Ok so the backstory is kind of long: MIL has tried to break up DH & I from the start, she used to spread rumors, talk trash, lie, etc. At our wedding she wore tattered clothes and didnt speak to me until she absolutely had to & then only threatened to make my life hell. 2 weeks later I got prego (we were hormone therapy due to infertility) & she tried to tell the family I was prego before we got married & that's why he HAD to marry me cuz I trapped him. Then, when that all fell through she resorted to acting like I wasnt pregnant. She ignored anything to do with it until I walked up to her at 6 mos prego & shoved an ultrasound pic in her face and even then I just got a smart ass remark. The trippy part was when DD was born MIL went into crazy mode with being grandma, she acted like DD was HER child more than mine. This led to more fights cuz DD is lactose intolerant and MIL gave her ice cream at 3 months old & Mac n Cheese at 6 months old. DH & I were going to go to vegas for a weekend & had never lefr DD alone for more than an couple hours so we decided to have my sister stay with DD at our home where my sister was living so it was easier on DD. MIL threatened me & my sister, called us names & told DH she was taking us to court for custody of DD for not letting her stay with her for that weekend.
Then comes the kicker.... we had easter weekend coming, the day before we got into an argument with MIL cuz she made her fb page & put her profile pic as her & DD and I very politely asked her to change it cuz I dont like DD's pic being public. She cussed me out which is HIGHLY unusual for her..... to make a long story short we ended up going by her house on Easter, DH & MIL began arguing & DH said lets leave, as I was taking the diaper bag to the car MIL grabbed DD out of my BIL's arms and ran for the house. She locked herself in the back room with DD and I was livid. SFIL came (when I was trying to get into the back) and shoved me and almost knocked me over the food table, he & I got physical & DH (who was being "talked to" by his uncles) heard the yelling & got in to see his cousin had broken up the fight, so DH got DD out of back room & we left. MIL has done more thing since in attempts to get ahold of DD & claimed that she was going to take DD, get custody of DD and other such things.
Now that we're up to date on the majority of the backstory...... MIL was texting DH last night telling him she wants to work things out and get "her son and his family" back. DH & I 100% agree that the past 3 years of not talking to her or any of his family has been ridiculously too long and we are sick of it, BUT I'm seriously apprehensive.... how do I approach this without overstepping my position of DIL/wife but making sure as mom that this s*** never gets CLOSE to happening again?
(sorry so long!!!)
Ok, so the most frequent thing I'm hearing is to let DH have a relationship with his mom & DD & I stay away.... that WOULD be a good idea if MIL wasnt such a great manipulator. Granted, DH has seen the light on 90% of the ways of his mom, but at the same time he's still her son & has always been a mama's boy. So I honestly wouldnt trust him alone with MIL. I've already stated that any discussions will be done with me present and I will have much right to speek up as he does. And also right now there is nothing being brought back into a relationship and the way it was before. All that has been agreed on between DH & I is that we agree to have a sit down with MIL & us with DD FAR FAR away from the place and see what happens. It's not like we are looking for a happy reunion or going to be bringing DD around her anytime soon.
Ok so MIL has texted back DH asking to take him to lunch with the grandmother, herself & him. As soon as he told me that I was already irritated cuz that means that she has no intention of including me in anything and just wants "her son & her grandbaby" back.... but blessed be my hubby who informed his mother that there was NOT going to be a going out to lunch, if she wanted to talk it was going tobe at a nuetral house with me & SFIL all involved. I was really happy to hear that he stood up to her and put his foot down. I havent heard back from him in a while so I'm gathering that she hasnt responded back yet. It kind of irritates me that a conversation that should take less than an hour is dragging on for days. How hard is it to agree to talk things out? But his mother is being difficult as always. Hopefully, things continue well with DH & I on the same page.