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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Hurt - maybe I shouldn't be, but I am. Can't stop crying - Update

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My son is 5 years old. From the time he was born until the time he was 3, my sister in law and brother were extremely involved in his life. To the point that I asked them to take him if something was to ever happen to me.

Weekends, evening, holiday's - he was the favorite. It was obvious to everyone. They don't have any children, she can't. She was in the delivery room with me when he was born, holding my hand and coaching me through it.

Shortly before the age of 3, I started seeing some problems in my son. Hyper all the time, behavior problems, extreme temper tantrums, meltdowns etc.

Slowly, people started to pull out of our lives, because of his behavior. My mom told me that she wouldn't babysit him anymore, and that I had to enroll him in daycare.

My mother in law would ask for my step daughter and completely ignore the fact that my son was standing right there asking if he could go too

My sister would offer to keep him, to give me a break and after she canceled on me of the 11th or 12th time, I just stopped responding when she would ask. She hasn't babysat him in well over 18 months now. Not even for an hour or two between shift changes for me and my husband.

My husbands family talked shit all over facebook about what a horrible mother I must be

But what hurt the most was my sister in law - one day she just didn't call, then she didn't return my call - then she stopped asking about him

Then came the diagnosis. ADHD-C, ODD, Emotional Dysregulation, Mood Disorder - NOS and Social Delays.

I told my sister in law - she said she didn't even know what to say.

Then tonight, she sent me an email and told me that she was sorry for pulling away, but that she didn't think she could handle my son's meltdowns, so she couldn't be with him alone

We have been doing medication, therapy, and extreme parenting changes and his behavior has done a complete 180.

It really hurts to have people tell you that they don't want to spend time with your child because he has disorders/delays - when for most of his life, those people were extremely involved.

It really hurts to be told that your sons delays are harder to handle than THREE kids together

I can't stop crying. He's such an amazing child - and no one wants to get to know him.




UPDATE -

Thank you all for all of the support last night. I was an emotional wreck. I'm at work now, and I'm focusing on other things - so I am better. I just needed to get it all out last night.

My son is absolutely amazing. He really is. He wants to be in the Navy when he grows up. He is extremely into the Titanic. He can tell you how many people died when the Titanic sank, that the carpathia was the ship that came to help the people in the life boats, where exactly the titanic broke in half, when it departed, where it departed from etc.

He is also completely memorized by the solar system - he can and will tell anyone who will listen about why Pluto is not a planet, and the moons of Jupiter, all about the space ship that recently went to Mars

During Hurricane sandy, he was more informed than I was about the storm - it was amazing.

He gives these silly kisses, and the best hugs, he's so sensitive to the needs of others

He just struggles with typical social behaviors, hyperactivity and indirect commands

I emailed his psychologist about a play group or other social group for children with psychological/emotional problems

So we shall see what happens from there.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:12 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:39 PM
I'm sorry, but atleast they know they can't handle him, and at that point you don't want them to have him. I can only imagine how hurt you must be.
kris1stbaby
by Silver Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:40 PM

That's sad. If they can't stand to be around him at his worse then they aren't worthy to be in his life.

angelachristine
by Platinum Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:43 PM

yeah i couldn't believe she actually said that to my face she also went around for the longest time telling people my dd was artistic. lol She is not the smartest in the world.

My mil does the excuse thing though. Either way it sucks and of course no one wants anything to do with ds either. I guess it's better that way though because if they tried to be uneven in their affections I think I would be even madder. I really wish my mom was still alive I know she wouldn't have acted like that. 

Quoting Anonymous:

That is horrible ! Atleast my family just makes excuses

Quoting angelachristine:

yeah my dd is severely autistic as well as mentally handicapped and we get the same. My grandmother actually said dd was a brat and I was a bad mother to my face. People suck! Sorry.

Quoting Anonymous:

I can sympathize my son is autistic and no one wants anything to do with us either




It's Cassandra Cat! 

danijean
by Gold Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:46 PM
I'm sorry your family is like this. I have a nephew with behavior issues. He has jacobs diese and have severe issues, at 9 years old he still can't talk and I swear he has some form of autism though he has never been tested. Out of the whole family I am the only one who can handle him. Children with "dis orders" are very hard to handle and I believe it takes a special person to be able to. Be thankful that they know their limits.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:47 PM

Do you think educating the rest of the family on autism might help ? It's kinda helped mine some , they understand now but still not willing to babysit or things like that , but Atleast now they are trying to find ways to connect with mine so I guess it's a step in the right direction

Quoting angelachristine:

yeah i couldn't believe she actually said that to my face she also went around for the longest time telling people my dd was artistic. lol She is not the smartest in the world.

My mil does the excuse thing though. Either way it sucks and of course no one wants anything to do with ds either. I guess it's better that way though because if they tried to be uneven in their affections I think I would be even madder. I really wish my mom was still alive I know she wouldn't have acted like that. 

Quoting Anonymous:

That is horrible ! Atleast my family just makes excuses

Quoting angelachristine:

yeah my dd is severely autistic as well as mentally handicapped and we get the same. My grandmother actually said dd was a brat and I was a bad mother to my face. People suck! Sorry.

Quoting Anonymous:

I can sympathize my son is autistic and no one wants anything to do with us either





zoo003
by Gold Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:47 PM

I can completely relate. From an early age we also knew that something was "different" with our ds (he is our 3rd child).  He is diagnosed with mood disorder (bipolar), autistic spectrum, and anxiety disorder.  To say that his younger years were tough would be a huge understatement.  To be honest, they were hell.  Due to the fact that he was unmedicated (or on the wrong meds), he would go from having visual and auditory hallucinations to trying to kill himself or hurt others.  Along with this, he could not take the stimulus with being out in public, or even in a room where there was another person, the sun, the wind, smells, noises, how his own body felt, emotions, etc.  As a result of his sensitivity to stimulus, his lack of communication skills, and his rapid cycling, he would act out violently.  So, when I say I understand, I really do.  We lost many friends over this, and at the time I was really hurt, however, as time has gone on (he is 10 y/o now), I realized a few things.  First, they were not as good of friends as I thought they were.  The second thing I learned was that not everyone good at dealing with things outside the "norm".  Finally, I learned that although it would have been nice to have the support, I am much stronger than I ever knew I could be (not sure if this is good or bad).  I wish you luck.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:49 PM

Same way with my grandson, It took 5 of us to take care of him the first two years of his life.  He was so much of a handful.   He was diagnosed as autistic.  He is the sweetest child, but since he could not talk or communicate with us, he would scream, climb like a monkey all over things when he got mad, just like the monkeys in the zoo do when they are screaming and throwing things. 

He hit, kicked, bit when he was mad.  But he did not cry if he was hungry, we always had to make sure he was fed on a schedule when he was a baby because he would not ask for it.  At 3 and a half he was evaluated thru the school outreach system, and they diagnosed him as having a multiple spectrum autism disorder.  They came into our home three days a week to work with him, and we worked with him doing the same thing with him on the days they did not come.  They taught him the pic program which was so great!  We put pictures on the fridge, and he would go get the picture of what he wanted or wanted to do.  It was so helpful.

Your child might need to be introduced to the pic program.  If he does not talk, a lot of the problems you are experiencing could be frustration in not communicating.  Ask whoever is helping you about it if there is a communication problem.  Remember the movie of Helen Keller and how wild she was?  THAT and worse was my grandchild.  Now he is a great talker.  He went to two years of preschool in an autistic class, and by kindegarten he was doing well enough that my daughter decided to try him out in a regular school kindegarten.  They did not want her to do it, but she did, and with help of an associate, he did very well.  The associate just gave him the one-to-one attention when he needed it, and when he did not, she helped the teacher with other kids. 

First grade, he was in a regular class and would be pulled out for special help a couple of hours at a time.  He also got pulled out for speech.  Instead of being taught speech, it was used for socialization for him.  In a small group of five, he had to react with the other kids and socialize.  He got very upset when he was told he would have to leave, so they had a "graduation" ceremony for him to make it special, which was so nice of the teacher.  Then he was just in regular class in second grade.

In third grade, he had physical therapy for strengthening his arms, legs, and hands.  He had a lot of trouble grasping a pencil to write, so they also gave him a special desk accessory to have his paper positioned in the correct way, and his arm and hand positioned correctly.  He only needed it that one year.  The physical therapy made a great difference for him.

In fourth grade, he passed out of all the special classes, and has not needed them since.  He is very social, kids of both sexes are friends with him, he has a pretty big group of friends, some are interested in football, he played 7th grade football this year and did pretty good, he bowles and was the only boy asked to bowl on an all-girls team, and they all fought over who got to bowl with him.  He reads well, plays the WII, and Xbox.  He just flat does well.  He is not an A student, but what he is doing is so great, it is A work to us!!  He is such a great kid and a great big brother.  His younger sister accepts the fact that he does not hug or kiss, and she just grabs him and pulls him down and hugs and kisses him and he is very patient and lets her.  He has only told me one time that he loves me on his own, and I treasure that so very much. 

He is such a special child.  Those who would not accept him as he was, his father, and his paternal grandparents, it is just their loss, and our gain.

Hope this helps you knowing others have been in the same place.  DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!!!!!  I cannot say it enough, I LOVE THAT BOY!!!

angelachristine
by Platinum Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:51 PM

not really my grandmother isn't very smart and no matter how many times I try to tell her she doesn't get it and my mil just doesn't care. It's great your family are willing to try though. My family pretty much doesn't care. dd is 9 so I'm mostly used to it by now. dd is disabled to the point that she doesn't understand or realise and they have never been in ds life (he's 5) so he doesn't really miss it. It's sad but I can't force them to care.

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you think educating the rest of the family on autism might help ? It's kinda helped mine some , they understand now but still not willing to babysit or things like that , but Atleast now they are trying to find ways to connect with mine so I guess it's a step in the right direction

Quoting angelachristine:

yeah i couldn't believe she actually said that to my face she also went around for the longest time telling people my dd was artistic. lol She is not the smartest in the world.

My mil does the excuse thing though. Either way it sucks and of course no one wants anything to do with ds either. I guess it's better that way though because if they tried to be uneven in their affections I think I would be even madder. I really wish my mom was still alive I know she wouldn't have acted like that. 

Quoting Anonymous:

That is horrible ! Atleast my family just makes excuses

Quoting angelachristine:

yeah my dd is severely autistic as well as mentally handicapped and we get the same. My grandmother actually said dd was a brat and I was a bad mother to my face. People suck! Sorry.

Quoting Anonymous:

I can sympathize my son is autistic and no one wants anything to do with us either






It's Cassandra Cat! 

stickyfingers
by Platinum Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:54 PM
when he is older he with thank you for always being there for him...not them!
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:56 PM
1 mom liked this

No you can't , I'm so sorry , it's better for your kids to not be around people who don't really want them around ,they will pick up on that , does your autistic child get therapy ? Maybe they may know of resources where you could arrange sitters for a break from time to time or maybe try to contact other parents that go there and see if some kind of rotating parents day off can be started , hugs and good luck to you !

Quoting angelachristine:

not really my grandmother isn't very smart and no matter how many times I try to tell her she doesn't get it and my mil just doesn't care. It's great your family are willing to try though. My family pretty much doesn't care. dd is 9 so I'm mostly used to it by now. dd is disabled to the point that she doesn't understand or realise and they have never been in ds life (he's 5) so he doesn't really miss it. It's sad but I can't force them to care.

Quoting Anonymous:

Do you think educating the rest of the family on autism might help ? It's kinda helped mine some , they understand now but still not willing to babysit or things like that , but Atleast now they are trying to find ways to connect with mine so I guess it's a step in the right direction

Quoting angelachristine:

yeah i couldn't believe she actually said that to my face she also went around for the longest time telling people my dd was artistic. lol She is not the smartest in the world.

My mil does the excuse thing though. Either way it sucks and of course no one wants anything to do with ds either. I guess it's better that way though because if they tried to be uneven in their affections I think I would be even madder. I really wish my mom was still alive I know she wouldn't have acted like that. 

Quoting Anonymous:

That is horrible ! Atleast my family just makes excuses

Quoting angelachristine:

yeah my dd is severely autistic as well as mentally handicapped and we get the same. My grandmother actually said dd was a brat and I was a bad mother to my face. People suck! Sorry.

Quoting Anonymous:

I can sympathize my son is autistic and no one wants anything to do with us either







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