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Hurt - maybe I shouldn't be, but I am. Can't stop crying - Update

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My son is 5 years old. From the time he was born until the time he was 3, my sister in law and brother were extremely involved in his life. To the point that I asked them to take him if something was to ever happen to me.

Weekends, evening, holiday's - he was the favorite. It was obvious to everyone. They don't have any children, she can't. She was in the delivery room with me when he was born, holding my hand and coaching me through it.

Shortly before the age of 3, I started seeing some problems in my son. Hyper all the time, behavior problems, extreme temper tantrums, meltdowns etc.

Slowly, people started to pull out of our lives, because of his behavior. My mom told me that she wouldn't babysit him anymore, and that I had to enroll him in daycare.

My mother in law would ask for my step daughter and completely ignore the fact that my son was standing right there asking if he could go too

My sister would offer to keep him, to give me a break and after she canceled on me of the 11th or 12th time, I just stopped responding when she would ask. She hasn't babysat him in well over 18 months now. Not even for an hour or two between shift changes for me and my husband.

My husbands family talked shit all over facebook about what a horrible mother I must be

But what hurt the most was my sister in law - one day she just didn't call, then she didn't return my call - then she stopped asking about him

Then came the diagnosis. ADHD-C, ODD, Emotional Dysregulation, Mood Disorder - NOS and Social Delays.

I told my sister in law - she said she didn't even know what to say.

Then tonight, she sent me an email and told me that she was sorry for pulling away, but that she didn't think she could handle my son's meltdowns, so she couldn't be with him alone

We have been doing medication, therapy, and extreme parenting changes and his behavior has done a complete 180.

It really hurts to have people tell you that they don't want to spend time with your child because he has disorders/delays - when for most of his life, those people were extremely involved.

It really hurts to be told that your sons delays are harder to handle than THREE kids together

I can't stop crying. He's such an amazing child - and no one wants to get to know him.


Thank you all for all of the support last night. I was an emotional wreck. I'm at work now, and I'm focusing on other things - so I am better. I just needed to get it all out last night.

My son is absolutely amazing. He really is. He wants to be in the Navy when he grows up. He is extremely into the Titanic. He can tell you how many people died when the Titanic sank, that the carpathia was the ship that came to help the people in the life boats, where exactly the titanic broke in half, when it departed, where it departed from etc.

He is also completely memorized by the solar system - he can and will tell anyone who will listen about why Pluto is not a planet, and the moons of Jupiter, all about the space ship that recently went to Mars

During Hurricane sandy, he was more informed than I was about the storm - it was amazing.

He gives these silly kisses, and the best hugs, he's so sensitive to the needs of others

He just struggles with typical social behaviors, hyperactivity and indirect commands

I emailed his psychologist about a play group or other social group for children with psychological/emotional problems

So we shall see what happens from there.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:12 PM
Replies (11-20):
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:23 PM
Wow how awful. I could never imagine pulling away from my nephews just because of behavioral problems. ((Hugs)) I'm so sorry you and him are going through that. I wouldn't let them around your other kids anymore if they can't love them all.
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by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:24 PM

I cant imagine. Hang in there mommy. Give everybody some time to come arouind.. it can be scarry and disalarming to watch someone change so much. And if you arent prepared it's pretty hard to cope with. SInce she doesnt want to be with him alone maybe incourage tag teaming it or having people over when your home so that they can attempt to build their bond with him back up. but i dont think you are wrong to feel the way you do by any means.

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:25 PM
Same. They'd want my dd but not my son. Eventually, I said no more. It hurts him and it hurts us.

Quoting Anonymous:

I can sympathize my son is autistic and no one wants anything to do with us either

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by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:25 PM
1 mom liked this

I give you my full support and empathy as my son will be 21 and has borderline personality disorder amongst a few . Even my own mother told me not to put him on the phone with her, I said that this is not the time to throw him out of your life, he needs support and so do I! You cant control how people react to your situation, only how you react to them, maybe this is all a new diagnosis and you just need to absorb it and find a support group. I once heard a saying, and man is it true, friends will become strangers and strangers will become friends. This may warm your heart, even the post office lady saw me one day and said I looked sad, it was quiet so I explained my sons challenges to her. The next time I went in there, it was busy, she reached for my hand and squeezed it and communication was silently sent. Strangers will become friends. Next week could be different, so never give up !

by Ruby Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:26 PM

im so sorry mama!!! :(    Eric does not get invited to kids parties much.  His behaviour is fine, but due to all his other problems DH and I think the other moms dont want him there :(   it sucks big time!!   ((HUGS))

by Steph on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:26 PM
I've been there.... Still am... If you need a friend pm me :-)
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by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:26 PM

Quoting Anonymous:

I can sympathize my son is autistic and no one wants anything to do with us either

Yeah. Me too. :(

by Platinum Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:27 PM
I do sympathize with you. But for some people it is hard to deal with children with disabilities. That does not mean they are bad.
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by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:27 PM
I'm sorry :( I know your hurt, maybe once things get regulated he'll get better. I worked in childcare and we had a child like that - it was very very difficult for the teachers and other children. We were not able to handle him and his melt downs.

Have you looked into a special childcare center? They may be able to help him . They would be better qualified and it may help him.

I'm so sorry your having to go through this
* hugs*?
by Gold Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:28 PM

My oldest has the same diagnosis. Funny enough, he's the one that people take overnight. They won't take my middle one. He is 5 and is immature for his age. He has meltdowns, but I find them easy to control but noone else does. They think the oldest is easier to control. I guess it's because they see him during medicated moments and I don't. I've kind of wondered if my middle has Asperger's like my husband.

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