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My confession:My secret life *UPDATE:1* Update 3: We are safe* UPDATE 4: PLEASE HELP* *UPDATE 5* *UPDATE 6* *UPDATE 7: GOOD NEWS!!!*

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:37 PM
  • 357 Replies
18 moms liked this
Wow I don't even know where to begin, other than it feels REALLY good to finally open up. Sad as it is, CM has been my comfort and place of solace this past year. Whenever I have talked about my life or my husband, I always made it seem like everything was great. Well its not. I posted anonymously a few times asking for advice on how to get awat and yall were so supportive, thank you!! I've been married almost 7 years and although my husband is a great man at times, a lot of these 7 years have been filled with fighting and trying to get him to control his anger/temper. We have fought more than ever this year and his anger has gotten worse as the days go by. Saturday night it all came to head and our argument turned physical. I was terrified. Only one time has he ever put his hands on me and that was over two years ago.....but Saturday night I saw the monster in him again. He pushed me up against the wall and started to strangle me. I didn't think he was going to let go this time, the look in his eyes was just dead. For some reason he did let go and ran out to the car and left. I called the police and he was taken to jail. I don't know what's going to happen to him because this is his 2nd charge for domestic assault. I'm not angry at him, I just want him to get help and get his mind right. I just know this is it for me, I am finally leaving. I cannot and will not live this way. I will not be scared anymore. I am scared of the future, how I will make it but I know that all I can do is take it one day at a time. So this it, this is my confession. Thank you to all the moms who have given me great advice/support over the past have helped me get through in so many ways.

**UPDATE: I AM ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED. My FIL texted me at 6:43 "we are getting him out. Will you put his phone in the mailbox. Me or Nancy will come get it". I called the sherriffs department, he was released at 7:21 which means they were already there when he texted me. I can't wrap my head around it, why??? Why would she get him out??? She knows him better than I do and knows what he is capable of when he is angry. Last time he got arrested for domestic, he point blank said he would kill me if I put him in jail again. Does she really think he isn't that angry still? Knowing that there's a big possibility he WILL go back to jail when he goes to court? Because I know he knows that, and he's probably thinking "if I'm going to jail, its gonna be worth it". He doesn't go before a judge until Feb. 19!!!! That's over a month. A month for him to sit and stew and get more pissed off. I'm so scared right now. I'm still at our house, I was planning on spending the rest of this week
packing and then moving over to my sisters on Saturday....with him being out and knowing where I am it totally freaks me out. I don't know what state of mind he's in. There's no way
I can sleep tonight.

**update 2** I have to put my phone on the charger, /thank you so much for all your
support! I will update in the AM**

**UPDATE 3** We are safe. Sorry I didn't update sooner, I've been on the phone all morning getting things set up. We are leaving today, I will keep y'all updated! Thank y'all sooooo much for all the support!!!!**

***UPDATE 4: Things went from bad to worse, this is exactly what I was afraid of and why I've never left before. My family has completely turned on me, my mom, my sisters keep saying "well if you had left when we told you this wouldn't have happened. You have no one to blame but yourself". Like I asked for this? I cannot stop crying, I'm such a mess. Im on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. My mom just told me I have to "prove" to her I'm ready to leave and if I don't she is done with me. She said in order to prove to her that I do, I have until first thing in the am to call someone and do something that could ruin Kevin's life. Idk what to do, I'm not a vindictive person and despite everything I don't WANT to hurt him. No matter what he is still my kids dad. What she has asked me to do is just horrific. I don't know that I could live with myself. But she is the only family I have:( We aren't at my sisters house either, she changed her mind about us coming there because it would "disrupt her family". I understand that, its not her problem
but it still hurts. I feel like a sitting duck and I honestly have no idea
where to go from here.

*update 5* just wanted to let everyone know we are safe. If I haven't responded to you I apologize, my phone is cut off right now and I can only get on the internet when I can pick up wifi. Thank you for all your words of support and encouragement! I'm still at my house (no where to go yet) but I have an RO so I feel safe for now. I'm still trying to figure everything out but ive been in contact with my local DHS office and domestic violence advocates, hopefully I can find us somewhere to go soon. The house we live have lived in is owned by my MIL and apparently she has not been paying the mortgage even though we pay her rent....just got a letter in the mail a few days ago stating this house goes up for auction on feb 21. Now I've got that to deal with too:\ I'm hopeful that its all gonna work out, my mom is being more rational and apologized for being so brash. You guys have really helped me through these last couple of weeks....I cannot even begin to tell you. As difficult
as things are right now I'm starting to feel ok, relieved in a way and kind of free if that makes sense. I will update again as soon as I can.

*UPDATE 6* Just wanted to let everyone know things are getting better! I found a place for us to move and hopefully (fingers crossed!) just landed a really awesome job. I have been blessed sooooo much these past few days, its just incredible. I'm thinking positive everyday and the more I do the more awesome things keep happening. I'm actually *EXCITED* now about this next chapter in my life!!!!! I feel free and happy despite whatever challenges I will face in the future....I'm finally seeing that my life is just that now: MY LIFE. The amount of love/support that people have shown me is incredible, especially from you ladies here. Every one of you who has taken the time to read this and offer support just know that you helped me change my life and will always hold a place in my heart. I will keep
updating to let everyone know how me and the kiddos are doing ♥

*UPDATE 7* My mom found me a place! I'm so excited!!!! I am going to look at it tomorrow and probably will move in on the 10th! Everything is coming together and I am so thankful....I truly feel like its gonna be ok:)
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by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:40 PM


by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Good for you. I hope for his sake he finds the help he needs to control his anger. And I hope you are able to eventually forgive him for what he's done! Stay strong :)

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:44 PM
1 mom liked this

 I hope you are very proud of yourself for taking a stand for yourself and for your children. Way to GO! Stay strong Mama! And I recommend you obtain counseling for yourself and your children as well!

by champagne on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:45 PM

hugs. stay strong.

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:45 PM
(Hugs) sorry your going though this. Hope it all gets better. If you need an ear u can message me.
by Ruby Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:45 PM
(( hugs )).
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by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:49 PM

I wish you all the best. I hope you have a network of friends and family to turn to for help.

by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:50 PM

Hugs and good for you. Hopefully he will get the help he really needs.

by Bronze Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:51 PM
Good job mama : )
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 3:52 PM

((hugs)) You are one strong mama, you can do this!

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