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You Want To Do What?!?!?! HELP! I NEED ADVICE! ###UPDATE2### ***UPDATE3*** ###UPDATE4### ^^^UPDATE5^^^

Posted by Anonymous
  • 838 Replies
9 moms liked this
I've been seeing this guy for about a year and a half. He's awesome. He works a lot and quite a bit of it is out of town. He's amazing with my DS and he treats me like a queen! I found out I'm pregnant and he was thrilled! Brought me flowers, chocolate, food from my favorite Chinese place, a movie, and a ring when I told him. That was 3 weeks ago. Yesterday my DS and I were having a hang out day and we decided to go to the mall. We'll call my DF "T", he was away for work again. I'm not a big mall person but DS wanted to go. Ok. We get to the mall and we're walking around doing a little bit of shopping and as we're walking into a store I almost run head on with this couple while I'm digging my phone out of my purse. I look up and T is there with this woman. She looks about 40ish. T is 35 and I'm 28. I tried to keep it cool for a min because he had lied about being out of town but I was really hoping it was his aunt, cousin, sister, SOMEONE other than his WIFE.

I said "T. I thought you were out of town."

She says "You two know each other?"

I say " Yes, T is my fiancé."

She looked at him and he just stated at me.

So she says "That's funny because I'm his wife."

I look back at T shaking his head with his face in his hands not saying a damn word!!! Nothing!!!!

I asked T if he was going to chime in with anything.

He said "I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you."

I looked at her asked if they had any children and she said no.

I told her "Well he and I are about to have one and this is my son and I don't want to drag him through what needs to happen next."

T just stands there saying NOTHING!!!! F*CKIN NOTHING.

His wife says "Ok can we all meet up later?"

I said ok and agreed for 6pm last night.

T tried to hug DS and DS stepped away.

We continued our shopping even though I wasn't paying much attention. I was lost. I called my mom asked if DS could stay with her awhile that night she said yes and I said I would drop him off around 5:30. We go home. I take a shower and get ready. Drop off DS and meet them at Olive Garden.

I start by telling her how long it's been going on. She's pissed. I told her I never would have started dating a married man but I didn't know and now a lot of things are making sense. She tells me she didn't think anything was wrong and they've been TTC for 6 years and she's very upset that I'm pregnant and she's not. We keep talking and he finally joins in and says that he can't leave his wife. I asked why he proposed to me and he said he got caught up in the moment. I asked him to sign over the rights to our child because I didn't want to have anything else to do with him. Then SHE said no. That she would like it if I signed my rights over.


She said she wants to start some meds to make her lactate and she will care for the child with him.

I told her she was stupid and not being a mother I wouldn't expect her to understand the bond that happens just through pregnancy alone.

So she says if I don't sign over my rights then we'll go to court and on their time with my child they will call her mommy and she will take the meds to lactate and she will take over feedings. I told her its not happening and I looked at him and asked him if he was ok with this and why would he do this?? He just sat there ad shrugged his shoulders.

I got up and left. I went and spoke to my mom and told her everything. She's shocked. She never saw this coming. Neither did I.

I called T and his wife this morning and told them that if he didn't sign over his rights in the next 2 weeks I would be aborting. She got pissed and told me I couldn't do that without his permission and he would NOT be agreeing to that.

I said "I don't need anyone's permission. You have 2 weeks."

Sorry this is so long I just wanted to get all of this out and your opinions. I don't want to abort my baby but I can't stand the thought of any child having to deal with that. I don't want my child calling someone else mommy and nursing from another woman. She's nuts and T won't speak to me without her around and won't say no to her either.

Please!!!! I need advice!!!!

*** So CPS just left my house. They got an anonymous call saying they're were worried about the welfare of my son. My house is clean. It's just the 2 of us here. I asked if they knew who it was and they just said no. There's no reason for anyone to worry for my son. I'm a wreck. I've thrown up 3 times since I woke up this morning and I haven't had morning sickness so I think it's nerves or morning sickness kicking in. I just don't know if I can do this anymore.

### I'm in a hotel room right now with my best friend. My mom and DS are headed out to FL for Disney. I went to my friend's for dinner to talk to her dad. He's a lawyer. We start talking and he was telling me that T could fight for custody even if I didn't put him on the cert. that it would just take a couple more steps to get there and if I run and they find out I have the baby there could be bigger consequences for not encouraging a relationship with the other "parent". We were all about to sit down for dinner and my mom calls. This bitch was at my mom's and telling her that I was a home wrecking whore and that I better not get rid of that baby and that she wants to talk to me now. My mom told her to leave and she said not without talking to me first. My dad told her that if she didn't get herself off of his porch the. He was calling the cops. She told them that if I don't talk to her soon then she'll be calling their lawyer. She said they have every right to know if I'm caring for myself while I'm pregnant with her husband's baby. My friend's dad said I didn't have to let them know about any of my appointments. My friend and I left her house and went to my mom's. I told my parents they should've called the cops. My mom said she and DS will be gone until Sunday night so I have enough time to get everything situated because he shouldn't be around this and that my dad is staying in case I need anything here. I hate the thought of DS missing school but this is too much for a kid. This is too much for me. I'm calling a clinic tomorrow. I can't deal with this and if I can't then I sure as hell know my son can't or a newborn. I don't want this for the rest of my life. I can't believe this is happening. I just can't. How does everything go from calm and peaceful to a war zone in the matter of a day?? I feel so sick.

I can't move. My house is almost paid off. I don't want to run and possibly deal with worse consequences later. I can't drag a baby through that. I can't drag my son through this.

Thank you everyone. You all have helped a lot.

*** I aborted. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I called 4 different places before I found one that could take me today and then my friend and I drove 3 hours to get there. She's been my rock. She called out of work and we're at her place now. I've been sleeping pretty much the whole way back and then just out until a couple hours ago. I don't really know what's next. I sent a text to my mom and dad to call my friend's phone if they needed me. I turned mine off. I didn't want any calls from them if they called. I'm going to go down to file a restraining order tomorrow. Hopefully this will all go away soon. The doctor said I was about 8 weeks and they couldn't tell me if it was a boy or girl. I don't know. I feel so stupid right now. How did this happen.

### So this morning my friend and I went to my house so I could shower. I needed normal anyway I could get it. It wasn't happening. Almost as soon as we get into the house someone knocks. I already knew. It was them. My friend came with me to the door. She started.

"We've been trying to call you. You haven't been home. We wanted to talk to you about arrangements!"

So I said " I'm not speaking to you about my baby. T can ask me. You have nothing to do with me."

She came back with "Yes I do! That baby is mine too!"

So I looked at T and said "What baby?"

He finally decided to join the conversation but only said "You didn't!" He looked pissed but honestly with how the past few days have been... I couldn't give a shit.

So I said "I aborted yesterday and now there's no reason for any of us to ever see or hear from one another again!"

She freaked out and started screaming

"You selfish bitch! You can't do that without permission! You're lying!"

My friend said "Afraid not. Now go away."

I shut the door and she kept screaming and banging on my door. T was trying to get her back into their car but she kept slapping at him. I called the cops. They showed up when T was pulling her to their car. The cop got out and was talking to T. My friend and I were watching from the window. T got his wife into the car then got in himself but didn't leave. The cop came up to the house to speak to me. I told him everything and he said he would look up the last disturbance from 2 nights ago where my dad had called. In the end he told them to leave and if she bothered me again they would arrest her for trespassing and harassment. After the cop left I took a shower and I went down to file the restraining order. My friend couldn't call off another day so I went off alone but came back after to stay the night with me. The judge granted me a temporary restraining order until our court date to see if it will turn permanent. But I was told they normally don't grant longer than 5 years without something horrendous happening. I think everything in the past few days have been horrendous but I guess it's up to the judge. I had dinner with my dad and called my mom and brought her up to speed and spoke to my DS. I told him we would talk when he got home. I'm still not sure what to tell him about the baby. He was very excited. I don't want to tell him what had actually gone on with T and his wife and the abortion. Still trying to figure that out.

I do want to say thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and not bashing me for my choice, even if it was against your morals, and seeing what I've been dealing with. I'm still kind of lost with everything. I plan to look for a therapist tomorrow. It helps to know that some of you feel you would do the same in my position. It makes me feel a little better about it.

Wrensong thank you for giving your support generously and also the others that felt I was worth sticking up for.

One of the posters had said she thinks in this position I will have this baby at another time. I hope you're right. I don't know if I'll ever feel like I can trust someone like that again to be able to have another baby but I think I might choose to go it alone. After carrying a that baby for such a short period of time I still felt that I had bonded even if it was only a little.

This was the most difficult decision of my life and I'm thankful to you all for helping me.

^^^ I've sort of been hiding out in my house and sleeping a lot. My friend came over and dragged me out of bed and told me we were going out. I wasn't up for it but she promised nothing crazy and we could even travel over to the small town to avoid people. Not really feeling up to idle chit chat with acquaintances. So I showered and dressed and we headed out to the only decent bar/grill in the town next to ours. It was nice. She did most of the talking but it was good. We finished up our beers and burgers and decided to head back to our town for a movie. So we were walking up to the door and sitting at the table closest to the door is T. With a woman. That isn't his wife. We froze for a minute before I just got pissed. Not just pissed but so pissed I started shaking. I freaked out. I walked up and started yelling at him saying "Where's your wife, T? Or are you out looking for another girl to knock up so that you and your crazy bitch of a wife can try to take her baby? What the fuck is wrong with you?" He stood up and kept apologizing to the girl and told me " Don't do this. Look. You got rid of the baby. What am I supposed to do?"
I've never been the one to resort to physical violence, but I slapped him.
I looked over at the girl who was very obviously surprised with what was going on and said
"He's married and he's going to knock you up and his crazy wife will want to take over as mommy even go as far as taking meds to lactate and feed it. So run. Seriously."
Then I walked out the door with everyone staring at me. I felt a little embarrassed but wasn't really willing to give much of a shit right then. We got in the car and my friend just sat there and said "So I'm guessing that was really the case. Them trying to get a baby. What a couple of sick fucks."
Needless, to say we didn't go to the movies. She dropped me off at home and now in my room, hanging out in my bed. I know I shouldn't have slapped him regardless of the situation. I didn't realize I had that side to myself. Honestly, I feel a bit better having done so but now I'm worried about the restraining order and wonder if I just screwed myself. DS comes home tomorrow. We're going to have to talk. I think I'm just going to be staying in for awhile besides work and DS's school and activities.
What are the odds of going to the next town over and running into him? I swear I have the worst luck ever.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:51 AM
8 moms liked this
I would cut all contact and let him think you aborted.

Sounds slightly trollish though.
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:54 AM
I thought about that but I'm worried he would see us one day and I don't want to uproot my DS.
Not a troll just need help.

Quoting Anonymous:

I would cut all contact and let him think you aborted.

Sounds slightly trollish though.
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:56 AM
Too long for me to read at the moment im cooking breakfast but heres a bump for later!
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by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 9:59 AM
3 moms liked this
Don't put his name on the birth cert.

He will have to prove that he is the father before any visitation is established.

Quoting Anonymous:

I thought about that but I'm worried he would see us one day and I don't want to uproot my DS.

Not a troll just need help.

Quoting Anonymous:

I would cut all contact and let him think you aborted.

Sounds slightly trollish though.

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by Ruby Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:00 AM
11 moms liked this

 I think I would get a recording of crazy mom saying she is going to take meds to lactate so she can breastfeed your child. Take that to court if it should come to that and request that T only have supervised visits and she not be allowed near the child. Also do not list him as the father of the child. Do not tell him you have gone into labor. Let him go to court to prove paternity first and then deal with that. It could take a while that way until you can consult a lawyer about what your rights are.

by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:02 AM

You should contact a lawyer and ask what your options are for not allowing your child around the crazy woman

by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:02 AM
Cut all contact and just pretend he'd not the daddy. I don't think he can force a DNA test..
by Bronze Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:02 AM
Contact legal aid & see if they have any answers for you. I have no idea if you can do anything to stop him from seeing the baby. You can just not put him on the birth cert, but any move you could make that I know of, he can counter.
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by Emerald Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:03 AM
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If you're nursing, I'm fairly certain that his visitation (if any in this crazy situation) will be limited to short times and no overnights.

Try not to judge his wife too harshly. She's standing on the outside of her dreams coming true with her husband and another woman. I'm sure she's in shock and jealous and angry and in denial and has every right to be.

by Silver Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:04 AM
3 moms liked this

Definatly get a recording...take it to court. Or move away. Let him think you aborted. I would do anything I had to do to protect my child in this situation. It might be hard at first, but you have to do what you have to do.

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