The Real Reasons I Left CafeMom and Why I'm Back ...
I've been away from CM for awhile. I don't know exactly how long, but I know it was enough to get me booted for inactivity in several groups, so at least a month. Maybe longer. It started when they blocked the full site at work. I was spending too much time and energy on here. It was impacting my productivity. I was getting things done at the very last moment, or not at all. I was being a mediocre employee at best. (It wasn't just me either, they blocked FB too, for the other girls, but I'm the only one who was on CM.)
In addition to my work, I found that the thrill of the debate was getting a little addicting. I got a rush reading replies to my threads, and responding to them. Especially the debates which allowed me to take out a lot of my personal angst on people who (I felt, and still feel) deserve it. However, I had nothing else really going on in my life. I would get home from work and pull out my computer. I would stay up late at night refreshing the screen hoping for one more reply to something I'd posted. I spent time near my family, rather than with them. And I didn't notice it. I also didn't notice how the little things that I thought were entertainment were really dragging me down. Someone called my life a "train wreck" ... now this person only knows what I post online, but the truth is it is a bit of a train wreck. I've never hidden that. But barbs like that were really adding to my already rampant bouts of anxiety and depression.
When they blocked the site, I said OK, and still popped in here and there on mobile (as I'm doing now) and followed a bunch of drama. But I stopped really replying. Without being a part of the debates I found far more negativity than I should be wallowing in from day to day. I saw friends being torn apart for sharing parts of themselves. I saw people frothing at the keyboard over truly stupid shit. And I just shook my head and closed the page.
After a couple weeks of watching without really participating, the draw faded. One day, I just didn't log in. And then another, and another. As the days passed I found that I did have other interests. I started reading more, downloading a lot of free books onto my Kindle to read. When I got home I actually spent time WITH my son, rather than us sitting next to each other, each staring at our own separate screens.
Anyway, the negativity has faded. I find myself missing the foolish nonsense, and the intelligent debates. I miss the e-friends I've made. So for now, I'm here. Not nearly as often, and not nearly as active, but there it is. I thought I'd share this with you because I want people to know that even if you think that this little world we've made for ourselves doesn't effect our "real lives", it can. You might not even see it, I didn't.
I love CM, and all the wonderful things it does. But I had to force it back to being a hobby rather than an addiction. And now I have to continue being aware if I choose to come back more often, to not let it become such a priority.
So, yeah, I'm back. You bitches are too much for me to stay away from for long.
*** ALSO *** ... I can't "like" anyone's posts on this page because it links to the full site rather than mobile, and the blocks on my computers won't allow it. Sadface.