5th 4 year old she's taken care of and that experience can be invaluable.

Nannies aren't the enemy! We aren't judging you- we want what's best for kids too!



KairisMama
by Ruby Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:55 AM

 Having done the job of watching other people's kids when I worked daycare, I can agree with you OP. Such women know nothing of what it is TRULY LIKE to BE A PARENT. Her 9-5 gig doesn't make her an expert at all, for there is SO MUCH more to it. I'd ignore that BS too.

doulala
by Silver Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:56 AM

What did they say?

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:58 AM
1 mom liked this
You should listen to her. As a nanny, I spent way more time with the kiddos than the parents did.
white_wolf454
by Platinum Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:59 AM

I have known nannies who were better moms then the actual mothers who could not be bothered with the child 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:00 AM

 Where are those kids now? Are you continuing to be a part of their lives?

 

Quoting Anonymous:

You should listen to her. As a nanny, I spent way more time

with the kiddos than the parents did.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:02 AM

she has a point....


Quoting Anonymous:

 Where are those kids now? Are you continuing to be a part of their lives?

 

Quoting Anonymous:

You should listen to her. As a nanny, I spent way more time

with the kiddos than the parents did.

 



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 2, 2013 at 1:03 AM
Is someone jelly that the nanny gets to spend more waking hours and thus actually has a relationship with your kids than you? She spends more time with the kids maybe you should pull the stick out of your ass and listen to her.
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