So this isn't as horid as it sounds, I had a choice, my life or the babies life and choosing the babies life there was a good chance we would be die :( It took me weeks to make a final choice in the matter and it was far from an easy one even though it was for medical reasons, Now before I really start this post let me explain why I am posting it, I know some women feel they need to get an abortion and it is not for medical reason but personal ones, i honestly feel like it is not my place to judge (even more so where as I have now had an abortion regardless of reasons) Some of these women are scared to death about the choice they are faced with and the carrying out of this choice. I wanted to post my experience for these women, I was going to post anon but decided not to so if anyone wants to pm me if they have questions they can.
I want to make it known 1 i am christian, (other christians judge me if you want, it is not your judgement I concern myself with) number 2 I have always been pro choice even though I never thought i would have to make this choice
Now my choice, I had been thinking about my choice since I had a mini stroke on xmas eve and was told the pregnancy was risking my life and i would die if I tried to carry the pregnancy to term. From there, I got second oppinions (4 of them) the very first dr to tell me I couldn't continue the pregnancy was in the ER when I had the mini stroke, they also said i should probably get my tubes tied because if i ever get pregnant again i will have the same problem, the 4 other dr's i saw said that was not true, yes there is a small chance (larger chance if i were to get pregnant in the next year, which I have no intention of doing anyway) but the other 4 dr's all agreed that I would die if I continue the pregnancy. I have 3 kids already that I am a single mom to and they need me, if this had been a first pregnancy i probably would have taken my chances.
The appointment~ I called monday to make the appointment ( I had actually made the appointment at Planned parenthood twice and canceled, both times were the same week i found out and the following week) While I knew what I had to do, I had only seen 1 other dr the first week and 1 the second week getting second opinions. I wasn't ready to do it. I found out when I clled monday, that while ALL states are suppose to cover medically nec. abortions for people on state insurance, it's near impossible to get it covered, clinics wont take state insurance for it because while they are suppose to pay it out to the provider, they don't! therefore clinics just don't take state insurance, they try to find the patient funding if they can. They were able to reduce my fee from 500 dollars to 305 not really enough help, but better then nothing. When I made the appointment it was explained to me that the way the appointments are made their is that everyone is set for 9am, then who ever gets there first goes back first and so. So we arrived half an hour early and i was the first one there. So they had me fill out paperwork, when we finished the paper work the nurse asked if i had any doubt about having it done (even though they knew it was for medical reasons they still asked) from the paperwork i went to get bloodwork done to verify my blood type, at the end of the blood work this nurse asked me if I was sure it was what i wanted, from there i went to the counseling sesson, we talked about my reasons for picking this, at which point she stated normally they would talk about other options at that point but because it was for medical reasons it was up to me if we talked about that i declined where as if i had my choice i would be having the baby and keeping the baby :( she asked at the end of the counseling if i had any second thoughts about what i was doing. from there I had to go to ultrasound which i was scared to do because i thought you had to see the ultrasound, luckily it was up to me i declined, at the end of the ultrasound they told me i was a little further then i thought which upset me because when i found out i was pregnant i found out 11 yrs to the day of finding out with my oldest daughter, we knew i was due around my oldest daughters bday and my boyfriends bday, well it turns out i was due ON my daughters bday and when we had found out i was pregnant and due around her bday she was soooooo excited, so knowing i was due ON her bday left me feeling a little heartbroken, they then asked me if i had any doubts about my choice. From there I went to the exam room, they take you and ask you to remain dressed and wait for the doctor. The doctor came in and talked to me, he talked with me about my reasons for making this choice, asked if i had any questions about anything and before leaving me to get undressed asked me 3 questions "do you have any doubts" m"are you having any second thoughts" and "are you sure this is what you want" he left the room instructed me to get undressed from the waist down and get on the exam table and him and the nurse would be back. when they returned they prepared me for the sedutive (sorry if i spelled that wrong) before putting in the iv the nurse asked if it was still what i wanted to do. After that she did the iv and i asked how long it would take to set in she said it should be almost right away, at that point i said yeah i am feeling a little loopy, things were looking funny and i notice my speech was a little off lol i do not remember anything after saying i felt a little loopy, they had told me after the proceedure the nurse would help me get dressed, i dont even remember, the next thing i remember was walking in to the recovery room and sitting in the chair the nurse putting a heating pad on my tummy which was mildly crampy, another girl (the girl who showed up second) was brought in to recovery, she was crying and i felt so bad for her, when the nurse left the room i asked her (the girl) if she had anyone to talk to about it and she said yes, but i told her if she needed someone to talk to that was going through it too she could have my number as i said that the nurse came back in took my vitals and took me out to leave and handed me off to my boyfriend, i asked the nurse if she could give the girl my phone number she said yes (although i am sure she didnt, im pretty sure i would hve had to sign a consent form and i know i didnt)
the way home~ I was in a lot of pain, and apparently still pretty loopy lol, i dont really remember the drive home (other then lossing the muffler off my truck not sure how that happened) and i remember saying we had to stop and fill my script, (which he says i told him about 90 times lol) he said he would run in and do it so i could go to sleep in the truck (i think he was trying to get me to stop repeating myself lol) i told him no because i had to get pads, he actually told me to just tell him what kind and he would get them for me! I was shocked! Never had a guy offer to do that for me, i told him no because i didnt know what kind (i dont use pads lol) so i went in too, then he took me home got me set up on the couch and got me a glass of water and put me to bed, he had to go to work at 3 but had his dad (who lives next door) keep an eye on me for the evening.
I want to add, my boyfriend is a new boyfriend, we just started seeing each other and techn speaking we aren't TOGETHER we are just dating, we have only been dating about 2 weeks, the baby's father and i split up shortly after finding out i was pregnant, i was very shocked with how much he was there for my yesterday and he offered everything, he offered to go with me, he offered to take care of me etc......
I am still tired and some what sore, i am not bleeding as bad as i expected to be, actually it has been lighter then a period which was shocking to me.
I hope for anyone who feels the need to consider abortion for a reason other then medical, that you look in to all of your options including adoption, make sure it is the right choice for you and your family and only you know what is the right choice for you and your family, i will say even with it being for medical reasons, this was not an easy choice at all, when i got home and went to sleep i had baby dreams and i woke up feeling awful, in the dream the baby (that looked a lot like chucky to be honest) was asking me why i killed him, and in the dream i was in tears trying to explain and no explaination seemed good enough, i know without a doubt i did what was best for my family and i, but just remember what is best is not always easy....
(I am sure I will get bashed for posting this but i think its important for people to know they are not alone and that it is not esy no matter your reasons