Just because my daughter-in-law doesn't get along with me, I can't spend any time with my dear, dear granddaughter. I got along really well my my son's ex-fiancee. But I can't seem to do the same with my daughter-in-law. She wouldn't let me be there for my granddaughter's birth. She said I could come by everyday for the two weeks after they came home from the hospital. But after that, my son was returning to work, so she didn't want me there after that. And I live in the same area, but it takes 40 minutes to an hour to drive home, but they said I couldn't stay with them. Instead my daughter-in-law's mom was staying with them. And not just coming to see my granddaughter everyday for two weeks, like me. No, her mom stayed for an entire month before flying back home.
I was told after a few visits that I needed to learn to keep my mouth shut with all the "unsolicited advice." All because my daughter-in-law wasn't holding my granddaughter right and I was trying to help her. And my daughter-in-law freaked out my I called my granddaughter "my baby" because it was one of the things I was told not to say, which is just so petty.
Now that my granddaughter is a year old, my daughter-in-law is returning to work. Her parents moved and bought a house right by my granddaughter. Her mom is going to go over their house and mind my granddaughter every day now. I called her mom to ask if there was any way that I could share in the babysitting, since I was her grandmother, too. And I felt very snubbed because she said that I needed to talk to my son and her daughter, and not her.
So, I asked my son and my daughter-in-law made him say no. I was told that it was rude of me to call the other grandmother and he said I had intruded by doing that. And he said that my daughter-in-law was only going back to work because her mom could watch my granddaughter. So that means my daughter-in-law is only comfortable with her mom watching her, and I'll never be allowed to babysit. It was like the mouth saying the words was my son's, but the words all belonged to my daughter-in-law. My daughter-in-law has broken my heart. You know, my parents didn't always get along with one set of my grandparents but we as children were kept completely out of it because they were grown ups. She's just being a child. A petty child. And my heart is broken because my granddaughter is the one who's really suffering.
It's 5am, and I feel much better. Since I've only talked to my son, I think it's a great idea to talk to my daughter-in-law. I was so upset when I couldn't sleep and I came on here. Thank you all very much. As I read the comments, I started trying to figure out what I wanted to say to my daughter-in-law. I think I will write her a letter and read it to her. Maybe I can meet her for coffee or lunch. Something neutral. I certainly was melodramatic. That was a good point. No one ever told me that they are only comfortable with her mom watching her, and that I'll never be allowed to babysit. They just said that only her mom will watch her while they are working. Those of you who pointed this out are very smart. I do need to say I'm always available to be a back up, but stop being so pushy. And I need to understand that my son is not a doormat, and I have no reason to assume their decisions are not being mutually made. And I need to stop with the unwanted advice. And that's very hard for me. And I know many people pointed out to me that the way I say the advice is very wrong as well. And apparently saying "my baby" after giving advice like that feels like salt rubbed in a womb. And I will explain that I called her mom because I had hoped her mom would talk to her and understand me as a grandmother. I thought my daughter-in-law would hear it better coming from her mom, since they are so close. These are my reasons, but it still was wrong, and will never happen again. All good points. I feel much better, and can get some sleep now. I'll figure out a letter tomorrow. Thank you again.