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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Staying married for financial reasons vs love?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 22 Replies
For example, my husband has a gaming habit that has completely broken our relationship. I don't feel like I come before his game, even though he swears I do. *actions speak louder than words* This has gone on so long that I am fairly numb about it all. But he is a good dad, when he actually gets off his game, and he is a good provider.

So my question is... While part of me wants a divorce, a big part of me doesn't want to enter the poor house, which we certainly would be doing if we separate. I would keep the kids and I would have to take food stamps and other assistance. I don't want to. Also, right now we are able to afford to take our kids traveling (not super extravagant- but cool)and neither of us would be able to provide those experiences either. For example, wespent Christmas a few years ago in CA. And we are planning another trip to Disney for Feb 2014. Apart, we could never do this. Also, we go to water parks, travel to the cities and visit zoos and museums and go camping quite often during the summer. Most of that would be gone.

I know he loves me and I know he is faithful and I recognize that this is an addiction for him... but I am sooo lonely and feel so abandoned I am considering going on anti-depression meds, which I have never been on. And yes, we have exhausted the talking, ect options. I simply don't believe him or trust him with my heart anymore. But I feel like if I leave due to my heart and mental health... I will be exchanging the hearts and mental health of everyone else in my family. It doesn't seem worth it, or fair.

What do you all think? With taxes coming up we would have the extra money to split and yes, I have spoke with him (he doesn't want to and has even opted to sleep on the couch to give me my space while I think and process) but I just feel like I need to stomach it and carry on... thoughts??
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:04 AM
If you've talked I him about your feelings and he's just not listening, even when he knows you're contemplating divorce, then he can't care that much about you. Maybe you should have him move out and see if he changed his mind...
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:06 AM
1 mom liked this
I am at this moment . I'm going to school so when I leave I'm not screwed
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:08 AM
Why will you enter the poor house? Can't you get a job? Why do women put themselves in these positions.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:16 AM
I do work but he makes far more than I. I am also a student but the prospects of my education landing me a great job in this area are not great. I would make @ $30,000/year. Currently I make about $20,000/year and he makes $45,000.

My parents were able to provide my brother and I with wonderful educational and traveling experiences growing up. Part of why I was pleased with our match was because we would be able to do the same for our children. At 30,000 I would not be able to, nor would he after paying support. Plus, who knows! Maybe he would remarry and 'she' would not prioritize our children like we do.


Quoting Anonymous:

Why will you enter the poor house? Can't you get a job? Why do women put themselves in these positions.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:23 AM
Last summer I asked him to leave, even at my income. It was an entirely emotionally based decision. He freaked. Begged. Cried. And stopped gaming. We gave it another try and things went well. But the last few months he has slowly played 30 minutes a day, then 2 hours and now he is up to 6. I know this cycle. When I point it out to him he has returned to his snide comments, another part of the cycle, defensive denial. He points out that he is not where he was, 10-20 hours a day. He is right... but I am still miserable. Since I have really become withdrawn and been very blunt with him in the last few weeks he has been trying to keep it around 3-4 hours a day. *sigh* I have no more energy to fight it. I just want to decide on a direction and put my energy there.


Quoting Anonymous:

If you've talked I him about your feelings and he's just not listening, even when he knows you're contemplating divorce, then he can't care that much about you. Maybe you should have him move out and see if he changed his mind...

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:30 AM
1 mom liked this
Stay married for finances. I'm doing it too girl. I know it sucks, its hard to be alone when you aren't alone at all. But there's not a thing I won't do for my kids.... I want them to have the world and at this point I couldn't offer that to them single. (I get the gaming thing, my dh does too. Mines not at all faithful though.)
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:32 AM
1 mom liked this
Furthermore, I am constantly angry at myself for allowing this to happen. I had put my education on hold for us to continue building our family... why? Because I trusted him. I have always been independent and very responsible... it was trust that got me here, believing that we were working towards a common goal.

A large portion of my anger and resentment are rooted in that concept. I am bitter and hinder any growth that we could have from here. I strongly feel like: I WILL NEVER ALLOW MYSELF TO TRUST LIKE THIS AGAIN. I WILL NEVER ALLOW MYSELF TO BE VULNERABLE TO ANOTHER PERSONS SELFISHNESS AGAIN.


Quoting Anonymous:

Last summer I asked him to leave, even at my income. It was an entirely emotionally based decision. He freaked. Begged. Cried. And stopped gaming. We gave it another try and things went well. But the last few months he has slowly played 30 minutes a day, then 2 hours and now he is up to 6. I know this cycle. When I point it out to him he has returned to his snide comments, another part of the cycle, defensive denial. He points out that he is not where he was, 10-20 hours a day. He is right... but I am still miserable. Since I have really become withdrawn and been very blunt with him in the last few weeks he has been trying to keep it around 3-4 hours a day. *sigh* I have no more energy to fight it. I just want to decide on a direction and put my energy there.




Quoting Anonymous:

If you've talked I him about your feelings and he's just not listening, even when he knows you're contemplating divorce, then he can't care that much about you. Maybe you should have him move out and see if he changed his mind...


clearlyme
by Silver Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:37 AM
Sounds like marriage counseling would be a great idea.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:40 AM
:( That sucks. I am sorry. If he were the cheating kind I think I would go over the edge. I am sooo sorry you have to deal with that added betrayal. :(


Quoting Anonymous:

Stay married for finances. I'm doing it too girl. I know it sucks, its hard to be alone when you aren't alone at all. But there's not a thing I won't do for my kids.... I want them to have the world and at this point I couldn't offer that to them single. (I get the gaming thing, my dh does too. Mines not at all faithful though.)

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 13, 2013 at 3:00 PM
Bump.
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