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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Hurt - maybe I shouldn't be, but I am. Can't stop crying - Update

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My son is 5 years old. From the time he was born until the time he was 3, my sister in law and brother were extremely involved in his life. To the point that I asked them to take him if something was to ever happen to me.

Weekends, evening, holiday's - he was the favorite. It was obvious to everyone. They don't have any children, she can't. She was in the delivery room with me when he was born, holding my hand and coaching me through it.

Shortly before the age of 3, I started seeing some problems in my son. Hyper all the time, behavior problems, extreme temper tantrums, meltdowns etc.

Slowly, people started to pull out of our lives, because of his behavior. My mom told me that she wouldn't babysit him anymore, and that I had to enroll him in daycare.

My mother in law would ask for my step daughter and completely ignore the fact that my son was standing right there asking if he could go too

My sister would offer to keep him, to give me a break and after she canceled on me of the 11th or 12th time, I just stopped responding when she would ask. She hasn't babysat him in well over 18 months now. Not even for an hour or two between shift changes for me and my husband.

My husbands family talked shit all over facebook about what a horrible mother I must be

But what hurt the most was my sister in law - one day she just didn't call, then she didn't return my call - then she stopped asking about him

Then came the diagnosis. ADHD-C, ODD, Emotional Dysregulation, Mood Disorder - NOS and Social Delays.

I told my sister in law - she said she didn't even know what to say.

Then tonight, she sent me an email and told me that she was sorry for pulling away, but that she didn't think she could handle my son's meltdowns, so she couldn't be with him alone

We have been doing medication, therapy, and extreme parenting changes and his behavior has done a complete 180.

It really hurts to have people tell you that they don't want to spend time with your child because he has disorders/delays - when for most of his life, those people were extremely involved.

It really hurts to be told that your sons delays are harder to handle than THREE kids together

I can't stop crying. He's such an amazing child - and no one wants to get to know him.




UPDATE -

Thank you all for all of the support last night. I was an emotional wreck. I'm at work now, and I'm focusing on other things - so I am better. I just needed to get it all out last night.

My son is absolutely amazing. He really is. He wants to be in the Navy when he grows up. He is extremely into the Titanic. He can tell you how many people died when the Titanic sank, that the carpathia was the ship that came to help the people in the life boats, where exactly the titanic broke in half, when it departed, where it departed from etc.

He is also completely memorized by the solar system - he can and will tell anyone who will listen about why Pluto is not a planet, and the moons of Jupiter, all about the space ship that recently went to Mars

During Hurricane sandy, he was more informed than I was about the storm - it was amazing.

He gives these silly kisses, and the best hugs, he's so sensitive to the needs of others

He just struggles with typical social behaviors, hyperactivity and indirect commands

I emailed his psychologist about a play group or other social group for children with psychological/emotional problems

So we shall see what happens from there.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:12 PM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 10 on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:01 PM

I'm sorry.   My son was high maintenance, too (autistic)..... he was too difficult for my family or friends to be alone with.     The few times he was with them, they bitched and moaned about how devilish he was.     Your son has you.   That is all he needs. 

The funny thing is, once my son was older.......and really amazing.... those same family members wanted to form a relationship with him, and he kept his distance.   The family likes to talk about events from when he was little.....as if they were there.        There is a satisfaction that comes with being able to truthfully say "You weren't there,  he was too hard to handle, remember?"     It is almost as good as hearing him respond with " I don't remember you being there."

Anonymous
by Anonymous 11 on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:03 PM

My daughter does not get invited to do things with our extended family. I feel that they are missing out. She is a wonderful child. She may not be exactly like them but she is great. It hurts my feelings too, so I understand. 

cecisMama
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:04 PM
Its their loss completely! U have every right to feel hurt- these ppl r absolutely heartless! But its better to have negative ppl like that out of ur life & away from ur son! Relay on God to guide u & ur son on ur journey & w/HIS help- ur sons inner light will b ever so radiant! :)



Quoting Anonymous:

My son is 5 years old. From the time he was born until the time he was 3, my sister in law and brother were extremely involved in his life. To the point that I asked them to take him if something was to ever happen to me.

Weekends, evening, holiday's - he was the favorite. It was obvious to everyone. They don't have any children, she can't. She was in the delivery room with me when he was born, holding my hand and coaching me through it.

Shortly before the age of 3, I started seeing some problems in my son. Hyper all the time, behavior problems, extreme temper tantrums, meltdowns etc.

Slowly, people started to pull out of our lives, because of his behavior. My mom told me that she wouldn't babysit him anymore, and that I had to enroll him in daycare.

My mother in law would ask for my step daughter and completely ignore the fact that my son was standing right there asking if he could go too

My sister would offer to keep him, to give me a break and after she canceled on me of the 11th or 12th time, I just stopped responding when she would ask. She hasn't babysat him in well over 18 months now. Not even for an hour or two between shift changes for me and my husband.

My husbands family talked shit all over facebook about what a horrible mother I must be

But what hurt the most was my sister in law - one day she just didn't call, then she didn't return my call - then she stopped asking about him

Then came the diagnosis. ADHD-C, ODD, Emotional Dysregulation, Mood Disorder - NOS and Social Delays.

I told my sister in law - she said she didn't even know what to say.

Then tonight, she sent me an email and told me that she was sorry for pulling away, but that she didn't think she could handle my son's meltdowns, so she couldn't be with him alone

We have been doing medication, therapy, and extreme parenting changes and his behavior has done a complete 180.

It really hurts to have people tell you that they don't want to spend time with your child because he has disorders/delays - when for most of his life, those people were extremely involved.

It really hurts to be told that your sons delays are harder to handle than THREE kids together

I can't stop crying. He's such an amazing child - and no one wants to get to know him.


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hippiemom45
by Silver Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:05 PM
1 mom liked this
I am in the same boat a lot of my friends stopped hanging out with me bc my daughters autistic ticks and behaviorisms bothered them and one of them used to babysit and she doesnt anymore. But their loss they don't deserve to know her if they can not try to understand why she is the way she is. She is brilliant and smart and lovable.
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Gwynyth
by Silver Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:06 PM

That's horrible!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:06 PM
1 mom liked this

It is inheritable.  Have him checked.  My husband has not been diagnosed, but from what we have learned through the years with my son and grandson, he has it also.  My son has been diagnosed as Asbergers, grandson multiple symptom autism disorder.  My husband believes he has Asbergers.  However, he has gone thru trade school, the army, survived Vietnam, got a college degree, supported his family and helped raise his children.  These people are NOT FAILURES.  There is something special about them.  I love my husband, my children, and my grandchildren.  They are very special to me.

Quoting VintageWife:

My oldest has the same diagnosis. Funny enough, he's the one that people take overnight. They won't take my middle one. He is 5 and is immature for his age. He has meltdowns, but I find them easy to control but noone else does. They think the oldest is easier to control. I guess it's because they see him during medicated moments and I don't. I've kind of wondered if my middle has Asperger's like my husband.


jkampbyll
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:09 PM
Im going threw the same thing with my oldest. Would you mind shareing some of the extreme parenting changes you have done. I could really use the tips.
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sissyboogs
by Platinum Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:13 PM
*hugs*

Honestly, I'd be done with them all. Everyone in my kids' life knows they only get one chance...if they hurt my kids, they're done. I was the unwanted child, and I won't allow that to happen to my kids....

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Cutenessmom
by Gold Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:19 PM

I had the same  thing happen ot me when my son was born , Evereybody was ,there in the beginning then, they slowly petered out. Yes it really hurts and  they should  go to a support group.. Hey say to them  do not  let the door hit you on the way out... your Loss!

I said  to bad on facebook  your inlaws did not have kids she make a bad mom that, she makes a very bad aunt..

Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:19 PM

Just to give you hope...when my son was in high school band, there were a couple of sisters who had a younger brother who is autistic and adhd. They brought him along to games and contests. It was difficult. As he got older, the parents learned different strategies to deal with his issues. He graduated last year and was a "senior favorite" and I noticed a couple of days ago that he was on the honor roll at the local community college last semester. All you can do is help your child be the best he can be. I don't think we can expect others, family or not, to be able to handle our kids' issues and I would much rather they tell me up front than risk my child's safety. I know it is not the same, but my youngest son is a severe, severe asthmatic. Even under constant medical management, he had 2-3 attacks every day. His cub scout leader, a high patrolman, told me she loved him but did not feel equipped to care for him and I had to be present at all activities. My bff is a RN who worked for our pediatrician and has parented 4 kids. She told me that she was frightened by his condition and did not feel equipped to deal with him...heck, his primary care dr was not sure how to even treat him. I was alone...my family had died. I went on every school field trip because his condition was too risky for others to handle. The school nurse was terrified. The only teacher who was not was one who was also a paramedic part time. My son is now an adult. I hurt for him because he could not run and play with other kids, could not go to camp, could not do normal things. Now, he is studying to learn how to treat other kids with his conditions.

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