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Should I even bother? *edit*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 20 Replies
DH and I have had this problem before and have separated over it but he just shows no interest in me. He works, goes to the gym, stops by to see this person that person. it's like he's never around. He would rather look at himself then me. I'm sick of it!!! He's not a bad guy at all he's a good dad and provider but am I selfish to expect love in a marriage? I want to be with someone that wants to be with me!!! Show me off!! be proud of me as his wife, be supportive of my career and accompaniment!



The problem is the kids are happy!!! He provides for them and loves them. Growing up without a dad I know I'd rather have the life my kids have so I guess what I'm saying is even if he doesn't change I wouldn't leave, this is the best for my kids and I will do what makes them happy but my question is should I bother confronting him again about the issue. Maybe if I knew he didn't love me itd be easier to not expect it anymore and is stop being hurt that he didn't show it.

I told him how I felt and he said nothing then I told him again and he laughed and said "your crazy" when I said I could get all dolled up or wear the same pj for 3 days he wouldn't notice and he said "you should be getting dressed up for yourself" wtf?!?! He woke up in a mood and We got into it. He told me I'm a bitch and I told him he make me this way all I want is to have love in my marriage and he said you'll never find it always being such a bitch so I started crying and he told me to stop throwing myself a pity party.... He makes me soo angry. An I doomed to end up like my mom and never happy
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 14, 2013 at 8:25 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Titana
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 8:28 AM
I would confront him. Tell him how u feel and what u miss. No one should be forced to stay in a situation where they feel unloved and unwanted.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 14, 2013 at 8:58 AM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:01 AM
Going through this myself right now, third time in 3 years so I confronted SO and he said we need to move on without each other, I'm too needy. My point just think long and hard before u bring it up, the answer could be more painful than u think.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:05 AM
1 mom liked this
It was when we separated(I was pregnant) and although I don't regret taking him back I wish I didn't do it such a sensitive time(right before the baby was born) I wasn't clear on my expectations because I just wanted my family back for my baby


Quoting Anonymous:

Going through this myself right now, third time in 3 years so I confronted SO and he said we need to move on without each other, I'm too needy. My point just think long and hard before u bring it up, the answer could be more painful than u think.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:20 AM
Bump
Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:21 AM

You need to be clear about your expectations - as does he.

Different people show love in different ways.  Maybe providing well for you IS his way.  Maybe he doesn't realize exactly what you want (neither do I from your post).  Do you want to go with him to his friends houses?  Go out to dinner?  Have him accompany you to places?

Make it clear what makes YOU feel loved.  And be prepared for him to tell you what makes him feel loved as well.

Sj218
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:26 AM
1 mom liked this
I went through this too. I brought it up so many times, but nothing ever changed. We separated, there was lots of drama, I took him back and 10 months later he left me again. He always had time for the gym, but never had time for me. If a friend needed something, he was there no matter what. If I needed something, I'd have to beg and make sure it wasn't inconvenient for him. I loved him completely, but it just didn't matter. We even did counseling. It didn't make any difference because he was unwilling to change.

The worst thing I did was allowing him to be the one to leave me. It was the most horrible pain and rejection imaginable. But now at least I'm not lonely while having a husband. I'm not disappointed daily because he didn't care, didn't help, didn't make any effort. I've found that my life is much less lonely without him.

I know your kids love him, but would you be happy if they were in a relationship like yours? I know, the whole situation just sucks, but what are you teaching them?
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:29 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:30 AM
I think I'm scared of divorce.... I don't want to fail at my marriage and I can't provide for the kids like he can. If I left we'd be living with my mom and its not a favorable living situation. I happy to see my kids happy. Maybe if I stop expecting him to love me I can just love myself? I don't know I don't know what to do


Quoting Sj218:

I went through this too. I brought it up so many times, but nothing ever changed. We separated, there was lots of drama, I took him back and 10 months later he left me again. He always had time for the gym, but never had time for me. If a friend needed something, he was there no matter what. If I needed something, I'd have to beg and make sure it wasn't inconvenient for him. I loved him completely, but it just didn't matter. We even did counseling. It didn't make any difference because he was unwilling to change.



The worst thing I did was allowing him to be the one to leave me. It was the most horrible pain and rejection imaginable. But now at least I'm not lonely while having a husband. I'm not disappointed daily because he didn't care, didn't help, didn't make any effort. I've found that my life is much less lonely without him.



I know your kids love him, but would you be happy if they were in a relationship like yours? I know, the whole situation just sucks, but what are you teaching them?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:34 AM
I'm not even sure how to say it or what I want.... I don't want him to not go to the gym or not see his friends but when he walks in I want him to wrap his hands around me and show me love!! When he is home I want him to notice me!!


Quoting Sj218:

I went through this too. I brought it up so many times, but nothing ever changed. We separated, there was lots of drama, I took him back and 10 months later he left me again. He always had time for the gym, but never had time for me. If a friend needed something, he was there no matter what. If I needed something, I'd have to beg and make sure it wasn't inconvenient for him. I loved him completely, but it just didn't matter. We even did counseling. It didn't make any difference because he was unwilling to change.



The worst thing I did was allowing him to be the one to leave me. It was the most horrible pain and rejection imaginable. But now at least I'm not lonely while having a husband. I'm not disappointed daily because he didn't care, didn't help, didn't make any effort. I've found that my life is much less lonely without him.



I know your kids love him, but would you be happy if they were in a relationship like yours? I know, the whole situation just sucks, but what are you teaching them?

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