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Sister's husband is a POS

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 2 Replies

Usually I don't give a crap about my user name showing, but I'm only posting anonymous for my sister's sake, in case her dickhead DH ever found this.

My family and our friends have always hated her DH, even when they were dating in high school.  We could always tell he would amount to nothing and that he was an asshole.  This was about 10 years ago when it all started.  So much has happened between then and now, but I think now is the worst of it...

For the past few years she will periodically tell me about how depressed she is because of him.  He doesn't appreciate her, and says really mean things to her often.  I give her my advice, but she always goes back to him, and then says, "Oh, things are fine now."  Recently, she has been especially down, we (myself, family, and friends) can all tell.  He works at a bar, and he spends pretty much all his freetime there, as well.  Most of his paycheck goes right back into the bar, despite the fact they are eye-deep in debt.  Well, he is.  He took out a few credit cards about 4 years ago or so, and never paid on them.  He's been sued twice this year, and has until the end of this month to come up with another $400, or he'll be sued again.  His wages are already being garnished on top of paying montly payments to settle these debts.

He's extremely immature.  He doesn't care about anyone but himself.  He wants to party all day and night.  They aren't THAT young, either, they're both almost 27.  Yes, that's still young, but he acts like a 16-year-old; staying up until 5:00am and sleeping until 2:00pm, because he was up all night drinking and partying.  My sister is in college, and so is he, but if it weren't for her, he'd have failed out by now.  She told me she was doing his homework so he wouldn't fail out and lose his financial aid.  They basically live off extra financial aid money, because she is taking a ton of classes to graduate faster.  It was his responsibility to get a job and go to school part-time.  Apparently he can't even handle that.

Now onto what she told me this past weekend.  She opened up to my friend and I, and told us he's been cheating on her.  She said she is so depressed, but doesn't know if she can leave him because she "doesn't want to try again with someone else".  I told her she can live with me, my mom has told her in the past she could live with them (my parents don't know he's cheated on her, I don't feel it's my place to tell them), my friend offered her place, too.  I am pretty sure if he divorced him, all that debt would be his and his alone, correct?  He took out the credit cards before they were married, her name is not on them.  

Anyway, what can I do to help her?  How can I help her realize she doesn't deserve this?  He has her so beaten down she can't make these decisions.  I am at a loss as to what to do.  I want her away from him, before he further destroys her life.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 14, 2013 at 4:27 PM
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regirgjtg
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 4:34 PM

I'm so sorry to hear your sister is going through this!!! Just keep trying to get it into her head that he is a p.o.s. She deserves better! Tell her how much she means to you and how it makes you feel to see her living like this. Most of all just be there for her. I know that it can be hard sometimes when they just keep going back and going back, but don't give up on her, let her know you are always going to be there no matter what.

mineandme
by Bronze Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 8:52 PM
The thing that worked for me was my brother giving me the hard core truth. He told me I wasn't the happy person I had always been and when I was teady to work my way back to her he would be there for me any way he could. I decided then if my little brother could tell how unhappy I had let him make me then it was time for a change. Don't talk so negativly about him but talk positivly about her and the life she can have if shes able to stay on the positive side of life which will not include him. And more importantly how cruel this world can turn if she lets him bring her a disease that she will have to deal with for the rest of her life if she continues to allow this behaivor. She needs to worry about her health-mentally and physically at this point. Best of luck.
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