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I made a mistake.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies

I went out with a friend the other night. We went to this bar/club type deal where they have a band that played 80s music. Anyway, I had a good time, my friend was there to spy on her husband...they're separated but he went there with these other girls, blah blah blah...I don't like the drama, I was just there, whatever. So she starts talking to this super nice guy. He wasn't the best looking in the world, but he was cool. So she kept blowing him off and then I felt bad. I talked to him most of the night. Completely innocent, told him I was married, talked about my kids, not so much as a flirty smile. Just general conversation. I did make him come out on the dance floor with us for some AC/DC, but there was no bumping and grinding kind of thing going on, just a group of people dancing. The next day, I added him on my facebook. Of course to DH this looked extremely suspicious...meet a guy at the bar and then put him on your fb. I didn't really think about it at the time since I knew I hadn't done anything and I told DH about the whole night anyway. Apparently DH was suspicious before this because he went through my phone earlier that day. Of course he didn't find anything, there was nothing there to find. I didn't get the guy's number or give him mine. And I got to thinking about how I wouldn't like it if DH had friended some random girl he met on a night out, so I unfriended the guy way before DH ever said anything to me about it. Anyway, we fought about it some. DH has never ever been the jealous type and he's never acted like he didn't trust me...so it really bothered me. I think, though, that I'm really naive. I figure if I tell a guy I'm married, he'll assume I don't want to sleep with him and I'm not flirting with him. I got to thinking that lots of married people or engaged people go out and meet people and sleep with them. So maybe guys don't assume that just because you say you're married. And maybe that's why DH got so upset...besides the obvious. I just really didn't think about it beforehand being a big deal...because I know I didn't do anything and anyone there that night knows I didn't. I see how it looks bad, though.

I ran into an old friend from way back in middle school. I got his number, although we were already friends on facebook since before DH and I got together. Normally, I wouldn't think this would be a problem at all...and normally it wouldn't be, but now I'm worried DH will be suspicious. I think I messed something up without actually being guilty of anything. How do I fix this?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
New.OrleansLady
by Platinum Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:53 AM
Idk you haven't done anything...
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BeAmour
by Ruby Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:55 AM
you didn't do anything wrong to be put on the spot.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:57 AM

Are you sure you're happily married?  Happily married women don't go out to a bar dancing with other men,get phone numbers and add guys to her FB page.  That's highly inappropriate.  Your husband has every right to be pissed.  

If the shoe was on the other foot, and he ran into an old friend (female) from school and got her phone number, you would be questioning why.  Then if he went out with his friends, came home and added some female stranger to his FB page, you'd think he's on the prowl for a mistress.

Think before you act.  You are a married woman.  Think about how you would feel if your husband did XYor Z before you do it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 14, 2013 at 11:59 AM

I don't think you did anything super bad but I think inviting that guy to the dance floor was inappropriate in my eyes. I hope you guys works it out. 

mrsledford09
by Silver Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:00 PM
Dont bring it up anymore. You unfriended him and you didnt do anything, no need to talk about it anymore. I, also, had been naive about those type of things. Good luck and just let it go.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:04 PM

He has run into old friends before and got their numbers. I asked him who it was, he told me, no big deal. I don't care about that kind of thing and neither does he...or he didn't anyway. We've always trusted each other. We've both gone out without each other, we've always been fine with that, too. He just said he found the whole night kind of suspicious, and I don't understand why, really, because I didn't do anything out of the ordinary.

I totally understand the adding the guy to my facebook being inappropriate, though. Totally. That's why unfriended him a few minutes later. I just didn't think about it looking bad...since it wasn't bad. But I get it.

And yes, I'm very happily married. I go out with a friend maybe once or twice a year, as does he. The rest of the time, if we go out we go together. And both of us rather go together...we just don't always have a sitter, which is why once in a while one of us goes without the other.

Quoting Anonymous:

Are you sure you're happily married?  Happily married women don't go out to a bar dancing with other men,get phone numbers and add guys to her FB page.  That's highly inappropriate.  Your husband has every right to be pissed.  

If the shoe was on the other foot, and he ran into an old friend (female) from school and got her phone number, you would be questioning why.  Then if he went out with his friends, came home and added some female stranger to his FB page, you'd think he's on the prowl for a mistress.

Think before you act.  You are a married woman.  Think about how you would feel if your husband did XYor Z before you do it.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:07 PM

Well, I said, "Hey, we're going to the dance floor, come with us." By that time, we were a group of girls and guys all going out there together...so it's not like I asked him to come dance with me...I just invited him along with the group since he was sitting alone. Trying to be nice gets me in trouble every single time. lol

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't think you did anything super bad but I think inviting that guy to the dance floor was inappropriate in my eyes. I hope you guys works it out. 


leavinglasvegas
by Bronze Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:10 PM

You didn't do anything wrong - though I wouldn't have asked him to dance with us or friended him. It makes it seem a little too personal with someone you are just having a social conversation with.

I disagree with the commenter that says "act like a married woman" - what does that even mean? Only leave the house for social occasions if escorted by my husband? No.

You did the right thing by unfriending him and I think it's smart to put yourself in DHs position. I can understand why he is upset, even though you did do anything with the wrong intentions.

Have you said to DH - I didn't do anything wrong and I seriously wasn't thinking that it was anything more than a general social conversation. But, I've thought about it and can understand why you would feel hurt because it would make me feel strange too. I'm sorry.

As for the middle school friend, does DH know he's your friend? Have you ever talked to him about it before? If yes, then I'd say - I ran into so-and-so and he asked me to give him a call. Maybe we could all hang out together sometime.

If no - then get rid of the number and don't cal him. He's not a good enough friend that I'd add fuel to the fire with my husband.

leavinglasvegas
by Bronze Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:16 PM

Is your DH uneasy about the friend you went out with? She wanted to go to that bar to spy on her (maybe soon-to-be-ex) DH and to talk to guys. If you talk to your husband about what she's up to, maybe having her around makes him feel uneasy about what you're all up to when out with her.

Maybe not, and he should only care about what you are doing but.....my DH has a friend that was a HUGE cheater and it was the talk of the town, everyone knew except his wife (who found out eventually). DH socializes a lot and I don't care one way or the other - but when he was hanging out with this guy, I hated it.  Not to say I didn't trust my DH, but I felt like - this guy is hanging out with my DH and DH is sitting there while this guy is trying to cheat on his wife. Gross - and i questioned him more when he would see this guy.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 14, 2013 at 12:16 PM

Yeah, being nice to a guy at a bar/club will always get you in trouble lol

Quoting Anonymous:

Well, I said, "Hey, we're going to the dance floor, come with us." By that time, we were a group of girls and guys all going out there together...so it's not like I asked him to come dance with me...I just invited him along with the group since he was sitting alone. Trying to be nice gets me in trouble every single time. lol

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't think you did anything super bad but I think inviting that guy to the dance floor was inappropriate in my eyes. I hope you guys works it out. 



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